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I don't see how more details about what a d!ckhead he is answers the question.
He's not a jokester. You are living with an abuser, which is bad enough, but you also are forcing your children to live with one.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah
People told you what to do in your last thread. Do you realize that by staying with him you are teaching your children that it's okay to stay with a person that treats you like dog doodoo?
You're also teaching them that it's okay to treat a SO abusively.
Would you want a partner like him for either of your children when they are adults?
Would you want either of your children to mimic his behavior as adults?
Excellent points.
OP, in a few years do you want your daughter to marry a man that would treat her the same way? Or do you want your son to treat women the same way that your jerk BF treats you?
They are watching both of you and learning how to be adults from seeing what both of you are doing.
In two years your oldest will be a teenager and will start to date soon after that. Do you really want them to think that the behavior that they see everyday in your home is appropriate behavior between adults who supposedly love each other?
These are very good points. I don't think about them nearly enough and certainly haven't acknowledged them the way I should have.
I see his parents and his friends love him so much, but they don't see all of him. I know his parents do, but his mother is the type, imho, that will say he was the sweetest -- even if he committed murder.
She defends him no matter what. I stopped confiding in her because she just told him everything I said and he blamed me. It was all over his health and he just told me that I was trying to cause friction between them.
NO! I was worried about him. So that was a lost cause....and still is in my opinion.
I see what you are all saying -- it's really time.
Are you unable to understand the harmful effect his behavior has on your children???
OP doesn't care.
Just like many other people coming here looking for 'advice,' they ignore the voices of reason and only seek the 'advice' of those they agree with.
Hence, this is the second post by the OP regarding the same individual. They'll keep stretching the thread out, and then when they tire of it, they'll create yet another thread in the future regarding the same individual and same messed up 'relationship.'
Clearly this is a terrible 'relationship' not only for the OP, but the children. The best thing to do is to remove one's self from these destructive situations. But these people don't care and continue on that path.
Mark my words, we'll see another thread in the near future about this same guy and situation. Some people will never learn until the bitter end.
It may just be his personality, but he jokes a lot. He pretends to slam on the breaks -- to get a laugh when we all get worried that he bumped a car. He's a jokester. So, it's par for the course with him and that's probably why I am only half way upset when he jokes about his health.
But, I can tell you anytime I have been very sick, he gets very upset if I don't talk to him about my symptoms and he will say I AM TAKING YOU TO THE HOSPITAL -- I'm not playing your games. He says I like to be a victim.
I am rarely sick. Rarely. I vomited on the way home from a restaurant a few months ago -- I had food poisoning. I asked him to pull over and he was angry.
I can't point this out to him because it won't go well... he will only get more upset at me. But the comparison is ridiculous. Double standard...
OP, you're dismissing this cavalierly, as "oh, he's just a jokester", while apparently failing to see that these are very cruel jokes, indicative of underlying pathology of some sort. Same with the underlined. This is indicative of someone with somewhat of a sadistic nature, or at best--callous.
Stop and think; does he show signs of narcissistic behavior? Does he tend to be all about him? Or sociopathic behavior, unable to empathize with others? How does he treat your kids?
There's something very wrong here. This is not a mentally-healthy person, nor is this a healthy relationship. And I"m not talking about the physical-health aspect.
This is not what love looks like, OP. This is far from how love plays out.
When he started slurring and confusion -- that's exactly what I thought. He's going to end up in a wheel chair and he has no disability insurance, either.
I don't think it's fair to neglect your health and risk that type of thing when it would be on me to take care of him.
And as I was going through this yesterday, I thought, wow -- if he dies, it's my fault. If he doesn't get help fast enough, it's my fault. And now, it's my fault if I 'waste money' and take him to the ER.
As I was driving - I was callign 911 to make sure they knew where I was and could help me if needed. He was LIVID and told me if I didn't end the call ASAP he was going to end up being worse!
I said okay okay and I hung up. But I was terrified.
And today it's like nothing happened. He came running out of the shower and said "how close are we to the hospital?" (he likes to joke always) I said whatever. He said I'm serious. I started to get up and he started laughing loudly and said JUST KIDDING! GOD YOU WORRY TOO MUCH.
It's hard to deal with...
He sounds like a manipulative drama queen. On the one hand he's obsessed with his emergencies and insisting that others drop everything to rescue him. Then when they do, he ridicules/abuses them for it. Maybe that's why he does nothing about his health problems....he wants everyone around him to be "on call" 24/7 claiming he's at death's door all the time. Then he thinks its funny when he sets someone else up. This is manipulative, keeping someone else off balance all the time. Playing on others' fear and anxiety over him. You are somewhat like a fish he has hooked....he's reeling you in, letting the line out, over and over and over. Torturing you for fun. He is also melodramatic and delusional unless its just another attempt to wring every bit of sympathy out of others who happen to be watching the latest crisis. No one like this is worth a moment's indulgence IMHO.
Have to wonder what would happen if none of his victims rose to the bait the next time. Would he actually end up dying? Doubt it. He is obsessed with himself; probably would't let that happen.
It may just be his personality, but he jokes a lot. He pretends to slam on the breaks -- to get a laugh when we all get worried that he bumped a car. He's a jokester. So, it's par for the course with him and that's probably why I am only half way upset when he jokes about his health.
But, I can tell you anytime I have been very sick, he gets very upset if I don't talk to him about my symptoms and he will say I AM TAKING YOU TO THE HOSPITAL -- I'm not playing your games. He says I like to be a victim.
I am rarely sick. Rarely. I vomited on the way home from a restaurant a few months ago -- I had food poisoning. I asked him to pull over and he was angry.
I can't point this out to him because it won't go well... he will only get more upset at me. But the comparison is ridiculous. Double standard...
No. That's being an asshat. Based on everything you've shared I'd be done with him.
Get him a Life Alert and buy his first six months so you don't have to feel guilty, pack a bag, and go. This dude is sick and I am not talking physically. Nobody yanks anybody else around like that, moans that he sees angels and then laughs at the other person panicking. This is mental illness. Full stop. But in a sadistic way. For the love of Jesus, just go.
It's true that it could be mental. He is under extreme stress. And he is having serious money problems.
This afternoon (since my last post) we dropped my kids off at friends and he said he didn't feel well again. he said that he has felt for the past 2 weeks or so an 'undesirable sensation of illness'. He said he feels sick and panicky -- and feels anxious. He says there is a strange sense of confusion or panic that comes from his anxiety and thoughts of what's happening in life and his bills.
I asked him to please describe this confusion. He said he can't. He said a lot more angry things about my questions.
I tried to be positive about a few things and he told me I was insane to not realize how bad things are.
he said my life is over. My career is over. There's nothing left. I'd rather just travel the world and spend whatever I have left and die.
I said look you really hurt me when you say things like that. he said "oh poor baby. it's all about you. Do you realize when you tell me how horrible I am I think I just need to be alone and leave you - - because i'm no good."
He said he's just not right. He doesn't think it will ever turn around. And he doesn't like watching me act so cold and unhappy and I don't make him feel any better.
I said I love you and want to see things turn around and you be ok. He said "that's great, but that doesn't solve my problems."
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