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Went out to lunch today with a couple of coworkers and usually when I hang around other men whether it's friends or work related we'll talk about a million different things, thing likes work, cars, movies, sports, politics and we tend to basically keep it light and casual. Today for some reason the subject of relationship's came up. Like I said, in my experience when guys get together we tend to usually keep it light and talk across a lot of subject but today we almost exclusively talked about marriage and relationships. We are all mid forties and later and have dissimilar background in life and how we were raised. I only mention that to give some context here.
We were talking about what is important in relationships like what things we valued and how when you're 25 you look at things like relationships differently than you do when you're 45. It was sorta weird because it felt like this could have been a scene right out of that show "men of a certain age", for those that watched that show.
Apart from what I post here I don't broach these sometimes deeply personal subjects in real life that much, as again, I think most men tend to not get into too much detail about things like that. When guys are young we talk about women and sex and do a little bragging or whatever, mostly it's just BS for the most part. I think you know what I mean.
I wonder how often this sort of thing comes up with other guys? Women can be free to chime in too but it seems like women tend to discuss these sorta things more often than men do, at least stereotypically speaking. I don't surround myself with flocks of women so I can't say for sure what is discussed or not.
I loved that show. I wish it had lasted more than one season!
In my experience, men in middle age tend to get more "real" and emotional. Think about it. Throughout human history, as men aged, they became "sages," and people would come to them seeking advice and insight on Life. That is where you are naturally heading. You and your peers have lived a lot of experiences and have come to the point where it is no longer necessary to guard your machismo, and now you can feel comfortable sharing your wisdom.
Imaging how useless a sage would be who only talked about sex and football? :P
I loved that show. I wish it had lasted more than one season!
In my experience, men in middle age tend to get more "real" and emotional. Think about it. Throughout human history, as men aged, they became "sages," and people would come to them seeking advice and insight on Life. That is where you are naturally heading. You and your peers have lived a lot of experiences and have come to the point where it is no longer necessary to guard your machismo, and now you can feel comfortable sharing your wisdom.
Imaging how useless a sage would be who only talked about sex and football? :P
I imagine this much is true.
Unfortunately this thread will probably die a quick death as it's not nearly salacious enough.
I know (very few) men who share A LOT, like TOO much. About themselves or their buddies who share too much also. It makes me feel bad for their wives because I (and other people) know their deepest bedroom secrets and barely even know the wife.
Most men I know don't share much amongst themselves. They either don't talk about that kind of stuff in general or only with women.
If two women are stuck in an elevator for half an hour, they know all about the other persons relationship issues once they get out. Heck, I met strangers at pedicure and knew afterwards what weird habits their husbands have.
If two men are stuck in an elevator for 5 days, they usually don't talk about relationships, they keep it superficial.
I feel like my husband leans more toward discussing that stuff with just me OR once in a blue moon, his brother. But I know he and his brother don't get as deep into it as we do.
I am sometimes surprised how much time men can spend together without talking deep.
I have one of many examples: Ex bfs best buddy comes over for dinner. Ex is not home yet, so I hang with his bff for an hour.
A few days later I say to ex "you never told me that John did ... /in his past worked at .../dated a ...for 5 years/ had cancer/ is an orphan .../used to be an alcoholic ..." Stuff you should know if you are friends for 10 years. And ex said "really?? Are you serious? no, I had no idea. I know what his first car was though and his favorite football team"
Just today my friends and I were talking about how our wives' couch pillow arrangement makes us feel safe. Then we all went to the restroom together. Sorry, you had to know that was coming.
Seriously, I haven't heard any discussion like that about marriage and relationships. The closest I've heard is guys talking about their attraction to a certain ethnicity, their crush on a certain celebrity, their thing for women who aren't into certain hobbies, etc. Or they might talk about how dangerous they think a certain woman or type of woman is.
I think the reason guys don't discuss personal relationship/sex stuff is pride.
A woman has no shame in saying she is trying to get pregnant for a year. A guy would probably not tell his buddy because he feels like his "stuff" doesn't work.
A woman may tell her gfs that her guy wants some weird thing in bed and she is just not flexible enough or prude or whatever. A guy would most likely not bring up to his buddies that he is too prude to do anything sexual.
A woman may tell her gfs that she wants more/less sx than her partner. A guy would probably not bring up that his gf wants more sex than him because he is THE MAN.
My mom passed away in the fall, and my dad, who is not quite 70, has reacquainted himself with a now-divorced woman from his distant past.
I am ok with that. My dad and I are close and I am glad he has found someone to talk to and spend time with. But I am not thrilled about the fact that he now wants to use me as his relationship sounding board.
I like hearing about how it's going with her, but when he starts to veer over into more romantic issues I get creeped out and stop him. I told him once that I am not comfortable going there with him. It's just a personal boundary I have. His reply?
"You're the only person I have to talk about this stuff with."
I told him that's not true, or it shouldn't be, and we started talking more about it and he admitted that he had mostly closed himself off from friendships while married to my mom. And now he could see that was a bad idea.
There is great value in male friendships, and their therapeutic aspect is probably underrated to the men involved in them.
Fortunately he is trying to strengthen his friendships as well, so he can have someone (besides me!!) to be a forum for his romantic foibles.
My mom passed away in the fall, and my dad, who is not quite 70, has reacquainted himself with a now-divorced woman from his distant past.
I am ok with that. My dad and I are close and I am glad he has found someone to talk to and spend time with. But I am not thrilled about the fact that he now wants to use me as his relationship sounding board.
I like hearing about how it's going with her, but when he starts to veer over into more romantic issues I get creeped out and stop him. I told him once that I am not comfortable going there with him. It's just a personal boundary I have. His reply?
"You're the only person I have to talk about this stuff with."
I told him that's not true, or it shouldn't be, and we started talking more about it and he admitted that he had mostly closed himself off from friendships while married to my mom. And now he could see that was a bad idea.
There is great value in male friendships, and their therapeutic aspect is probably underrated to the men involved in them.
Fortunately he is trying to strengthen his friendships as well, so he can have someone (besides me!!) to be a forum for his romantic foibles.
I met a lot of men in the past years who don't have friends. I wondered why because they are great people. Turns out, most of the times they had a long term partner/wife and concentrated on the relationship, time with her, family. Then things fell apart and they had no one left.
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I think you know what I mean. 
