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I made a thread a few weeks ago about an older woman that is a doctor that start showing signs of low interest and seemingly ghosted/slow faded me after it felt like I was making more contact.
I decided to text her last week, about three weeks after no contact. Long story short I sent her a message saying that I don't know what transpired between us and mentioned that we had chemistry worth exploring. She texted me over WhatsApp something we never used telling me she was out the country but said let's talk.
She said that the silence was mutual on both ends. She said she hasn't dated anyone since me (I know she was at least active on dating apps) and asked me why did I decide to contact her and why did I decide now.
So we had some light texting until she got back. Some banter. I tell her I want to see her and that I have a bone to pick with her.
It seems that she got a bit upset with my comment and stated that I shouldn't have a bone to pick with her, that we both stopped contacting each other and if I want to share something then that's fine. Long story short she agreed last week and today that we can meet up. It is tentative and more like "I'll touch base with you after I get through this week" and pretty responsive to my texts.
I'm not sure what will happen. I'm not sure why she divulged that she hasn't dated anyone. I'm also questioning why she thinks I stopped contacting her when she start withdrawing. It sounds like a bit of reframing things making it seems I was the one who caused things. I'm wondering if I should just make a phone call before meeting her because I'm not sure if I will see her in the middle of the week.
I didn't apologize for my behavior but rather I said that maybe I misconstrued things. Thoughts?
I made a thread a few weeks ago about an older woman that is a doctor that start showing signs of low interest and seemingly ghosted/slow faded me after it felt like I was making more contact.
I decided to text her last week, about three weeks after no contact. Long story short I sent her a message saying that I don't know what transpired between us and mentioned that we had chemistry worth exploring. She texted me over WhatsApp something we never used telling me she was out the country but said let's talk.
She said that the silence was mutual on both ends. She said she hasn't dated anyone since me (I know she was at least active on dating apps) and asked me why did I decide to contact her and why did I decide now.
So we had some light texting until she got back. Some banter. I tell her I want to see her and that I have a bone to pick with her.
It seems that she got a bit upset with my comment and stated that I shouldn't have a bone to pick with her, that we both stopped contacting each other and if I want to share something then that's fine. Long story short she agreed last week and today that we can meet up. It is tentative and more like "I'll touch base with you after I get through this week" and pretty responsive to my texts.
I'm not sure what will happen. I'm not sure why she divulged that she hasn't dated anyone. I'm also questioning why she thinks I stopped contacting her when she start withdrawing. It sounds like a bit of reframing things making it seems I was the one who caused things. I'm wondering if I should just make a phone call before meeting her because I'm not sure if I will see her in the middle of the week.
I didn't apologize for my behavior but rather I said that maybe I misconstrued things. Thoughts?
It sounds like a hugely awkward misunderstanding that is fairly common when communicating via the written word.
Were you joking with the "bone to pick" comment?? If so, it didn't come off.
You need to just fess up that you were stalking her activity on the dating apps so she can clarify HER intentions.
And then take that opportunity to just express yourself and get it all out there. Apparently she wants you to put forth more effort too.
The one good thing about your texting her is that you got some feedback that you can work with and adapt your own behavior going forward.
It sounds like a hugely awkward misunderstanding that is fairly common when communicating via the written word.
Were you joking with the "bone to pick" comment?? If so, it didn't come off.
You need to just fess up that you were stalking her activity on the dating apps so she can clarify HER intentions.
And then take that opportunity to just express yourself and get it all out there. Apparently she wants you to put forth more effort too.
The one good thing about your texting her is that you got some feedback that you can work with and adapt your own behavior going forward.
Yeah I clarified that I was serious about meeting her but don't take me super serious with my jokes. I have been light on things but have been honest about me wanting to reconnect and clear the air.
I'm really just trying to get a face to face and she somewhat agreed but it seems like end of the week sort of thing but I feel like I should say things sooner.
