Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We have talked about it but divorce is never a word that ive ever used. That would be the very last resort for me. I dont know if it is too late for us to ever fall in love. But i cant expect him to be someone he has never been but i also cant changw what i really want.
I do feel confident that if we were to divorce, our child would still be so loved and so cared for. But definitely not the ideal family situation.
Ill look into counseling and see if that is an option for us. I just dont know if he wpuld take it seriously.
What about you? Instead of saying "I can't expect him...", instead look in the mirror and ask that question to yourself. TO me it sounds like the answer is pretty clear. You make it sound like love was never there, nor do you provide me any hints that you actually desire love with him. It's almost like you "sold out" (don't mean it in a harsh way) for your child without actually believing you didn't have to.
Hi all. Im seeking some advice for a tough situation. I dont know what to do. I dated my husband for 4 years before we got married and we only got married because i accidentally got pregnant.
When we first started seeing one another, we both just got out of long term relationships. We were clear from the start that we just wantes someone casual. Neither one of us wanted a serious relationship...but days turned into weeks into months...you know how it goes. Things were comfortable and i felt safe with him. But it was never true soul mates love. I feel like i can say that for both of us.
We never said we loved one another until maybe 3 years later. And that was awkward and felt so unnatural. He said it first and i repeated it because i do love him. Hes so great in so many ways. But again not in love.
Then we found out we were pregnant and made the decision to get married becausw of the baby. Thinking back, that was a mistake. We nevee shoukd have gotten married just because of a baby. We coukd have been coparents and partners without the life long committment. But whats done is done.
And now we have been married for 2 years and have a beautiful toddler. Things are good for the most part and i dont have much to complain about. But i feel so lonely somwtimes. We lack intimacy and those little touches that i crave. For him, intimacy means sex. But for me, it means all those little things. You know...the random hugs and kisses. My head on his shoulder. Those things are all missing.
To get a hug from him is a battle. I literally have to force him into it. He never kisses me or touches me if it doesnt lead to sex. I just feel so alone and so sad. But to be fair those thibga were missing in the beginning of our relationship but o guess it never botheree me so much. It really bothers me now.
Im trying to imagine the next 5, 10, 15 years without these little touches and i feel like my heart breaks.
But like i said, aside from that, we are fine. We are good friends, we arw good parents and we have fun. I know a ton of people looking for that and i already have it. But at times it just doesnt feel like enough and i dont know what to do.
I wpuld love so advice and insight. I feel lost.
First off what you describe is a much better foundation of a marriage than many people have. It may not be perfect but likely you won’t find grass on the other side to be any greener if at all.
The physical intamacy problems are much easier to overcome than what people face (abuse cheaters liars dead beat dads addicts etc..).
What about you? Instead of saying "I can't expect him...", instead look in the mirror and ask that question to yourself. TO me it sounds like the answer is pretty clear. You make it sound like love was never there, nor do you provide me any hints that you actually desire love with him. It's almost like you "sold out" (don't mean it in a harsh way) for your child without actually believing you didn't have to.
I know im not the prefect wife for him. Im sure there are dozens of things he wishes were different about me. There is indeed alot of self work i can and should do.
I desperately wish we were in love. And truthfully i dont know if it ever was there. I love so many things about him but to me thats different than being in love. And i feel like without the affectiom, i cant get to that state on my own.
I dont mean to put thr entire burden on my husband's shoulder but it seems like a bad cycke almost. Without affection, i cant be in love with him. And without love, he cant be in love with me.
I truly do believe he loves me. He says it, he shows it in a lot of ways. But theres still a huge part mising.
First off what you describe is a much better foundation of a marriage than many people have. It may not be perfect but likely you won’t find grass on the other side to be any greener if at all.
The physical intamacy problems are much easier to overcome than what people face (abuse cheaters liars dead beat dads addicts etc..).
I completely agree and i tell myself this every single time i feel down. I dont feel bad all the time. But every once in a while, like tonight, it just hits me how alone we are. Or rather hoe alone i am.
I feel so lucky in so many different ways thst i have him in my life. But affection is also a huge part of a marriage. I guess im just havibg a hard time deciding if this is something i can live with for the rest of my life.
I think you should get a divorce and set up a plan for co-parenting. You just aren't compatible and no amount of therapy will change that. You can choose to spend your lives forcing it if you want to, but just know you probably won't be happy. If that's a sacrifice you want to make, that's your choice. But know that families come in all shapes and sizes, and IMO a healthy co-parenting relationship is better than a toxic marriage, which is likely what it will become as resentment builds up from unhappiness over the years to come.
I just don't know what to think about the phenomenon of marrying someone you have never been in love with.
When I was single and dating, I heard similar stories from so many of the men I dated when they talked about their past marriage(s). If I had a nickel for every time I've heard something like that. I was not impressed by these stories. If true, it's so incredibly selfish and a display of weak character on their part. I heard it so often though, that I began to question how true it was. Perhaps there is some denial and/or revisionist history happening, that helps justify their divorce in their minds.
At any rate, I think you would benefit from a lot of self reflection with or without the benefit of a professional. If I were in your shoes, I would try to have a meeting of the minds with your husband. He sounds as unhappy as you are. Perhaps you both could lay your cards on the table, be honest with each other and start over. All the best to you.
I completely agree and i tell myself this every single time i feel down. I dont feel bad all the time. But every once in a while, like tonight, it just hits me how alone we are. Or rather hoe alone i am.
I feel so lucky in so many different ways thst i have him in my life. But affection is also a huge part of a marriage. I guess im just havibg a hard time deciding if this is something i can live with for the rest of my life.
Mmm I think you’re less along then you’re making it to be. All you really need is a hug or a pat on the back or 20 min of cuddle time per week. We’re not talking like the guys has to overcome something like crossing the Grand Canyon here.
I think you just need to set a series of small goals and work with him on it. Just a little old fashion communication should help point hi in the right direction.
No excuse for accidentally getting pregnant in this day and age. Shame on you. And why in the world would you marry someone you didn't love? Shame on you again. You need to tell him how you feel and get a divorce. No good will come of this relationship and you are wasting each other time. You can find security with someone you love.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
