Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend (of a few years who I am quite serious with) invited me to an event that he goes to every year with his siblings. I told him I am not really into that particular event (comic/actor meet and greet), but he really wanted me to go as part of their tradition, so I agreed. Well it’s this weekend, so we were planning and he asked if I could bring him the money for the ticket, $40.... All I could think was, you invited me, your girlfriend, to something I’m not even interested in, and now I have to pay my way?
Just to be clear I am not one of those girls that expects the guys to pay for everything, we share dinner bills, etc all the time ,but I felt this situation was different. He invited me out and now wants me to pay. Am I in the wrong to be a little annoyed here? I don’t know why this is bothering me so much, I guess because he expected it rather than asking if I could help out. Oh, and then he asked if we can take my car, this event is an hour away....
I just don’t know what to think. He is a giving person normally, but has always asked I pitch in on things like “maybe you can leave the tip?” When we are out. Or he says I’ll buy this if you get us a drink later? Which I hated at first but I get it, it’s fair. He doesn’t make a lot, actually I make more and we both have student debt. But once in a while I’d like to be treated I guess
OP, you're not even interested in the event. So just tell him it's not worth $40 to you, to attend an event you have no interest in--it's not your type of thing. Thank him for thinking to include you in the family tradition, but there will be other family occasions for you to join into, you'll pass on this one, but "thanks again". That's perfectly reasonable.
While I agree that in this day and age of equality it is not unreasonable to expect women to pick up the tab sometimes, as far as I'm concerned if you do the inviting you should do the paying.
Yes....unless you pointedly discuss who is paying for what beforehand.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend (of a few years who I am quite serious with) invited me to an event that he goes to every year with his siblings. I told him I am not really into that particular event (comic/actor meet and greet), but he really wanted me to go as part of their tradition, so I agreed. Well it’s this weekend, so we were planning and he asked if I could bring him the money for the ticket, $40.... All I could think was, you invited me, your girlfriend, to something I’m not even interested in, and now I have to pay my way?
Just to be clear I am not one of those girls that expects the guys to pay for everything, we share dinner bills, etc all the time ,but I felt this situation was different. He invited me out and now wants me to pay. Am I in the wrong to be a little annoyed here? I don’t know why this is bothering me so much, I guess because he expected it rather than asking if I could help out. Oh, and then he asked if we can take my car, this event is an hour away....
I just don’t know what to think. He is a giving person normally, but has always asked I pitch in on things like “maybe you can leave the tip?” When we are out. Or he says I’ll buy this if you get us a drink later? Which I hated at first but I get it, it’s fair. He doesn’t make a lot, actually I make more and we both have student debt. But once in a while I’d like to be treated I guess
OK, I missed this part before. You make more than he does? He shouldn't have to ask you to pitch in for the dates, and to cover the tips. You should have been doing that all along. Why was that something you hated? That's odd, OP. Especially if you both met when you were students; not sure if that's the case. It's pretty normal when dating in college, or after graduation, when everyone's saddled with debt and is struggling just to find a job and get a start in the working world, to have no expectations that any one person carry the cost of dating. It's about being happy to spend time together, so you do whatever is necessary to have that happen. Pay your own way? Sure, why not? It's about enjoying each other's company.
This poor guy! If I were in his shoes, I'd be pretty resentful that someone who was making more than I was expected a free ride, or had to be cajoled into contributing their part to the dating.
But I see that as a separate issue to his inviting you to an event you're not interested in, after you stated you weren't interested, then suddenly telling you that you had to pay for your own ticket. And that he needed your car, in order to get to the event. It seems like he only invited you, because he didn't have transportation to the event. That would explain why he insisted, even after you said you weren't into it. That's a little sneaky/manipulative.
Anyway, tell him he's free to take your car to the event, but that you'll sit it out at home, no hard feelings. Tell him sincerely to enjoy himself. This doesn't have to be any kind of a blow-up issue, unless he makes it into one. By graciously offering your car, hopefully that will prevent any fallout.
Just to clear it up, he doesn’t need my car to get there, he has a car. A week or so back we discussed using my car more because it is a lease and he owns, saving miles because I have a short commute. I just would have liked him to ask rather than assume
Here is the thing, I have been a little resentful in the finance area lately. I just bought a house (he still rents from a friend.. at 32 y.o), and I have been spending a lot to get the house together. He stays with me on weekends and helps here and there with food, but we split when we go out. I guess the reason in my OP I got so annoyed is stemming from the fact that I don’t feel like he is where he should be in the job, career, finances, but he is trying. It scares me that he doesn’t have more of his life together, so I take things like this way more seriously than I should. But again, it would be nice to be treated by my man once in a while, especially when he invited me
I don’t feel like he is where he should be in the job, career, finances, but he is trying. It scares me that he doesn’t have more of his life together...
You are judging his life by your standards and expectations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersL085
..., so I take things like this way more seriously than I should. But again, it would be nice to be treated by my man once in a while, especially when he invited me
Do you know if he has a serious plan for his future? Have you talked about it together?
Yes you should be annoyed.The fact that he knows that his event isn't your thing BUT he wanted you still to go with him...HE should be the one footing the bill for this.It would be like me asking out a friend to dinner and expecting that person to pay for their half of the dinner...even though I invited them out.Crazy! He should be paying AND using HIS car as well.He sounds like a cheapskate to me.That gets annoying.There is nothing wrong with sharing things BUT he always expect that from you???
I'd be annoyed that I had to pay to go to something I didn't want to attend that I was INVITED to... and on top of that, we are driving MY car to get there. If you invite somewhere I don't want to go and I reluctantly agree, don't make me pay or drive my car!!! LOL
I'd be annoyed that I had to pay to go to something I didn't want to attend that I was INVITED to... and on top of that, we are driving MY car to get there. If you invite somewhere I don't want to go and I reluctantly agree, don't make me pay or drive my car!!! LOL
The invitation clearly was just a pretext to gain access to her car. IDK, I guess they don't have Uber, there? Or he didn't want to pay for a long-distance Uber ride? He couldn't have said, "Hey, can I borrow your car for an annual family thing, I'll fill the gas tank"?
I have a friend I get together with once a month. We go out to dinner. One time I pay, next time she pays. Sometimes we both kick in for the tip. I just had this weird question pop into my head - sounds like we are dating, doesn't it?
I don't think inviting someone, given the way the OP handles your relationship - making sure you pay your fair share - eliminates ones need to pay their fair share. He is only going on the way you have trained him to date you, and asking you for money is not a faux pas in your case.
Also, what's wrong with asking you to drive? Your car is probably better suited for whatever is planned, so he naturally asked you to use your car.
You agreed to go, so you should go. It makes you a part of the family.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
