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Why worry about it, or her? She's isn't worth it. There are a lot of players out there, both male, and female. Choose wisely. So many people it seems get their self worth out of seeing how many people they can attract. Kind of sad actually.
She might get some comeuppance. Maybe she'll get chlamydia or something.
Perhaps.
I'm sure that her life choices will affect her quality of life one way or another.
Thing is, we don't live in a just world and you can't control anyone but yourself. It's pretty natural to want to tally up the rights and wrongs when a relationship ends, and be angry that you got done wrong. I sure feel like doing that sometimes. But it's not healthy for my own head. And I don't like the person I am, when I think too much about my ex, or other pointless sources of stress and anger.
The problem with spending energy on the narrative that someone has done you wrong, in fact my ex has demonstrated it very well. He had a number of really good opportunities and assets right there in his lap, from before I left, when I left, after I left, and each one he sledgehammered into ruin one way or another. Why? Because he needs the whole world to see that I left his life a smoking crater. And if he makes the best of things, then he won't really be living that narrative, now will he? How can you push to yourself and everyone, that someone ruined your life, if your life is not properly ruined, huh?
No seriously, so what? Are we mad she's not getting some sort of a comeuppance here? That's what I'm raising an eyebrow at, like...what was the result the OP thinks should have happened, he got to keep her but with more control, more accountability, like a parent with a naughty teenager?
I don't see how anybody gets any happiness out of a situation where one is cheating, and the other is trying to establish control to prevent them from cheating. I would not wish to be cheated on. I also wouldn't enjoy having a partner who got mad if I didn't return a call or text immediately. I've got a life, I'm an adult, and I don't need watching. It's easy to say "well maybe if she weren't a cheater..." But let's be real here, who wants to live that way either? Nobody is happy here.
Sounds like a bad relationship that needed to end. She could have ended it before she cheated, but at least she ended it. So it's over. As it should be. What outcome was OP wanting instead? One where she cries in shame over her misdeeds, vows to do better, and succumbs to his constant monitoring of her activities to prove she's on the up and up, and how long would she have to be in probation anyhow? You don't come back from something like this. Broken trust rarely heals clean. At some point you've got to know when to cut your losses. Either of them could have done it sooner, but at least now it's done.
So, let go the anger, OP, and work on putting all of this behind you. You most definitely will not succeed in future relationships, if you are carrying around anger from your past. Do whatever you need to, to heal yourself, for yourself, now.
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Good advice there.
If they are your EX do your best to not ever think of them again. Their feelings/thoughts/blame, whatever simply do not matter unless you let them get to you
The "Oh, both parties are at fault when a relationship fizzles out (even if it just fizzled out on one end)" is so commonly used as a platitude to justify cheating. Not saying you, specifically are using it as such, but it's a real temptation to use a relativistic "Well, in the grand scheme of things, is anybody really wrong, here? I mean, nobody was happy...it was a bad relationship! Important thing is, it's over!" viewpoint. But, really, there IS bad behavior going on. While it might be a "so what?" to some, to others, it's a very important thing to not lose sight of. There is enough self-blame that comes up when a relationship ends, without adding additional blame where there isn't necessarily any. Truth is, you can do everything right (big picture right; obviously, nobody is ever perfect in any relationship) in a relationship and still have it end through no fault of your own if the other person chooses to quit investing for their own reasons. I feel like that's something that frequently gets overlooked. It might not apply in this particular situation, who knows? But, overall, it does occur.
Which is why I have an issue with the, "Maybe somebody's actions are crappy, but so what? It was a bad relationship that needed to end, so NBD if cheating is used to end it" stance.
People who cheat have cheated before and will continue to do so until they feel the pain. She'll get what she deserves. Move on. She sounds wild, and it'll never work with you.
I'm sorry for you. The guy she's with now will be done the same way when she's tired of him. It's a cycle.
Both sexes need to realize these users exist and mentally prepare themselves and not let themselves get all walked over in the process. Once you see who they really are, you don't reward them for it by staying with them.. kick them to the curb immediately.. and no don't try to "fix" them either unless you are a sucker for more punishment.
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