This man sent his date an invoice after she ghosted him (seeking, looking)

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

A similar thing happened on the Bert Show ten years ago. A woman called in and played the voicemail a guy she went out on a date with left her. Because she didn't want to go out with him again, he called her, leaving nasty voicemails demanding his money back, saying she drank the food and ate the wine so now she needs to pay up. A friend of mine went out with a guy and she didn't like him after the date, so he started calling her harrassing her for his money back. So that he would leave her alone, she just met him someplace and give him his money back.

If you are an independent woman, you're judged. If you are a woman who expects traditional dating, you're entitled. It's like you can't win.

One thing that we will agree on (which I can tell won't be much), asking for money back long AFTER the date has ended is a super punk move. It is like trying to close the barn door long after the animals have stampeded out. Yes, I get p&%$ed when I spend money on a date only for the woman to tell me she ain't interested OR I just want to pay to get the hell away from her. But I accept that I have to take the L and move on. Hell, no one gets out of the human experience alive and you can't take it with you. Plus, with my brains and education, I can always make more money. It is just useless to demand a refund AFTER the L.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

Yes, they are bad human beings who happen to be men who hate women.

Men ghost women all the time too. No guy who has not followed up with me for a second date has ever contacted to me tell me there would be no second date or to tell me that their are not interested. I just know that if I typically don't hear from a guy within 24-48 hours after a date, he's never going to call again and I just move on.

Most people ghost after a date they aren't feeling. Doesn't matter if it's right on wrong, it's a reality of dating that both men and women should be prepared for and just move on when it happens. I've been ghosted enough times to where it doesn't phase me much anymore so I guess I see it differently. I mean yeah, my feeling are hurt because I don't go out with a guy unless I really like them, but still, I dust my hands off and move on. And the men who ghost me typically pay for the meal, yet they never call me and say, "You know, you're a really nice lady but I'm not feeling you. Can I have my money back, please?"

But see, that wouldn't be ghosting. If you reached out and asked for a second date (which if something is "there" is what often happens) and he never responded, that could be ghosting. It would be rude to reach out of the blue to tell someone, "hey, yeah, nice meeting you, but I don't think we should see each other again"... that's very different than declining an invitation or issuing an invitation and never hearing back.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by timberline742

But see, that wouldn't be ghosting. If you reached out and asked for a second date (which if something is "there" is what often happens) and he never responded, that could be ghosting. It would be rude to reach out of the blue to tell someone, "hey, yeah, nice meeting you, but I don't think we should see each other again"... that's very different than declining an invitation or issuing an invitation and never hearing back.

I won’t say this much but I agree 100% with you here. If neither side asks for another date that is not ghosting.

[Atlanta_BD]

Originally Posted by timberline742

But see, that wouldn't be ghosting. If you reached out and asked for a second date (which if something is "there" is what often happens) and he never responded, that could be ghosting.

That is exactly what happens. If I really like a guy and had a good time, I will let him know how much I enjoyed myself and would like to go out again. Either they don't respond or say they want to do another date then don't follow through. So yes, I have in fact been ghosted. I am single because the dates I have gone on have never materialized into anything. There is usually never a second date.

Originally Posted by timberline742

It would be rude to reach out of the blue to tell someone, "hey, yeah, nice meeting you, but I don't think we should see each other again"... that's very different than declining an invitation or issuing an invitation and never hearing back.

When I have told guys I would like to get together again, that would be the perfect time to tell me that they don't want to see me again instead of ghosting. Still, I have learned very well to take hints. I don't trip about it either way. But aren't people saying that after a man pays, the woman should tell the guy she doesn't want to see him anymore since money was spent? Isn't it equally rude to not reply if someone issues an invitation?

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

That is exactly what happens. If I really like a guy and had a good time, I will let him know how much I enjoyed myself and would like to go out again.

That isn't asking someone out though. That is really hinting that if they ask, that you would say yes. That's something different. No communication after that isn't ghosting.


Also, people saying, yeah, we should go out again at the end of a date, or in a text shortly after, really isn't asking a person out, either. It's just expressing a general interest.. An ask is pretty clear. Do you ever come out and ask?

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

But aren't people saying that after a man pays, the woman should tell the guy she doesn't want to see him anymore since money was spent?

If they are, I don't agree with them.

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

When I have told guys I would like to get together again, that would be the perfect time to tell me that they don't want to see me again instead of ghosting. Still, I have learned very well to take hints. I don't trip about it either way. But aren't people saying that after a man pays, the woman should tell the guy she doesn't want to see him anymore since money was spent? Isn't it equally rude to not reply if someone issues an invitation?

