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The thing is, the OP doesn't even have to actively seek employment. Full-time employment offers have found her. Even her current employer has offered a full-time option.
OP, I don't understand your statement (your husband's statement), that your working full-time conflicts with his work schedule. You work from home, so I assume this would be full-time work from home, is that right? You're home all day, anyway, so how could earning money while staying at home conflict with anything your husband is doing?
Who marries a guy who waits tables, anyway? Why did your parents push you into marriage with this guy? What do your parents say now? Have you ever suggested going to marriage counseling together?
As I recall from your earlier thread about the restaurant issue, you were given some legal advice about how your husband could go about getting some of his money back. It had something to do with saving any documentation from his pay stubs, or whatever paperwork exists relating to his wages. Did anything come of that?
Its weird that people assume that I would go homeless and broke if I get divorced...I mean I do have a job currently and of course I would convert to full time if things change. I dont like to discuss my wages because its a personal matter, but since some people assume that I will definitely struggle and go "homeless" I think making $30 is not horribly bad. I have been with my company for 10 years. If I get certified through the state and work for a court or hospital it will increase much, much more and my kids and I could live a better life on my income alone. I am currently trying to save up money for my certification exam that I will pay for out of my own pocket because no way my husband will splurge a few hundred bucks for me to get certified. Now you're wondering why I am not seeking that path, it all comes down to my children and my husband holding me back. He doesnt want to spend a penny on child care and only wants me to work in the morning hours while he's home so he can take care of the kids. After I work for about 3-4 hours, we switch roles.
Nowadays, there's not a shortage of single mothers, and not all of them raise crappy kids. Decent mothers will do their best to provide for their kids, even if it means working 3 jobs, and some dont even have any job experience to begin with. Im so tired of some people on here looking down on me as a woman, and presume that I will put my kids through hell if I decide to leave my husband and saying that I plan to marry a rich guy to take on my kids and I. I know this is the web, and we are anonymous, but have you ever considered what your words can do to someone who is depressed or already at their lowest point? Its only going to make them feel worthless, and hopeless and put crazy thoughts in their head which in turn can be dangerous. I'm only trying to make this work for the sake of my kids. I want them to grow up with a father figure. My happiness in this marriage is long gone.
Someone asked why I had sex and didnt practice abstinence. Then a few posts down, someone else said "why are you finding ways to not give him sex?" Like wth? What am I supposed to do then, I'm considered irresponsible for getting pregnant on failed birth control and conceiving my last kid, and now that I refuse sex someone else asks me why. I clearly cant please anyone. Would you want to have sex with someone you no longer have a spark with??
I dont even want to dwell on the past anymore, his failed restaurant business, why I married him in the first place. Clearly it was all a mistake, and now that I am older and realized its all a mistake in the first place, it clearly triggers my melt downs. Thanks for all the advises , but I think I will stop coming on here because some of the comments (I want to stress "SOME") are not productive and instead make me feel worse about myself and my situation. We had another huge fight again when the kids were at school, and made up before they came home. Its a crazy roller coaster, so I dont need anymore added stress from this forum. Have a blessed day.
Im dying to get a full time job, and ive had offers too but had to turn them down. I work from home, so i do have experience in the field (i work as a medical interpreter) but my husband keeps telling me that the daycare costs will offset whatever i earn so i end up stuck at home. Heck, my current company has the option for me to work full time if i choose to but he said it will conflict with his own schedule.
You are right, he wont listen and very dismissive. Im pretty sure the kids are holding us back because i can say with 1000% certainty that if we were childless I'd probably leave years ago. I lay in bed many nights wondering why i married him the first place. I felt like i must've been high when i said yes. Then he tries to guilt me with the kids knowing how much i love them, saying things like if i didnt marry him i wouldn't have these kids.
If he is dismissive and doesn't listen, then why are you taking his advice about not getting a full-time job? Just do it.
You and your husband are in a real pickle. Three kids and not making enough money. Your husbands right, day care would take all the extra you make. He could get a second job, but it will not help him, because if he starts bring in a lot more money, you'll probably dump him.
I was a single mom and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. Especially since my ex was a deadbeat parent that didn't help physically or financially.
You need to start TODAY doing whatever it takes to become financially independent from your husband. Sit down with him and TELL him you are not happy, you will be looking for full time work and that is FINAL. Find daycare for the kids and start working full time.
If there is any chance that you can work it out with you husband give it a good, hard try. I know my kids suffered because I worked a lot just to pay the bills. I wasn't the best mom I could have been with some help.
First let me say I am now in my 60's and made a marriage mistake early in life as well. Long story short after 10 years of marriage and two wonderful children I found ex having affairs. We divorced, it was horrible but I got through, eventually met a wonderful woman in the same boat as me with three children. We eventually married, she went on to finish college in her 40's and soon afterward her Masters. We both did well eventually in our jobs and after 22 years of marriage still love each other in retirement.
As for you, if you cant work it out with your husband, start planning to leave, job wise, and a place to live so you can continue in your life. You are losing great years ahead of you if you wait. Staying isn't doing your children any favors. They pick up on whats going on and will be unhappy as well. You can do it, you have the foundation to move on. And I would bet a few years down the road you and your children will be much happier. I know it seems impossible now, but you can do it. My wife did and we met and have never been happier. We just regret it took us so long to meet. Good luck
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