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I would never have reacted the way he did. 2 months is still early, but long enough to show you care. I would have asked all about what happened and even wondered if you might have some PTSD from it. Shame on him. He may be a narcissist.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 12 days ago)
35,640 posts, read 17,994,810 times
Reputation: 50681
This is one of my favorite subjects - fascinating! Couples responding to each other. Or not.
The Gottman Institute has done studies on couples and "bids for attention".
A "bid for attention" could be something as drastic as your text about the wreck, or as minimal as "wow what an interesting bird". Couples that will last respond to each other's bids, reciprocally.
They can predict which couples will last, and which will be in distress and not succeed.
Couple that will last:
A: I have a headache
B: Oh no. Did you take tylenol
A: no, I don't have any
B: Maybe coffee might help?
Couple that doesn't respond:
A: I have a headache
B: *silence* Then, Did you get my crunchy peanut butter while you were at the store?
(I actually witnessed that interchange)
This is one of my favorite subjects - fascinating! Couples responding to each other. Or not.
The Gottman Institute has done studies on couples and "bids for attention".
A "bid for attention" could be something as drastic as your text about the wreck, or as minimal as "wow what an interesting bird". Couples that will last respond to each other's bids, reciprocally.
They can predict which couples will last, and which will be in distress and not succeed.
Couple that will last:
A: I have a headache
B: Oh no. Did you take tylenol
A: no, I don't have any
B: Maybe coffee might help?
Couple that doesn't respond:
A: I have a headache
B: *silence* Then, Did you get my crunchy peanut butter while you were at the store?
(I actually witnessed that interchange)
Yes, long term you want to be with someone more empathetic. Don’t try to change him. A chaotic lifestyle is no good either.
Try to get together with a couple of good friends to discuss the accident. It’ll help prevent PTSD. The experience sounds terrible! I’m sorry you had to go through it.
Hard to tell because of all the texting. If he was stuck at work, working on a deadline he might've not seen the text on time. You should've called and ask him to call you back or texted asking him to call.
As to your birthday, did you discuss this with your BF? Did he know for sure that that day way your birthday? Again, hard to tell based in your responses so far.
But in general, I think you might be expecting a but too much from someone you have been seeing for just a few months...
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 12 days ago)
35,640 posts, read 17,994,810 times
Reputation: 50681
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl
It's so obvious that it almost seems a bit silly they had to do a study on it.
I'm not sure it's obvious, at all.
Women stay with abusers.
Women stay with cheaters.
Men stay with women their family hates, and so lose their family to be with their woman.
It's really interesting, to me, that this one parameter, responding to bids for attention, can be such a true determiner of the success of the relationship.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,768,175 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by DefiantNJ
Hard to tell because of all the texting. If he was stuck at work, working on a deadline he might've not seen the text on time. You should've called and ask him to call you back or texted asking him to call.
As to your birthday, did you discuss this with your BF? Did he know for sure that that day way your birthday? Again, hard to tell based in your responses so far.
But in general, I think you might be expecting a but too much from someone you have been seeing for just a few months...
I agree with you. I think people are a little hard on the dude.
Sometimes you just get tired of people bishing about their problems. I don’t know you so cannot judge but this could be the case. We all know people that are constantly involved in drama or problems. The whoa is me crowd where there are always multiple problems that are somebody else’s fault. Just reading your post that is what came to my mind.
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