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So let's reinforce that women have to keep recommending cheaper and cheaper alternatives to avoid the "gold digger" label? Maybe everyone should just keep communicating online and thereby forever avoid any actual expense associated with dating? You'll never have a real relationship or real sex but hey, at least it's cheap! Not getting on you, specifically Ruth4Truth, it just seems like a race to the bottom.
Yeah that's not something I was really relating to either. I would suggest someplace that sounded interesting that I hadn't had a chance to go to.
Trying to spend as little money as possible just isn't part of the fun for me. The last good date I went on was at a bar and restaurant overlooking the river. I don't even remember exactly how much it cost, or which parts I paid for-- because I just really don't put that much emphasis on money.
If someone's keeping track it kinda puts a damper on it.
I don't think so. We were doing lunches, coffee, ice cream, etc. back in the 80s, and that was THE era of materialism.
I don't think it's a race to the bottom. For a very first meet, when you don't even know for sure that you're going to get along for the full two hours, being stuffed into a chair trying to eat some pricey dinner is incredibly uncomfortable, IMO. Lots of people like smaller scale dates for a variety of reasons. It's not about being cheap or not being a gold-digger. It's easy to just offer to pay when the check comes.
As you develop things it's not always going to be just froyo or a free concert in the park. You'll do fancy dinners for occasions. You'll go see a show at the Met. Or go away for a weekend. The price tag can go up but to go all-out on the first date seems restrictive not just financially, but for what pricier dates so often entail. JMHO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Really? A race to the bottom to have inexpensive alternatives which may encourage BOTH parties to have fun because they aren’t in a tense dinner environment where there is agony over whose gonna pay and how much? Now I’ve heard everything.
In the 80's cheap dates were after you knew someone and were letting your guard down because you didn't feel the same pressure to "impress". That was not an ideal way to interact but it seems we've gone far in the opposite direction.
Dissenter - I certainly was unaware that men have frequently been in agony on dinner dates thinking about the check, especially if they chose the restaurant! If that's the case they chose the wrong restaurant or have no business dating...or perhaps they were extraordinarily bad at choosing dates worthy of that outlay of cash?
But in terms of going the opposite direction...it's not stated explicitly in this particular thread but I've seen on c-d guys saying they arrive early to a coffee "date" to ensure they don't have to spend $3 on a "date's" beverage. It is fine in principle to say everything will be dutch until whenever - I just don't think the lack of any generosity at all in men inspires any similar reciprocity/tenderness/kindness in women.
Maybe if generosity can't be displayed by spending a few dollars on another person we'll all need to get more creative in conveying that this isn't some kind of purely business transaction. It comes across as petty and unattractive - and ultimately depressing. No one is willing to risk anything more than $5 and 30 minutes on the prospect of a relationship - and yet the expectations seem to be higher and higher. Psychologically it has been shown that people value more the things that have "cost" them something (whether that is time, money, effort, whatever) - maybe that explains the mutual disdain for dating?
Again, nobody "owes" anybody else anything after one date.
We also don't know how she felt about the date. If he's as weird as his "invoicing" (which included shipping and handling...WTH??? And tax? LOL!) showed, she may actually have been wary of ANY communication after the first date, who knows? Sometimes just answering can be an encouragement.
Either way, I wouldn't go crazy like this over someone not answering a text. Just his response shows some support for the possibility that after the date he was just a bit odd or obsessive and she wanted to kind of disappear. Either way this is so dramatic and over-the-top...I mean really.
Even if it was after 50 dates no one owes anyone anything either. This world is about cutthroat and only thinking about yourself and or immediate family /friends. *If you don't cares about so.eone ghost them or wtv the term without a second d thought. You ain't gonna see them again so who cares. I agree that's the world we live in.
Sure. Perhaps one more than the other. Did you see this follow-up text where he threatened to turn the invoice over to a collection agency?
I hope he does turn her over to a collection agency. Maybe people would ghost less if there were consequences for their behavior. A failed first date to a man usually means he's out some amount of cash and has to start over with a different woman. It's unpleasant.
I agree the man didn't plan a good date. Dinner is a bad date idea until after the relationship has been consummated.
I hope he does turn her over to a collection agency. Maybe people would ghost less if there were consequences for their behavior. A failed first date to a man usually means he's out some amount of cash and has to start over with a different woman. It's unpleasant.
I agree the man didn't plan a good date. Dinner is a bad date idea until after the relationship has been consummated.
No, it's not a bad date idea at all. It just didn't work in this instance.
I hope he does turn her over to a collection agency. Maybe people would ghost less if there were consequences for their behavior. A failed first date to a man usually means he's out some amount of cash and has to start over with a different woman. It's unpleasant.
I agree the man didn't plan a good date. Dinner is a bad date idea until after the relationship has been consummated.
There's no contract so nothing for a collection agency to get involved in.
Don't spend money or accept that spending money is the price of dating, regardless of outcome.
Well, it's largely a symbolic gesture really as he's not gonna collect any money from this woman. If I were single I'd probably just do the coffee or happy hour thing with bar apps. That way no one's putting out a lot of money and if things don't go well you can move on. The ghosting thing seems to be fairly common anymore. Sad really, but whatever.
I hope he does turn her over to a collection agency. Maybe people would ghost less if there were consequences for their behavior. A failed first date to a man usually means he's out some amount of cash and has to start over with a different woman. It's unpleasant.
I agree the man didn't plan a good date. Dinner is a bad date idea until after the relationship has been consummated.
You can't turn a person "over to a collection agency", only a debt.
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