Psychology of overeager guys?? (nice, communicate, women, couple)
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What you describe sounds eager, but not red-flag emotional-issues-already-invested eager. I say keep your eyes wide open and see how the next date goes.
What I would say is making plans to see someone again soon after the first date is always a good thing. I love that type of eagerness.
Frequent text messages that seem to go nowhere, when you have not yet asked for a second date is a turn off. I call that needy and insecure. Like the man is looking for something to reassure him that he won't be turned down should he ask for a second date.
I liked when a man was confident enough to ask see me again soon after the first date. To me it meant he wasn't afraid of being around me, he wasn't afraid of running out of things to talk about, he wasn't trying to play the field by dating multiple women at the same time, and that he likes to go out and be social.
That pretty sums it up for me too. I'm confident but I'm also conscious of over-attention being seen as neediness, so I have to watch my texts, etc. I try to keep the number of phone calls, texts, emails, etc. about equal. At some point you have to wait for a reply, perhaps forever if necessary.
I don't see anything particularly worrisome. He's trying. What seems suspicious?
You can be more subtle in your guidance of his actions, and he will either adjust or bulldoze and be rejected. If you are definitely interested, though, to just throw cold water on him like that isn't the best course of action.
Although the initial second date request was a bit overeager, the OP's response to the "good morning" text comes of as aloof and uninterested to me...
I had a first date last night with a guy from Bumble. We hit it off very well and I was definitely interested in seeing him again.
As soon as I got home, I get a text from him -- he tells me he had a great time and was wondering if I'm free the very next morning for a second date. Seemed a bit soon to hang out again -- literally like 14 hours after the first date -- so I push it out a few days to the weekend.
Well I wake up this morning and he's already texted me "good morning, hope you have an amazing day." And then "I'll text you or call you later today." I respond politely and say that's not necessary since we just met and are getting to know each other. He seems taken aback but agreed and thanked me for my bluntness.
My dilemma -- I'm getting the overeager vibes from him and generally that's a huge turn off. It seems desperate and suspicious. I figure I'll give it another date or two and try to understand him a bit better. So has anyone else had experience with a guy like this? How did it turn out?
Oh, he's 30 and I'm 28. Both of us are looking for a long-term relationship and settling down. He's had two other relationships, both he proposed to but ended the engagement, both several years long.
Sounds like a "Harlequin hero" to me. This refers to an article I read years ago by the humorist/author Cynthia Heimel. She defined a "Harlequin hero" as a guy who is super-attentive right away, seems to really want to commit, and then as soon as you let your guard down and believe it's real, he'll say "I think you're more ready for a relationship than I am." You said he has proposed to two women and then ended the engagement. Sounds to me like if he's not a Harlequin hero, he can't seem to fish, so he cuts bait. Probably not a good bet.
If you decide to continue seeing this guy, be aware of the Harlequin hero danger and set some limits, because he won't. And just be prepared for a guy who gets cold feet.
If the guy showed no interest at all and didn’t text this thread would about the OP being worried that he isn’t showing any interest. This is the typical, modern, American woman. It’s never right no matter what a guy does.
There's a large middle ground in between no interest at all and texting multiple times a day, asking for a second date the morning after the first one. Just because you can't understand how much reasonable, middle ground there is in between these two extreme behaviors doesn't mean your clearly misogynistic views of default blaming "typical, modern, American women" are even remotely acceptable. It sounds to me like you do not like women who know that they want an emotionally and behaviorally healthy man, and won't settle for less than that. Intimidated much?
He definitely needs to calm down, but eagerness doesn't make him a psycho killer. She can get him to calm down without chopping off his ****.
I don't think anyone has suggested that he's a "psycho killer", just that his obvious neediness might be more than the OP wishes to deal with, which is fair. Personally, it would definitely be too much for me.
I think I have found some situations where men MAY have been too quick to lock a woman into exclusivity too soon, or at least not talking with her about it first.