It seems she is looking for a serious relationship and the language she used when we were seeing each other suggested as such. Thing is I'm trying to put my ego aside and put it all on the table. Working on that. thanks.
Talk to her on the phone. Soon. Texting is good for setting things up but you need some voice to voice time, if for no other reason than to avoid misunderstandings about when you're joking and when you're not.
Talk to her on the phone. Soon. Texting is good for setting things up but you need some voice to voice time, if for no other reason than to avoid misunderstandings about when you're joking and when you're not.
Beaste...you are still dragging her kicking and screaming.
Even her "agreement" to meet with you came on the heels of you continuing to plead your case and push and she hasn't even committed to that.
It's time to read the writing on the wall, beaste.
Why did she say she's not seeing anyone...you're reaching. She said it because she could tell how badly you want to pick things up again and she feels guilty and doesn't want to come off like a bad guy. You keep putting her in "a spot." She politely texts you back, or lightly, because you insist and she doesn't want to be rude - but she's so not into this. Can't you see that?
Eh...there are phone people and there aren't .
I'm older than dirt and don't mind texts. The phone CAN sometimes speed things up.
With that part aside, I am in favor of second chances just because texts, etc can be misconstrued.
Go for a face to face meeting. That may settle any questions.If she stalls, you've got your answer and it's time to let it go.
Eh...there are phone people and there aren't .
I'm older than dirt and don't mind texts. The phone CAN sometimes speed things up.
With that part aside, I am in favor of second chances just because texts, etc can be misconstrued.
Go for a face to face meeting. That may settle any questions.If she stalls, you've got your answer and it's time to let it go.
The thing is, she already did stall...twice. He asked her and she said she'd confirm it at some later time and then he asked again and she vaguely said she'd "touch base with" him later in the week. Stall stall stall.
Definitely stalling. The OP is being really pushy at this point, IMO. This woman is trying to be polite (witness the thread about the guy who sent a bill to his "ghoster" for an idea of the backlash when a woman doesn't respond, LOL...okay, so that one was a doozie, I admit) but there are limits. She is giving him every possible sign she just doesn't want to continue, and eventually she will definitely put her foot down because she'll just be that aggravated...why wait for that to happen? IMO.
Beaste...you are still dragging her kicking and screaming.
Even her "agreement" to meet with you came on the heels of you continuing to plead your case and push and she hasn't even committed to that.
It's time to read the writing on the wall, beaste.
Why did she say she's not seeing anyone...you're reaching. She said it because she could tell how badly you want to pick things up again and she feels guilty and doesn't want to come off like a bad guy. You keep putting her in "a spot." She politely texts you back, or lightly, because you insist and she doesn't want to be rude - but she's so not into this. Can't you see that?
Thanks man I just like confirmation. Kinda had this murky situation where we were seeing each other beyond a few dates but not exclusive.
A lot of resistance for sure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
The thing is, she already did stall...twice. He asked her and she said she'd confirm it at some later time and then he asked again and she vaguely said she'd "touch base with" him later in the week. Stall stall stall.
Definitely stalling. The OP is being really pushy at this point, IMO. This woman is trying to be polite (witness the thread about the guy who sent a bill to his "ghoster" for an idea of the backlash when a woman doesn't respond, LOL...okay, so that one was a doozie, I admit) but there are limits. She is giving him every possible sign she just doesn't want to continue, and eventually she will definitely put her foot down because she'll just be that aggravated...why wait for that to happen? IMO.
I haven't been scathing or pushy. I did say that it'd be better in person. I did say 'let's meet xyz' and that was that though. I get what you're saying though and would rather just tell me straight up. I think that's hard lol but I would think she had so many 'outs' to just stop contacting me.
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She said it because she could tell how badly you want to pick things up again and she feels guilty and doesn't want to come off like a bad guy. You keep putting her in "a spot." She politely texts you back, or lightly, because you insist and she doesn't want to be rude - but she's so not into this. Can't you see that? 
