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That's correct (my place on first date after the bar) , but we all know how emotional and quick to change their feelings a lot of women can be. Maybe she figured casual was fine, let me have fun, mess around, date him a bit, and then when after date 2 and all the emotions after what happened realized she was into me , then backed off seeing as how I told her I only want something casual. The last thing a girl, especially a single mom wants to do is put herself in a position to get hurt emotionally. Sad reality is that I actually wanted to really get to know her and no longer had intentions of this being a strictly casual thing/fling.
Just a theory, and probably not a too far fetched one.
Maybe
There are also women that try to change a man's mind if she was really into him. Not that common for a woman to run away from someone that she is totally into even though it does happen.
I would take that over ghosting any day. With ghosting, you get the feeling that you did something very wrong to the person. And let me tell you two dates or not, as nice as I treated her for her to just toss me in the dumpster and ghost me, it hurt.
Yes definitely.
For me, ghosting just means anything. And I've been ghosted before. The first time hurt, but anytime after that, my thoughts are "As long as she is breathing, it's all good." But the door is closed on a ghoster.
I would take that over ghosting any day. With ghosting, you get the feeling that you did something very wrong to the person. And let me tell you two dates or not, as nice as I treated her for her to just toss me in the dumpster and ghost me, it hurt.
Either way, the ghosting sucks. There's no excuse for it. It's selfish and childish.
Still, I would resist the temptation to go "sour grapes" on her. There's really no telling why she did this, and if you're gonna continue OLD it probably won't be the last time it happens, unfortunately.
As long as you are confident about what you want and considerate in how you go about getting that, you can come out of any situation knowing that you did what you could to make it work.
People take things WAYYY too seriously to give honest feedback now. If dating had exit interviews people would become depressed if they were told legit reasons why they weren't "the one." For some ghosting is just a way to spare feelings. Not my cup of tea, but I can see the reasoning.
I would welcome feedback and offer to get lost after receiving it but I realize not everyone is capable of that.
I would welcome feedback and offer to get lost after receiving it but I realize not everyone is capable of that.
Exactly. Then the inevitable "well that is something minor I can change that" comes up and you think less of the person like "this is REALLY why you won't date me?!"
Exactly. Then the inevitable "well that is something minor I can change that" comes up and you think less of the person like "this is REALLY why you won't date me?!"
I totally get the whole fear of the ghoster offending the ghostee and opening a can of worms via text or whatever it might be, but there IS a block feature on cell phones after all
But in my particular case I promise you that I did not give off one iota of a sign that I was some crazy creep who would get angry at the drop of a hat, etc. I was kind. I was polite. I was honest. On top of that, here is a girl who to me came off as very kind and honest herself, from the start. Hell, in our initial conversation on Match she was instantly quick to speak her mind letting me know about how she's not into casual and said "Casual doesn't work for me, but thanks for being honest. Good luck!". She didn't have to say that, she could have just ghosted there, right? So why was it so hard for her to throw me one text at the end after two nice dates? This is why my theory of her being ashamed/embarrassed of telling me while she did somewhat like me, she cannot handle dating right now, really might have some merit imo.
She might have felt she liked you too much and got scared away by thinking she would get hurt when you stuck with 'casual'.
For that same reason she may have chose ghosting because she was afraid you'd be able to convince her to keep seeing you.
32 year old mother of one 3 year old son. Never married. Local... reaches out to me on Match.com. We hit it off right away with a few messages and are talking about going out that night, a Wednesday, but the truth was I had always been very hesitant in dating single mothers so I let her know that I'm only looking to casually date right now. By this I was trying to protect her from possibly taking things too seriously on this first date as again, I have never been crazy about the single mom idea. She tells me that casual doesn't work for her and writes "Thank you for being honest. Good luck". I quickly explain to her how by casual I hope she knows I didn't mean sleeping around but more so "just not looking for a serious commitment right this second". She then says ok and our date is set for that night down the block from my apartment.
On the date, something shocking happened that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. The girl is so beautiful to the point where I feel that rare, once in a blue moon type of attraction to her, and on top of that, we are hitting it off BIG time. Chemistry that can only be described as awesome. We were truly enjoying each others company. I was floored bc I didn't have big expectations going into this. She does however tell me that while she's dated here and there recently as far as meeting people through friends, there has been nothing worthwhile and I am her FIRST date from Match. She says she just signed up a week ago and her "Friend" pushed her to do it. Ok. She comes back to my place for glass of wine and I give her a massage which she loves before we end up fooling around a bit more. With regards to sex she tells me she doesn't want to be a "first date girl" and she just has to get to know me better first. However she does say she wants it really bad and can tell we would have great chemistry. She has to force herself to hold off. I tell her I completely understand all that and don't want her to feel pressured. She also specifically tells me how she's "Ok" with casual dating and says "I'm not looking to get married tomorrow". We even make plans for a second date on the spot. She seems very happy. I was happy. I offer to drive her home which she loves and texts me later saying it was "beyond sweet" of me to do. There was hand holding on the ride home as well. One of the nicest first dates I've personally have ever had. In a nutshell, i was considering wanting to really get to know this girl. A complete 180 from my thoughts just a few hours earlier.
