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Hello i have been dating a guy for a year now. I love him very much and im really happy. However my mom thinks he is an "ok" guy but feels i could do better. Her reasoning is because he is lazy, has an u steady job and she has no respect for someone that doesnt even try at life. She isnt wrong at what she says. I agree with her. However that doesnt take away my love for him. She feels down the road i will be unhappy and wont put up with it. She feels im.making a mistake. She supports me but it scares me because i know she is right. I wouldnt be surprised when we move in together if i get irritated at his laziness and lack of a good job and tired of supporting him. Im afraid to continue only to get heart broken. My mom knows me well and wouldnt steer me wrong but i am not wanting to give up on him. I feel i need to try living with him to see how it will be to determine on my own. Mom thinks he will be a supportive loving man to me only because he wants what i have...a great job, makes good money, nice house etc. I dont get that from him but am I love blind? Im afraid to get hurt but im torn at what to do.
Hello i have been dating a guy for a year now. I love him very much and im really happy. However my mom thinks he is an "ok" guy but feels i could do better. Her reasoning is because he is lazy, has an u steady job and she has no respect for someone that doesnt even try at life. She isnt wrong at what she says. I agree with her. However that doesnt take away my love for him. She feels down the road i will be unhappy and wont put up with it. She feels im.making a mistake. She supports me but it scares me because i know she is right. I wouldnt be surprised when we move in together if i get irritated at his laziness and lack of a good job and tired of supporting him. Im afraid to continue only to get heart broken. My mom knows me well and wouldnt steer me wrong but i am not wanting to give up on him. I feel i need to try living with him to see how it will be to determine on my own. Mom thinks he will be a supportive loving man to me only because he wants what i have...a great job, makes good money, nice house etc. I dont get that from him but am I love blind? Im afraid to get hurt but im torn at what to do.
Do you see the contradiction in the bolded?
Why waste your time, since you know the ingredients for a stable LTR aren't there? It's not that your family disapproves of him, YOU seem to disapprove of him, too! You say you know your mom is right. So throw away those rose-colored glasses that are causing you to feel like you're in love with him. Find a guy who's a better fit for you. They're out there. One may take sometime to find, but finding him will be worth the effort.
How much longer are you going to tolerate this person and continue to rationalize and excuse his behavior?
Move on.
OP, in this thread you don't sound like you "love him very much" at all. Listen to yourself, there. You're saying he makes you feel undesirable, and you're not even sure he's into you. Why are you still with him? Did he really use the lack of privacy as an excuse for not having kissed you until 6 months in? And you say he won't even hold your hand, unless you take his hand, first?
You need to move on, to a guy who thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, and is motivated to demonstrate that to you. You know....like a normal person.
You can keep dating him BUT don't move in with him.If someone you're with is NOT as ambitious as yourself, then no amount of love will keep you together.You don't want to move in with someone who doesn't pull their own weight...especially if it's the man who isn't pulling his weight and you as the woman is doing almost everything.You will begin to think of him as less of a man.
Don't move in with him.
You can keep dating him BUT don't move in with him.If someone you're with is NOT as ambitious as yourself, then no amount of love will keep you together.You don't want to move in with someone who doesn't pull their own weight...especially if it's the man who isn't pulling his weight and you as the woman is doing almost everything.You will begin to think of him as less of a man.
Don't move in with him.
I can't imagine why someone would want to move in with someone who makes them feel undesirable, and is very undemonstrative of their affection, always coming up with lame excuses for not kissing, or not holding her hand.
OP, nothing will change, if you move in together. He'll still be the same guy, with the same low libido you described before. This would be a train wreck. I doubt you'd last a year with this guy, if you chose to sabotage your life in that particular way.
You don't need to listen to your mom. Listen to yourself. Read your words. It's clear to us this is not a match.
Try to remove yourself from your feelings for him and evaluate the big picture. What would your future look like with him..? Be honest with yourself. If your parents back off, it's likely you'll figure this out on your own.
Sorry, but right now, your parents likely have a better eye on this situation...
OP, what is it EXACTLY that you really truly and deeply "love" about him? What are his wonderful, redeeming qualities?
You sound more infatuated than in love. If he's that unmotivated in his own life, what makes you think anything will change? I promise it won't. Why should it when he gets to be taken care of and fawned over and he has to do nothing in return but look cute and say empty words? It's the perfect set up for him. It's a lot of wasted time and missed opportunities for you.
Don't be desperate to be in any relationship, you will be even more lonely when you live together.
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