This man sent his date an invoice after she ghosted him (attractive, calling)
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You have the revenge gene or you don't; this guy does...
We all know two wrongs don't make a right. This thread is interesting since it reveals an obvious correlation between characteristics of those who are able to acknowledge that two wrongs were committed versus those who are incapable.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
The point, which I'll agree was ham-fisted, was that the outmoded habit of men paying for dates, first or otherwise, ought to be an insult to a modern woman who expects to be treated as an equal. I agree that men are as attached to this custom as women, needing to prove that we're man enough to go on big boy dates and all. What I find weird is when fairly strong willed women continue to date men who have near panic attacks at the prospect of her paying her way on a date, or god forbid picking up the whole tab. It seems like a classic case of toxic masculinity, but it gets a pass, and his wetting himself is even held up as a sign of his virtue, or maybe his opinion of hers. I get confused.
I dunno. Just because I'm picking up a tab sometimes doesn't mean that I don't view my date as an equal. I guess maybe I don't put that much importance on money dynamics as some? I'm going out with a friend on their birthday (a few of us), she won't pay a penny tonight (of course), it doesn't effect equality. I don't see it any different in dating. In time it almost always comes back around and equals out I've found, or I don't feel like it doesn't not equal out in the long run.
The point, which I'll agree was ham-fisted, was that the outmoded habit of men paying for dates, first or otherwise, ought to be an insult to a modern woman who expects to be treated as an equal. I agree that men are as attached to this custom as women, needing to prove that we're man enough to go on big boy dates and all. What I find weird is when fairly strong willed women continue to date men who have near panic attacks at the prospect of her paying her way on a date, or god forbid picking up the whole tab. It seems like a classic case of toxic masculinity, but it gets a pass, and his wetting himself is even held up as a sign of his virtue, or maybe his opinion of hers. I get confused.
Yeah. I got the point. And it was just one more chance to prove feminism is hypocrisy, which I was pointing out may not be true at all.
ANY time we hear about a man paying for a date around here, a percentage will assume the woman was a little princess sitting on her tower playing with her cell phone and giggling when the check came, the very image of one-dimensional, almost cartoonish entitlement, and it gets wearing. From this guy's reaction we can pretty much assume, though, that things didn't play out this way...as I pointed out. He obviously would have had no problem with paying if he'd "gotten" whatever he wanted in return (which would indicate he was enthusiastic about paying that check), plus he DIDN'T state or even hint that she'd acted entitled and so on, so there you go. We can't "know" for sure that things happened this way but by the same token it's also pretty laughable to assume this was a feminism bust and hypocrisy, and to be sure to go out of one's way to make a snark about that.
To say nothing of the utter silliness of someone using pork tacos and a drink as proof that feminism is a bust and women lie about it. Tacos! LOL. Any woman who IS strong and independent (and who knows if this woman even is...she didn't stand up and say so) isn't really going to consider paying for a freakin' taco, proof of independence. This isn't 1971. We don't have to hit our date with our bag and physically restrain him from paying for a cup of coffee in order to hold onto proof that we are independent.
I dunno. Just because I'm picking up a tab sometimes doesn't mean that I don't view my date as an equal. I guess maybe I don't put that much importance on money dynamics as some? I'm going out with a friend on their birthday (a few of us), she won't pay a penny tonight (of course), it doesn't effect equality. I don't see it any different in dating. In time it almost always comes back around and equals out I've found, or I don't feel like it doesn't not equal out in the long run.
I'm not saying that the paying affects equality. I'm saying that the expectation that men pay, held by either men or women, is a vestige of a time when women couldn't afford to pay or a time when their would have been genuine scandal for both pasrties had word gotten out that she paid. In any case, the expectation is a form of benevolent sexism, and the dynamic I described is precisely where it all goes wrong. In threads on this site some men and women talk about men being cheap, or worse yet somehow less manly if they allow a women to pay. It's almost funny. Not quite though.
Edit: There would have been scandal for both parties
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I'm not saying that the paying affects equality. I'm saying that the expectation that men pay, held by either men or women, is a vestige of a time when women couldn't afford to pay or a time when their would have been genuine scandal for both pasrties had word gotten out that she paid. In any case, the expectation is a form of benevolent sexism, and the dynamic I described is precisely where it all goes wrong. In threads on this site some men and women talk about men being cheap, or worse yet somehow less manly if they allow a women to pay. It's almost funny. Not quite though.
Eh, well that's just because (or mostly because) the majority of the time the guy does the asking early on, and the asker has an expectation to pay (they don't always end up that way). I mean, I could just go out with the few people that come out and ask me outright, but I'd rather have a more robust social life than that (it only happens maybe a handful of times a year). I think much more women would be willing to make the first move if so many guys didn't look down on women that do.
Eh, well that's just because (or mostly because) the majority of the time the guy does the asking early on, and the asker has an expectation to pay (they don't always end up that way). I mean, I could just go out with the few people that come out and ask me outright, but I'd rather have a more robust social life than that (it only happens maybe a handful of times a year). I think much more women would be willing to make the first move if so many guys didn't look down on women that do.
Which brings me back to "who needs those guys?" But I'm beating a wounded and weary horse, not in your case in particular timberline, but on this issue in general. Especially since I typically paid for dates.
If he hadn’t ordered for her she definitely would have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu: BEEF tacos.
‘Cause entitlement. And hypocrisy!
More fun to picture the guy ordering pork tacos for her, then sending her a bill.
Even Lobster Guy didn't send a bill, he just wanted to know what we thought of that strong independent woman.
We're never hearing from the guys who wonder what to think when the woman pays.
They're out there dating, I guess, and don't have any questions.
Only the guys who end up with Entitled Princesses have a question, and I think that may speak volumes about their pickers.
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He obviously would have had no problem with paying if he'd "gotten" whatever he wanted in return (which would indicate he was enthusiastic about paying that check), plus he DIDN'T state or even hint that she'd acted entitled and so on, so there you go. We can't "know" for sure that things happened this way but by the same token it's also pretty laughable to assume this was a feminism bust and hypocrisy, and to be sure to go out of one's way to make a snark about that.