It is rude not to respond, yes, but it happens and I just move on, but your saying you would like to get together again isn't an invitation to go out. It's really an invitation to be asked out. That's fine, I'll ask people out, no problem. Do it every week, but if someone said "I'd be interested in getting together again" after a date and I don't ask them out, that isn't ghosting. If they actually asked me out and I never responded? That's ghosting.

[jade408]

Originally Posted by timberline742

That isn't asking someone out though. That is really hinting that if they ask, that you would say yes. That's something different. No communication after that isn't ghosting.


Also, people saying, yeah, we should go out again at the end of a date, or in a text shortly after, really isn't asking a person out, either. It's just expressing a general interest.. An ask is pretty clear. Do you ever come out and ask?





If they are, I don't agree with them.




It is rude not to respond, yes, but it happens and I just move on, but your saying you would like to get together again isn't an invitation to go out. It's really an invitation to be asked out. That's fine, I'll ask people out, no problem. Do it every week, but if someone said "I'd be interested in getting together again" after a date and I don't ask them out, that isn't ghosting. If they actually asked me out and I never responded? That's ghosting.

100% disagree. Ghosting is not limited to not responding to a date request. Ghosting is not responding to inquiries and signs of interest/connection. If someone says “I’d love to see you again” and you disappear, that’s ghosting. Lots of unreturned messages also = ghosting.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by jade408

100% disagree. Ghosting is not limited to not responding to a date request. Ghosting is not responding to inquiries and signs of interest/connection. If someone says “I’d love to see you again” and you disappear, that’s ghosting. Lots of unreturned messages also = ghosting.

Multiple unreturned messages is definitely ghosting.


But not reaching out and asking someone out who expressed interest in you in person, is definitely not ghosting. A person isn't owned anything just because they expressed some interest. I am under no obligation to reach out to someone who said "hey, I'd go out with you again" or "I'd be interested in seeing you again" just to tell them I have no interest in asking them out. Me not taking the initiative to reach out and diss them is in no way ghosting.


But if people want a response, and expect a response, as a question. A clear question. It's very simple.

[DefiantNJ]

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

That is exactly what happens. If I really like a guy and had a good time, I will let him know how much I enjoyed myself and would like to go out again. Either they don't respond or say they want to do another date then don't follow through. So yes, I have in fact been ghosted. I am single because the dates I have gone on have never materialized into anything. There is usually never a second date.


When I have told guys I would like to get together again, that would be the perfect time to tell me that they don't want to see me again instead of ghosting. Still, I have learned very well to take hints. I don't trip about it either way. But aren't people saying that after a man pays, the woman should tell the guy she doesn't want to see him anymore since money was spent? Isn't it equally rude to not reply if someone issues an invitation?

I don't know if this can be considered classic ghosting or not as you did not explicitly invite those guys. I don't think it makes a difference. I think you definitely got a taste of someone who has no interest in you and wants to break off all contact.


Now have you ever paid for the first date? Imagine how it would feel if you invited the guy for the first date, planned it and paid for it and then would never hear back. That is a pretty typical male experience. How would that make you feel?

[Atlanta_BD]

Originally Posted by DefiantNJ

I don't know if this can be considered classic ghosting or not as you did not explicitly invite those guys. I don't think it makes a difference. I think you definitely got a taste of someone who has no interest in you and wants to break off all contact.


Now have you ever paid for the first date? Imagine how it would feel if you invited the guy for the first date, planned it and paid for it and then would never hear back. That is a pretty typical male experience. How would that make you feel?

Rejection is rejection, no matter what the situation is. Just because a woman may not pay for a date but gets ghosted, that doesn't mean the rejection hurts any less. And what about the guy who stops calling after he gets sex from a woman? That happens too. What are your thoughts on that? Men act like women are just after them for free meals. What about the men who are only out for sexual conquests? What is the difference? If I paid for a first date and a guy didn't call me back, I wouldn't feel anymore upset about it than if I hadn't paid. Would I consider a waste of money? Sure. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. Such is life.

I've been rejected enough that I respect when someone isn't interested and move on. I have dated men where I have paid for a date or did things for them only to be unceremoniously dumped. It happens.

Being rejected or dumped is just a part of the dating process. If someone doesn't like me, they don't like me, and even if my feelings are hurt, I have no choice but to respect their feelings and move on. Nobody likes rejection but it's a part of life.

[JerZ]

I agree that the bottom line is that it is about rejection. The person who does not get what he or she wants is disappointed. In this case I would bet my left ovary that even if the girl had officially answered with a no, this guy would have screamed. It isn't about the money because if she had given him the reaction he wanted, the money would have been of no consequence.