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Marriage is a job. Its like a farm. The married couple are the farmers.
If you don't nurture it and take care of it, it will dry up, turn to dust, and everything will blow away.
If you want it to succeed and put your mind to its success, it will thrive and be the best thing you have ever experienced in your life.
There is one catch though - it only takes one farmer not putting their mind to it for it to fail. BOTH farmers must put their mind to it for it to thrive.
Its not a sentence. Either party can get out of it at anytime.
Speaking of farmers...my first and only encounter long ago was at a farm and the couple were so unhappy, I felt so so sorry for the farmer, but they stuck things out till one passed or. The farmer I felt was so cheated out of happiness from the partner.
I always find it so sad when someone says they've never or hardly ever seen any good marriages. It's no wonder that person would not have a favorable view of it.
I am divorced but I would not mind at all being married again because I HAVE been fortunate to witness MANY good marriages along the way, and I learned a hell of a lot during the care, maintenance and eventual dissolution of my 26-year marriage. I would like to think I could apply those lessons to make something successful.
Any jokes about marriage being a sentence are funny, haha, but if it is such that means the participants sentenced themselves and continue to stay "imprisoned," and that's not funny at all.
I always find it so sad when someone says they've never or hardly ever seen any good marriages. It's no wonder that person would not have a favorable view of it.
I was very fortunate that the first marriage I ever saw—my parents—were the best example I ever saw, although plenty of the couples my parents were friends with were great examples too.
So I know that great marriages are possible. I've seen several.
I think the concept of marriage has good meaning, but unfortunately people have turned it into nothing more than a piece paper and a social media status.
I have never seen so many women brag about having rings, while their men cheat on them consistently. I've never seen so many guys brag about how they're married, and they are constantly arguing with their wives. It shows me that it's blown out of proportion and glamorized WAY too much in the media. I wish people would keep their lives and marriages to themselves. Truly happily married people and happy people don't talk about it. It's just an addition to their lives that they occasionally acknowledge because they understand it's only special to THEM.
The decent relationships are the ones I barely notice, I just notice they're happy people. I've seen my fair share of bad marriages as well. My parents marriage is a good example of good on the surface but sad underneath. Their split was long and painful for everyone. But both of my parents want to remarry. I'm indifferent to it.
You're 80, and you're happy. As I'm sure you know, we each get to decide on our own happiness. For me, through better and worse, I'm happy being married to my husband. I don't know what I would choose to do if he passes before me.
I am married, but my views in marriage have changed over the years. I love the person I am with and our marriage has worked out well, but we could have had this all without it’s involvement. It’s one of thise things that depending on how you wish to view it, be it symbolic, some form of necessity or what have you...it’s what your going to end up taking away from it.
Our marriage was mostly in part to tradition and expectations coming on top of our over all feelings for one another. Our commitments to one another came before the considerations of marriage. The marriage was mostly left over childhood wishes needing to feel fulfilled on my wife’s side due to her influences and familial group and my desire to please the woman I was in love with.
We have both come to understand our marriage really did not need to happen for us to actually be happy with one another, but it took the marriage for us to understand this.
I always find it so sad when someone says they've never or hardly ever seen any good marriages. It's no wonder that person would not have a favorable view of it.
I am divorced but I would not mind at all being married again because I HAVE been fortunate to witness MANY good marriages along the way, and I learned a hell of a lot during the care, maintenance and eventual dissolution of my 26-year marriage. I would like to think I could apply those lessons to make something successful.
Any jokes about marriage being a sentence are funny, haha, but if it is such that means the participants sentenced themselves and continue to stay "imprisoned," and that's not funny at all.
Well, have you seen a lot of good marriages? I didn't and I've been around 80 yrs now. Many couples tolerated each other for a lot of years, is that good? If you really want to find marriage again, it's out there...many men are looking for a second or third or or partner. I'm assuming you are female. If I experienced a lot of good marriages, I would have said that. I did say in my initial post, I experienced some I think, from the outside anyway.
You're 80, and you're happy. As I'm sure you know, we each get to decide on our own happiness. For me, through better and worse, I'm happy being married to my husband. I don't know what I would choose to do if he passes before me.
I'm 80 and not unhappy, I live with a lot of OA pain so I could be happier. But I don't want to take care of anyone, and LOVE love love my sleep and remember when my mom moved into the spare bedroom during their marriage...I was in a shock but I understand it now. My sleep is too important.
I HAVE been fortunate to witness MANY good marriages along the way
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth
I didn't and I'm around 80 years now ...
You said that, and I think that's a shame, but it does explain why you would feel the way you do. My own parents were married 50 years before my mom died unexpectedly last fall. I have many relatives and friends with good marriages too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth
Many couples tolerated each other for a lot of years, is that good?
It's not necessarily bad.
Marriage is just a promise, that's all. It's not a magic spell or anything. Both spouses are still fully human the day after the wedding as they were the day before, and all the good and bad that come with that go into the trials of sharing a life with someone.
So yes, there is certainly some amount of just plain old tolerating each other some days. You know that old joke, "My husband and I have never considered divorce. Murder, maybe, but never divorce."
But if a couple just lets their marriage simmer in a state of merely tolerating each other, that's on them, and it's a recipe for misery.
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