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It's gross if he isn't following proper sterilization procedures and/or using condoms on them sure, but I would think he would be. No reason to believe he isn't.
Nope, I'm with her: gross. It isn't just sterilization. Toys are not about orgasms per se they are about intimacy. And how matter how much they are "cleaned" knowing they were on/in someone else the night before IS gross. In large part because of how odds it is with the sharing of intimacy let alone ...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,096,007 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by msgirlnyc
Nope, I'm with her: gross. It isn't just sterilization. Toys are not about orgasms per se they are about intimacy. And how matter how much they are "cleaned" knowing they were on/in someone else the night before IS gross. In large part because of how odds it is with the sharing of intimacy let alone ...
Yeah, sure. Toys are about relationship intimacy. Gotcha.
Yeah, sure. Toys are about relationship intimacy. Gotcha.
Another unwritten rule, apparently.
Quote:
Originally Posted by msgirlnyc
No, I am simply saying explicit communication is often no more a guarantee than an implicit one. People who are going to cheat (lie, steal, kill) are going to do so.
How did you get to THIS point??? You're just throwing out red herring arguments now.
He's a liar and cheater now???
He was not your boyfriend. He couldn't have cheated on you because you two didn't have an agreement. You ASSUMED he was behaving the way you wanted to behave.
Sounds to me like he was rubbing your face in it, as there was NO good reason for him to casually bring up that he had boned another woman within 48 hours of you. I doubt it even happened. He made it up to force your hand.
As for the toy he's "never" used before...yeah, LOL.
Yeah, sure. Toys are about relationship intimacy. Gotcha.
How glib is that? Toys are NOT about intimacy? Is sex not about intimacy then? Toys are decidely about intimacy, you are opening yourself (no pun intended well not completely) and your desires up to another person completely. Do you think (most) people pull out their toys for one-night stands or first dates? Or do they slowly reveal them or introduce them into a trusting sexual relationship. Not sure about YOU "Tim" but: yes, toys are about relationship intimacy. Then again you are the guy who throws the negligee on the floor so maybe not so much for you...
How glib is that? Toys are NOT about intimacy? Is sex not about intimacy then? Toys are decidely about intimacy, you are opening yourself (no pun intended well not completely) and your desires up to another person completely. Do you think (most) people pull out their toys for one-night stands or first dates? Or do they slowly reveal them or introduce them into a trusting sexual relationship. Not sure about YOU "Tim" but: yes, toys are about relationship intimacy. Then again you are the guy who throws the negligee on the floor so maybe not so much for you...
Again... these are YOUR rules.
No, for some people toys are just part of getting off.
For some people, sex is definitely NOT about intimacy.
You really have to look up and around some more so you have a better idea about other perspectives.
Has anyone ever suggested to you over the years that you are rigid or legalistic in your viewpoints?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,096,007 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by msgirlnyc
How glib is that? Toys are NOT about intimacy? Is sex not about intimacy then? Toys are decidely about intimacy, you are opening yourself (no pun intended well not completely) and your desires up to another person completely. Do you think (most) people pull out their toys for one-night stands or first dates? Or do they slowly reveal them or introduce them into a trusting sexual relationship. Not sure about YOU "Tim" but: yes, toys are about relationship intimacy. Then again you are the guy who throws the negligee on the floor so maybe not so much for you...
Negligees are just another thing in the way of getting down. Toys are props for fun. I personally am not real into them, but each to their own.
Intimacy is in the heart and mind. Not with toys, or scanty clothing.
How did you get to THIS point??? You're just throwing out red herring arguments now.
He's a liar and cheater now???
He was not your boyfriend. He couldn't have cheated on you because you two didn't have an agreement. You ASSUMED he was behaving the way you wanted to behave.
That was hardly my point. I was replying to a larger assertion; that explicit communication has any more merit than assumptions. People do what they want. Trust isn't found or earned with words. And I did not call him EITHER a liar OR a cheater. I've stated repeatedly he could in fact do what he wants. It is the fact he wanted to do it I found and find disturbing. I'm going to go out on a limb and say if I'd said to him that night "ok so we are in a committed relationship now" he'd have still done what he did. Because he wanted to. You people and your "agreements". I don't need to have him NOT do what he wants because I promise him something in return. I don't in fact WANT someone to not agree to do what they want to do for me. That is a recipe for disaster. I didn't need for him to "promise" me anything to not have done the same thing the next night. Again: I get HE isn't like that and *I* assumed it. My bad. But no amount of talking/agreeing would have changed this.
That was hardly my point. I was replying to a larger assertion; that explicit communication has any more merit than assumptions. People do what they want. Trust isn't found or earned with words. And I did not call him EITHER a liar OR a cheater. I've stated repeatedly he could in fact do what he wants. It is the fact he wanted to do it I found and find disturbing. I'm going to go out on a limb and say if I'd said to him that night "ok so we are in a committed relationship now" he'd have still done what he did. Because he wanted to. You people and your "agreements". I don't need to have him NOT do what he wants because I promise him something in return. I don't in fact WANT someone to not agree to do what they want to do for me. That is a recipe for disaster. I didn't need for him to "promise" me anything to not have done the same thing the next night. Again: I get HE isn't like that and *I* assumed it. My bad. But no amount of talking/agreeing would have changed this.
LOL @ "you people"
I mean... you came here and started this convo with "us people."
You are of course perfectly welcome to have this ^^^ viewpoint, but you will continue to have trouble establishing a relationship without the ability to trust.
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