Gf wants baby to have her surname (girlfriend, how to, girls)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My older son kept my last name. It gets a little awkward when a security question asks for his "mother's maiden name" and it's the same as his own last name. I told the father "If I'm not good enough for your last name, then neither is he." His whole family was pretty upset by my attitude. Of course, just like you, he claimed he wanted to marry me eventually. And he did marry me eventually. Not sure if it was a self-fulfilling prophesy, but we did split up and he did end up being a deadbeat.
Now, he says he is so happy he kept my name because he is much closer to my family than the deadbeat's family. But it is pretty obvious that he was conceived out of wedlock. I guess that's not a big deal in California where he grew up, but I'm sure it could cause issues down the road, especially if there is a conservative shift in our culture.
Hyphenate. Is it a problem with the name itself? Is your last name awkward or hard to pronounce and spell?
I have a nice last name and my ex-husband has a stupid-sounding last name that people have always made fun of. I took his name when we got married because it meant something to him, but I took my real name back as part of the divorce. (On my wedding day, my SIL law said, "Oh God, I couldn't WAIT to get married and get rid of that name, and now you're stuck with it.") Meanwhile, my then-10-year-old daughter was starting to get the jokes and stuff in school because of her last name, and she wanted to change her name to mine. I told her "when you are 18 you can change your name to whatever you want, but right now that wouldn't be a good thing to say to Daddy."
She is an adult and still has her father's name, but on Facebook and certain other places, she uses her first and middle names only.
This doesn't look good, OP. It doesn't bode well. Do you even know for sure if the pregnancy was an accident? It might have been her choice, behind the scenes. We don't know the circumstances.
My first thought was that it's still early enough for other options (ahem) to still be on the table for this pregnancy. It doesn't sound like anyone is mature enough to be having a baby in this situation.
Offhand it sounds to me like she plans for you to be a sperm donor, only. If you're serious, why not marry her now? And the argument about her body no longer being attractive after having a baby is either ignorant, or just an excuse she's using. Many women get back into shape after giving birth; it's normal, nowadays.
This doesn't look good, OP. It doesn't bode well. Do you even know for sure if the pregnancy was an accident? It might have been her choice, behind the scenes. We don't know the circumstances.
Yeah, I'm seeing the same red flag. OP, be careful.
This isn't about whether onlookers will think you're a chump. This is about your child, and don't let anybody tell you that it's your child only if she wants it to be. You might have made a mistake, but so did she. Even if you and she decide not to marry, you'll always be connected through this baby. That applies to her just as much as it applies to you.
Really not that big of a deal, in my opinion. I have an aunt whose first 2 kids (out of wedlock) has her maiden name, but the rest of the children had the dad's name after marriage. All of them have the same father btw.
So just because something is a social expectation, that makes it right, and we should all blindly follow it unquestioningly? Sorry, but no. Social expectation is changing in the modern Western world. And rightfully so. Time for you to catch up.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
