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Would just be hard to believe that after two great dates all of a sudden THEN, just days after date #2 where she texted me saying she had a great time and was looking forward to seeing me all day, THEN, she decided to think back about my "casual" talk and that she was done and would fade. If anything me inviting her over my place for dinner instead of out to a restaurant for the third date could have been the problem, but still it would be hard to believe to drastically change her mindset so quickly after we had hit it off so well.
Also, with regards to me dating a single mom, let me just make this clear. Not my cup of tea to begin with and never was. Would really have to be something special for me to consider it. That's basically what happened here. I wanted to see it through. I had that much of a nice time in the super short time I saw her to say, ok, let me see what happens here.
Your post makes it clear why she bailed imo. Did you ever show any interest in her boy? Ask to meet him? Ask things that parents have to deal with, like dr bills, schools, etc. Did you show ANY interest in wanting to help raise a boy?
Nope.
You admit needing time to warm up to the idea.
Or was it all about you having a great date?
Yep.
And 3rd date at your place. We all know what that means.
Her #1 priority is her son. If it was also your #1 priority, you'd still be dating her.
"Unfortunately the kid is sick and I offer to leave which with tears in her eyes she hints for me to do. As she tells me "If you don't ever want to see me again I understand" I say not to worry and how I totally understand how she has a child and what comes with that."
You offer to leave? How about offer to stay and help out any way you can? You "understand..what comes with that?" Good grief.
Your post makes it clear why she bailed imo. Did you ever show any interest in her boy? Ask to meet him? Ask things that parents have to deal with, like dr bills, schools, etc. Did you show ANY interest in wanting to help raise a boy?
Nope.
You admit needing time to warm up to the idea.
Or was it all about you having a great date?
Yep.
And 3rd date at your place. We all know what that means.
Her #1 priority is her son. If it was also your #1 priority, you'd still be dating her.
"Unfortunately the kid is sick and I offer to leave which with tears in her eyes she hints for me to do. As she tells me "If you don't ever want to see me again I understand" I say not to worry and how I totally understand how she has a child and what comes with that."
You offer to leave? How about offer to stay and help out any way you can? You "understand..what comes with that?" Good grief.
Lol. I went on 2 dates with this person. I barely knew HER. But you wanted me to start pretending to be a DAD? You thought I should have stayed after knowing her for all of a few days and been first introduced to this kid when he was SICK and to start helping with things? It absolutely wasn't my place to do that. My place was to kindly offer to step out which I did. She then texted me how I'm amazing for being so understanding. Did you read that part?
But because I didn't ask to MEET the son in general or talk about RAISING the kid 2 dates in, that was part of the issue???
Come on man.
And for what its worth I DID ask about her son here and there. I actually very much did.
Still, she was somewhat into me. That's known. So the question is why would she ghost.
The question is moot because we are not her.
I know it stings, and is disappointing, but there really is no purpose to this other than trying to find something that will ease your wounded pride. At this point, you may as well just pick the answer you like best and move on.
I would take that over ghosting any day. With ghosting, you get the feeling that you did something very wrong to the person. And let me tell you two dates or not, as nice as I treated her for her to just toss me in the dumpster and ghost me, it hurt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LI7788
I wouldn't go that far, Clara. The majority would probably agree it's better to just let it go seeing as how she's ignored me once and that's enough to call it a day. She technically disrespected me, and me running back now with some semi emotional text or whatever it would be would only make me look like a weak beta male.
oh the irony.
Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx
I would welcome feedback and offer to get lost after receiving it but I realize not everyone is capable of that.
Not everyone is capable of that, because they have dealt with people who take rejection far too seriously, personally, and see it as a competition. Either to negotiate, challenge, whatever. Their ego cannot handle it if someone they see as 'beta' has the nerve to turn down their 'alpha' self. See above.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
The question is moot because we are not her.
I know it stings, and is disappointing, but there really is no purpose to this other than trying to find something that will ease your wounded pride. At this point, you may as well just pick the answer you like best and move on.
Agreed. I bet the woman who is the subject of this thread caught a whiff of the OP's inner self and cut bait. I would not be surprised if she is already dating someone else, and that her profile is still on Match.
Not everyone is capable of that, because they have dealt with people who take rejection far too seriously, personally, and see it as a competition. Either to negotiate, challenge, whatever. Their ego cannot handle it if someone they see as 'beta' has the nerve to turn down their 'alpha' self. See above.
Ugh he must have edited that post and added that part after I posted. I wouldn't have bothered after that.
Yes, ego is obviously the problem here. The entitlement is seeping through, basically saying, "I gave you a chance! How dare you ghost me!"
Ghosting sucks, for sure, but to be SO invested after two dates and unable to acknowledge one's own faults in the process are the problems to focus on here.
Ugh he must have edited that post and added that part after I posted. I wouldn't have bothered after that.
Yes, ego is obviously the problem here. The entitlement is seeping through, basically saying, "I gave you a chance! How dare you ghost me!"
Ghosting sucks, for sure, but to be SO invested after two dates and unable to acknowledge one's own faults in the process are the problems to focus on here.
And if you read what that post was in response to you may have understood that you kind of took things out context because I was referring to what OTHERS might think I'd feel or look like by reaching back out to this girl. I personally am not into the whole alpha/beta/male ego junk, though I do like to hold onto some of my dignity when I can.
My ego is far from 'damaged' after one girl who I went on two dates with. Was I upset? Yes, sue me. I'm a person with some emotions. Maybe at 34 I want to find someone to date at this stage and maybe after two really nice dates being ghosted wasn't exactly my cup of tea.
With regards to my own faults, yes, I probably should have never mentioned the whole 'casual' thing from the start(even though again, on our first date, she specifically said she was fine with it) and should have just gone into the single mom thing with an open mind. Well I didn't, but, that being said, you, nor I, have absolutely no clue if that even had ANYTHING to do with what ended up happening. In my honest humble opinion, I really didn't do anything legitimately wrong, and certainly nothing that would ever deserve me be ghosted.
And if you read what that post was in response to you may have understood that you kind of took things out context because I was referring to what OTHERS might think I'd feel or look like by reaching back out to this girl.
That's not how it reads at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LI7788
I personally am not into the whole alpha/beta/male ego junk, though I do like to hold onto some of my dignity when I can.
Then why bring it up??
You can care about your dignity without making references to a movement that is about hate and resentment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LI7788
My ego is far from 'damaged' after one girl who I went on two dates with. Was I upset? Yes, sue me. I'm a person with some emotions. Maybe at 34 I kind of want to find someone to date at this stage. With regards to my own faults, yes, I probably should have never mentioned the whole 'casual' thing from the start(even though again, on our first date, she specifically said she was fine with it) and should have just gone into the single mom thing with an open mind. But I didn't, and that being said, you, nor I, have absolutely no clue if that even had ANYTHING to do with anything.
No one has said your ego was damaged. Your ego is driving your response, though, and it's possible to feel emotions without making this about your pride and self-worth.
A true story...a single mother with a 3 year old little girl.
First date. At the very last minute the babysitter calls to say so very sorry I need to cancel. Ten minutes later the date shows up and mother of 3 year old little girl apologizes but the babysitter has cancelled and if still inclined it can be for another evening. The gentleman chuckles and says not a problem dress her and we will all go together to the Steak house to eat.
The little girls eats ribs to her hearts content, falls asleep in her booster chair and gentleman takes sleeping child in his lap so mother can eat her food.
Moral of the story...good guys (and good mothers) always win. Just sayin'.
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oh the irony.
I wouldn't have bothered after that.