Date #2 is a few days later on Saturday. She suddenly can't get a babysitter to go out to the restaurant and has no choice but to invite me over her place after her son is asleep. I was fine with it. I offer to bring over drinks and she orders takeout. The chemistry is still amazing and we are both having a great time. At 34 and a BUNCH of dates in the past, I can whole heartedly say that this was real deal great chemistry. Laughing, talking, laughing, talking, nonstop. However, in an unfortunate twist her kid actually WAKES UP about 2 hours in and isn't feeling well. I don't see the kid. He's in his room crying. She seems stressed beyond belief but I tell her to do whatever she has to do and to take her time. Unfortunately the kid is sick and I offer to leave which with tears in her eyes she hints for me to do. As she tells me "If you don't ever want to see me again I understand" I say not to worry and how I totally understand how she has a child and what comes with that. I give her a kiss goodnight. She texts me saying she's so sorry, how this never happens, and how I’m “amazing” for being so understanding. Also says she was having fun with me and was “really looking forward to seeing me today”. Concrete evidence that she was at least somewhat legitimately into me, which I had already kind of had the idea of. I tell her "Same here". All was still fine IMO.
The next day (Sunday) I texted her asking how the kid was. She says thanks for asking and he's doing better with meds. We send a couple texts back and forth and the convo fizzles out. I didn't want to go right in with asking her on date #3. I wanted to wait a day or two. I've learned from experience that going full steam ahead within the first few weeks of dating someone typically isn't the best idea. Monday there was no communication. Then Tuesday around noon I text her. I invite her over my place for Friday night and say I will cook something nice for the two of us. While she was at work all day until 7:30pm, she did NOT respond to this text message until 8:30pm. She has written back at work to me before. She says she's can't Friday bc she has a "holiday party". NO counteroffer. Asks how my day was though. I was honestly very surprised at no counter along with the near 9 hours later response and wrote back something simple. She still responded, but it took another HOUR to do so. That's odd, I thought. But I didn't think into it too much more. I was however thinking that I should have given her options as far as what night to go out while I instead zeroed in on Friday.
So before momentum starts to fizzle out, the next night, Wednesday, I ask her if she want to go OUT to dinner with me if she's free within the next few days. She responds upbeat and says she's working late tomorrow and of course has the holiday party Friday but says "Maybe I can try and get a sitter for next week??". I tell her sure what day works for you? Lets plan ahead so you can get that sitter. She responds an hour later saying "Ok let me see what I can do about a sitter". That was Wednesday night.
Thursday, Friday and Saturday all went by with nothing. Finally Sunday night, rather late at 9:30p though not late for her, I send a casual text asking about her favorite football team, hoping to feel her out a bit. I make no mention of a third date and no bugging about the babysitter situation.
Ghosted.
It's been a week now and I'm still kind of in shock, and I'll admit, I was hurt. I had grown to like the girl enough to want to see things through. Just what on Earth happened I thought? An amazing two dates. Chemistry I hadn't experienced in a long time. Treating her nicely. And of course a text after our second date basically implying that she was definitely into this.
Did this brand new to Match.com girl just get spooked by the thought of legitimately dating someone when maybe she knew she really can't with a 3 year old? After all, it was only the second date when she couldn't get a sitter and then basically had to kick me out of her apartment bc of her kid. Stressful times for the girl no doubt, but to suddenly decide she just can't do this and then GHOST me without so much as a small explanation? What the hel is this dating world coming to?
Crap, I had to recently deal with a single mother that's dealing with the drama of her 19 year old ADULT daughter. She said she decided to put dating on hold for now until she gets that cleared up.
Apparently, the daughter has her OWN "boy problems"...so she's too busy consoling her to date herself.
She might have felt she liked you too much and got scared away by thinking she would get hurt when you stuck with 'casual'.
For that same reason she may have chose ghosting because she was afraid you'd be able to convince her to keep seeing you.
Or she wasn't as in to him as he was her, which to me seems obvious.
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Maybe
My own impression
