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My boyfriend and I have been together for just over two years. A few months ago we moved in together. Previous to this he had kept a relatively clean place, I didn’t really notice any red flags. Fast forward to today it’s like he flipped a switch.
Dishes are always left in the sink. Throws clothes everywhere. Trash piles up always until I take it out. Basically all chores will go undone unless I do them or ask repeatedly that he take care of what he agreed to take care of. I’ve talked to him. I’ve told him I can’t live like this and need him to pull his weight, but nothing seems to motivate him.
For further background we both work office jobs with normal hours. I’m at a loss on how to get him to do his fair share.
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over two years. A few months ago we moved in together. Previous to this he had kept a relatively clean place, I didn’t really notice any red flags. Fast forward to today it’s like he flipped a switch.
Dishes are always left in the sink. Throws clothes everywhere. Trash piles up always until I take it out. Basically all chores will go undone unless I do them or ask repeatedly that he take care of what he agreed to take care of. I’ve talked to him. I’ve told him I can’t live like this and need him to pull his weight, but nothing seems to motivate him.
For further background we both work office jobs with normal hours. I’m at a loss on how to get him to do his fair share.
Just do your own stuff. You do YOUR laundry, cook your own meal, etc.
You can't force him to do his fair share. You can talk to him and explain how you feel. You both work you both should do equal house work. If after you have talked to him about this, either he will change or he won't. If he won't, you need to decide if you want to live like this the rest of your life. It would be a deal breaker for me, I have no desire to do all the work while my partner does nothing. And if you had kids it would be more of the same except then you would have to take care of him and the kids while he does nothing.
I have thought about it but I want to make this work. It sounds simple in one sentence but it’s a lot of stress and work to move and would likely have a profound negative effect on the relationship....
I have thought about it but I want to make this work. It sounds simple in one sentence but it’s a lot of stress and work to move and would likely have a profound negative effect on the relationship....
Maybe the relationship isn't meant to work.
Frankly, this is a very common problem that people face when they move in together. Different habits collide. You have to talk it out with him and find a common ground, or someone will always feel resentful.
You can Google this for ways to bring it up that aren't accusatory and more likely to get you the results you want. But you need to know that one possibility is that he won't change at all. Then you will have to decide if you can live with that.
He is beginning to take you for granted. I would move out. Otherwise, like they said, you will live this way for the rest of your life. You are in the beginning stages when you are teaching him what is okay and what is not.
Frankly, this is a very common problem that people face when they move in together. Different habits collide. You have to talk it out with him and find a common ground, or someone will always feel resentful.
You can Google this for ways to bring it up that aren't accusatory and more likely to get you the results you want. But you need to know that one possibility is that he won't change at all. Then you will have to decide if you can live with that.
It’s weird though because he didn’t have these habits, or so I thought. His previous place was relatively clean.
It’s weird though because he didn’t have these habits, or so I thought. His previous place was relatively clean.
You just never know until you live with someone. Now you know, so you have to decide how to deal with it.
You cannot assume a parental role here, reminding him to "do his chores," or it will ruin your relationship. You are both supposed to be adults in charge of their own mess and being considerate of the other person you claim to love.
Have you TALKED to him about the difference you've noticed, or have you just "reminded" him to clean up?
Like I said, there are about a million articles about this online.
He is beginning to take you for granted. I would move out. Otherwise, like they said, you will live this way for the rest of your life. You are in the beginning stages when you are teaching him what is okay and what is not.
Maybe he is. But like I said I want to find a way to make this work. I want to find a way to motivate him and get him to not take me for granted.
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