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I am a 27 year old female. My boyfriend is 22 years old. Before we even made it official, he talked all the time about committment and marriage and how he was ready. He then tried to "sell" himself since I was unsure of the age difference. I did like him so I gave it a shot. In the beginning it was wonderful. We talked on the phone for hours throughout the work week. And by the weekends came we couldn't keep our hands off each other. He knew what to say to get me going and keep me happy. He brought me little surprised and would constantly tell me cheesey jokes to make me smile. We told each other such personal things that we claimed we had never told anyone before.
It was then a few months into our relationship I had noticed things changing. He had told me after a month of dating he was taking an axiety medication. He only took if for three months. But by the time he was done with it, he had no sex drive whatsoever. I thought, maybe it's was he medication having side effects.
We then decided to move in together at the last minute because his lease was up. And I thought for sure by us living together he would have more freedom and feel more at ease with us being together and having the chance to talk more.
But it continued. We still tried to make it work but I noticed his communication was closing off as well. He continually says he doesn't know or hasn't thought about it before. No matter the topic. Finally I would give up and accept his I don't knows out of frustration of not getting anywhere.
I also thought that maybe he was stressed with moving into a new place, and also changing jobs to be closer to the house. He also hates his job which could be another stress factor. But he has already been living here for three months and I can't keep using this excuse as to why he doesn't want to have sex with me.
The lack of intimacy has dwindled down to almost nothing and I have to always initiate. If I don't, he can go weeks without anything. Anything we me at least.
I then discovered that he was masturbating before I came home from work. I asked him why he didn't want to do anything with me since I was practically begging him. He always claims that he is tired and doesn't have the energy. I also asked what he thinks about or fantasizes about while he is masturbating and he claims he thinks of me.
But I have to be realistic. For one, he is five years younger than me. He is at the peak of his sexual drive and yet no desire to be intimate with me. He also has enough energy and drive to masturabte on his own. And second, if he truly thinks of me while masturbating, then why is not just having sex with me? So I have to come to ugly conclusion that he's getting off on someone or something else.
Not mention he no longer talks about marriage either. He says he wants to be with me and sees a future with me, but I'm not seeing it at all in his actions and suddenly he forgets what to say to turn me on. He never surprises me with anything. It takes everything in him just to give me a massage or something. He has gotten me so trained to not ask him for any intimacy during the week because he's too tired, and yet half the time, he still won't initiate on the weekends either.
Please help me. I don't know what to do. What have I done wrong?
Let him move out. There’s no reason to waste anymore time trying to analyze the situation. The only mistake you made was believing a 22 year old man was ready to settle down permanently.
He could have any number of problems, but you don’t need to fix them.
Let him move out. There’s no reason to waste anymore time trying to analyze the situation. The only mistake you made was believing a 22 year old man was ready to settle down permanently.
He could have any number of problems, but you don’t need to fix them.
Thank you for your response.
The reason I believed him about the whole marriage thing was because I had checked out his Facebook. I know that sounds ridiculous but people can really show their true colors on social media. And post after post was how he wanted committment. That he was tired of being hurt by women and that he was a good guy. That he just wanted someone to trust and to be loyal. And these were posts way before I came along so I know it's not just a show.
Even if he does want to marry you, is this the life you want? Move out NOW. You are young. Don't make the mistake of hanging around trying to fix this guy.
Moving in because his lease was up was a mistake. He’s got stuff going on that only he can fix.
It sounds like he is trying to compensate for something painful in his past and using this relationship as a band aid.
Say goodbye, wish him the best, and let him finish growing up. You don’t trust him anyway, and at this point being in this arrangement could be harmful to his emotional health.
Good advice here. Take it. It will make your life immeasurably more pleasant.
He has 'issues'. Gay? Trans? Whatever. We were all 22 once, and we all had tough jobs or whatever. But the chance to be intimate was WAY more important than anything else in our lives. Not to be crude, but that's the way 'normal' young men think and act. Our brains are not in our head! Hence his masturbating, but no sex with YOU.
Take a deep breath. Avoid the endless conversations about how things are going to change. Invite him to pack his things and move along. Stay out of the house until he is gone. It's over. YOU make the call; NOT HIM. He already made his, and for whatever reason, it doesn't involve you. Sad.
I’d believe it might have been side effects of the medication before you mentioned the masturbating before you come home. But all that on top of his insistence for marriage is a big nope from me. Let him move out and move on, no big deal. Something isn’t right here and you don’t need to be the one to try and figure it out. Lots of other fish in the sea
He sold you. a bill of goods. He knew all the right things to say, and kept up the act Moving in after just a few months of dating was a mistake. You need more time to get to know someone, before you do that, and you were already experiencing him pulling away, becoming more subdued and less talkative, and then the anxiety meds issue. Moving in doesn't solve those kinds of problems; it tends to make them worse, due to the intensely close proximity.
He's too young to even know himself, and to be ready for the kind of commitment he talks about. They say the brain doesn't fully mature until the mid-20's or so. He needs time to finish growing up. Move on.
Location: Born in L.A. - NYC is Second Home - Rustbelt is Home Base
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Sounds like a sex addict masturbating to porn all the time and nothing left for you. Send him to SA, SAA or SLA if you want to keep him. If not, find someone else.
Good luck!
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