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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
This makes no sense.
Why do you say that? She's slept with dozens of women, and I am only the 3rd man. She can't imagine ever marrying a man and has never had romantic feelings for a male.
But that response is an excellent example of why she said no one can ever know who she is, because the lesbian community would not accept it.
Why do you say that? She's slept with dozens of women, and I am only the 3rd man. She can't imagine ever marrying a man and has never had romantic feelings for a male.
But that response is an excellent example of why she said no one can ever know who she is, because the lesbian community would not accept it.
Because she is not a lesbian if she is sleeping with any guys. She is bisexual. Thats why she said the lesbian community would not accept it ( thats up for debate though).
No, she's still very gay. Dating another woman again now (they are in a long term relationship actually). And she's slept with dozens and dozens of women since the 80s.
LTR - that's what she/they want it to be but it could end at any time. Lots of friends with benefits "fill in" with each other when they aren't in an LTR, so never say never.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning
Because she is not a lesbian if she is sleeping with any guys. She is bisexual. Thats why she said the lesbian community would not accept it ( thats up for debate though).
hmm well, so you would suggest that prior to sleeping with her, I was asexual? lol
I would say that if a woman had sex exclusively with women until the early 80s, and then slept with a couple men in the early 80s, and then from 1984-2017, they did not sleep with any men, but slept with many, many, many, many women, living a "[lesbian] sex, drugs and rock n roll" lifestyle (she is definitely what gay men refer to as "a top"), and then slept with a man once in 2017, and they are now in a long term relationship with a woman, they could be said to be a lesbian.
I personally know at least one gay man who married a woman, and had children with her, to "cure" himself of his homosexuality. It didn't work, so they were divorced and he now lives as a gay man. In fact I think he passed away a few years ago. He was my English teacher in middle school.
Then again, I have seen a lot of lesbians who look at it the way you do, as has she, so that's why I wouldn't identify her. Plus in general we should protect people we care about and not expose them.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Mod cut: Quoted post deleted.
I can't really believe it happened, but yes, it very much did happen. She said my personality made her feel safe to try that with me. She's a great person for whom I care very much, and I am very glad it was her to whom I lost my virginity. I hope all the other people I have sex with in the future are as wise and jovial and loving as her, and I hope it is always at least a close friendship, like it is with her.
Anyway it has been over a year since I was regularly posting on the forum, and this is the most significant event in my personal life in all that time, so yes, in the context of my relationship to the forum, it just happened. lol.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
LTR - that's what she/they want it to be but it could end at any time. Lots of friends with benefits "fill in" with each other when they aren't in an LTR, so never say never.
lol yeah she did say I was welcome back as long as we are both single...lol. Whenever someone says never say never, like any true Bond fan, I of course think of Never Say Never Again:
So weird. I can't imagine what her motivation was to schtup a 40-year-old autistic virgin, unless she is writing her memoirs and needs a heartfelt story of selfless philanthropy. That was a stroke of luck, OP!
Not going to lie, this is very....odd and I feel weird about saying this.....but....
Well you seem to be very proud of your accomplishment so....congratulations!
Right???
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
This makes no sense.
It does. In general orientation is considered part of one's identity, which means it's up to one to determine it for themselves (at least, so many of us believe.) She says she's a lesbian so she's a lesbian. But the concept you're inadvertently pointing to is called being a "gold star" lesbian which means one who has never been with a man. Not actually a ton of those out there. Yes it can be somewhat controversial in the LGBT+ community, though.
OP, I would recommend, if what you've said is even close to true, that you fix your issues and quit worrying about how to get more benefits from potential friendships. Learn to drive, maybe? Get your own place? That kind of thing, perhaps?
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
OP, I would recommend, if what you've said is even close to true, that you fix your issues and quit worrying about how to get more benefits from potential friendships. Learn to drive, maybe? Get your own place? That kind of thing, perhaps?
Well I have a lot of issues...there's issues that prevent me from being in a relationship for practical reasons...but there were times in my life when those issues were not present or didn't matter, and there was still no one interested in me. My time in the USN was an example. Solid career with good benefits (theoretically, had I wanted to stay. I didn't join for the money/retirement because I was economically privileged at the time that I joined, with my father making upper six figures in salary; I did it to serve my country)....but no girlfriend.
As far as car and place: a lot of people share living accommodations in Silicon Valley, because a 1 bedroom apartment here is about 2000/month and a home or condo is about 1 million dollars (the total rent on the place I'm sharing is about $1500 and I pay $900 of that). I do want to move back to downtown San Jose, but I need to get a better job first. A vehicle isn't really necessary in the Bay Area; transit is obviously slower than a car, but you can still get pretty much anywhere. Of course, it is indeed a factor that would impede a conventional romantic relationship (where you go on dates etc), at least for right now. Trying to get a better job is obviously far more of a focus in my life right now than trying to find a romantic relationship. But this is the "relationships" forum, not the "career" forum. lol.
Still, even if you address the practical issues, you're still left with someone who is not attractive and not aggressive -- more like Luke Skywalker than Han Solo. Ironically, the same properties that make straight or bi women comfortable to be in my life for platonic reasons unfortunately seem to drive them away if they find that I have developed feelings. I'm sure that's not true of all women, but it's true of the ones for whom I've had feelings. Multiple heartbreaks have proven that the likelihood of my feelings ever being reciprocated is very, very small.
But I've now discovered that sex with a platonic friend can be intimate and loving as well. It just means I'm sleeping with someone who I do not love in a romantic sense. I care about them but I'm not in love with them. What I really want is for both of us to fall in love first, then have sex after falling in love. Although the experience with my lesbian rock star friend proved that I can derive meaning and joy from having sex with someone even if I'm not in love with them. She said it was a wonderful night for her as well. As I said, she "enjoyed it" several times that night, if you know what I mean. We hugged and cuddled a lot as well. So there's a glimmer of hope there. Not with her, since she is in a committed relationship now. But maybe with others. It's hard for me to even form friendships; I've never been very popular. But unlike with romantic relationships, at least friendships have happened.
The way it happened with "celesbian" is how I always wanted it to happen, with the exception that neither of us was in love with the other. But it was organic: we talked to each other on facebook for two years before she brought it up. And we are still each other's friend on there and we still talk regularly.
I don't really like the idea of conventional dating because it seems too artificial. You're meeting someone for romantic purposes when you don't have romantic feelings for them. It seems like you should get to know someone outside of the context of a relationship and then see if you develop feelings.
I don't know....it's hard and a complicated situation. At least I feel a lot better about it now that I have experienced intimacy with another human being for whom I care very much.
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