This one woman, I think she was on her 4th or 5th date with a guy. He brought her as a +1 to a home party or some party. He had a lot of friends there and they were kind of giving him congratulatory "attaboys" for landing her. "She's smart, and pretty! Quite a catch you have there" or something like that.
This caught her off guard...and she wasn't expecting it. Or a guy would be calling her "honey" or "sweetie" by the third date.
I knew of one guy that wanted to move in with a woman after having dated her only 2 months. I have noticed men eager to "lock a woman down" sooner than latter.
Now...to be honest, I think they arent really bad guys, but I guess this depends on their own personal luck with women. If they've had a 1 year dry spell without any female contact, I can see them being this way sometimes lol
Something similar in the bolded happened to me and a woman I bowl with. We had done lunch 2 or 3 times, she had came over for dinner, and she agreed to go with me to a dinner that my employer put on. I wasn't super clear on the details, as in I mentioned it was dinner and drinks, but I didn't mention it was a banquet for management, and I could immediately see the air come out of the sails. We never recovered.
What started out as at least a budding friendship with potential for romance, turned into high level text messages that were very empty. It is what it is sometimes. There's only been one or two other times in my life where something turned from hot to frigidly cold that quickly. To add insult to injury, I think some people at my job thought we were dating, which wasn't the vibe I was trying to put off. I just wanted to bring a +1, because sometimes I get tired of going to every event by myself. I think that made her uncomfortable as well. You win some and you lose some. I'm super private with my dating life, and since I haven't brought a woman to any type of work event in nearly 10 years, this was the first time they've seen me with a person of the opposite sex in 10 years. I just didn't think of it that way.
What started out as at least a budding friendship with potential for romance, turned into high level text messages that were very empty. It is what it is sometimes. There's only been one or two other times in my life where something turned from hot to frigidly cold that quickly. To add insult to injury, I think some people at my job thought we were dating, which wasn't the vibe I was trying to put off. I just wanted to bring a +1, because sometimes I get tired of going to every event by myself. I think that made her uncomfortable as well. You win some and you lose some. I'm super private with my dating life, and since I haven't brought a woman to any type of work event in nearly 10 years, this was the first time they've seen me with a person of the opposite sex in 10 years. I just didn't think of it that way.
It's interesting how you mentioned having a +1. It was my main motivation for getting together with my first girlfriend, freshman year of college. I went through all of high school with no romantic experiences, and therefore skipped out on prom, homecoming dances, and even most band concerts and sports games, because I didn't want the embarrassment of coming stag. My high school's dating culture felt like it belonged in Los Angeles, rather than in a Chicago suburb. The newspaper even wrote an April Fools article about new graduation requirements: owning Abercrombie & Fitch shirts and having a prom date. That's saying a lot. So when college came, I was desperate to have a +1 for date-oriented events, like dances.
Funny enough, it's coming full circle today. I keep seeing subtle shaming of single men over 30. Which is me. The difference is that I now actively avoid relationships.
I went through all of high school with no romantic experiences, and therefore skipped out on prom, homecoming dances, and even most band concerts and sports games, because I didn't want the embarrassment of coming stag. My high school's dating culture felt like it belonged in Los Angeles, rather than in a Chicago suburb.
You must not know much about Los Angeles because I'm a native Angelino and LA wasn't like that when I went to high school. I had my first date at 16, a triple date [supervised]. I went to most of our games, certainly all the home games. You don't need a date at a high school football game. My date for the prom was our class valedictorian! I liked smart women even then and my prom date was arguably the smartest woman in my class!
Whatever your problem was or is, it has nothing to do with Los Angeles culture. I think it's all about you, and nothing but you. Don't get that incel thing and blame others. What ever you get or don't get, you earned it.
I think it's all about you, and nothing but you. Don't get that incel thing and blame others. What ever you get or don't get, you earned it.
You're right: I did earn it. By acting like a cringeworthy NiceGuy(TM). Also by not knowing better.
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What seems suspicious?
It sounds to me like you do not like women who know that they want an emotionally and behaviorally healthy man, and won't settle for less than that. Intimidated much?
