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So my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me a week ago without an explanation except that he's "overwhelmed." He's disappeared ever since, not responding to texts or calls. The thing is the breakup was just so unexpected. We had an argument over him breaking an important commitment that following weekend, but it was a text argument and briefly a phone argument so there was a little yelling but not much. Then all the sudden I get a text saying he's done and he doesn't want this relationship anymore. We go to the same University (but no classes together) so I showed up after his class that day to talk in person because a phone breakup after a year and half obviously wasn't going to fly with me, but then he still refused to talk it through and just said "we aren't good together, I love you, but I'm done with this relationship." The weird this is how sudden it was. Two days before this I had been to a meeting about preparing for Grad school, and when I saw him that day he explained how he wanted to move with me wherever I went and get a job online there. He even went as far as researching jobs in his field online. Additionally, less than a week before that he specifically told me that I was the woman he wanted to marry one day. He even put me as an emergency contact for his part time job. I am just so confused about how this happened so suddenly. He's broken up with me once before and came back 4 days later, promising to me, and my family in fact, that he would never do that again and that I was the girl he loved, but during that 4 days he still contacted me some saying that he missed me. This time he has cut all contact. After trying many times to text and call him, I finally just sent an email (since I know he didn't go through the effort to block me there or anything) saying that I was going stop trying to contact him for a few weeks so hopefully he can get less overwhelmed and work things out because I still love him. I was thinking two weeks before I try to contact him again? This will give us a week of classes and then spring break to think things over. One of the things he said is that he doesn't think I really love him, so I don't want this to seem like I don't, but if he truly wants space for his life to calm down, maybe giving him that and stopping the calls is the best thing? Any thoughts?
I'm sorry that this happened to you and you're right..breaking up via text was a cowardly and disrespectful thing to do to you since it was over a year being together.He probably has been having feelings for someone else and wanted to let this relationship go.I believe that nothing is unexpected.Meaning he probably was thinking about this for awhile.It's become unexpected to you but that doesn't mean that he hadn't been thinking about this for awhile.
Let him go.Someone who breaks up with you over text...why would you want someone like that back in your life?He should have shown more respect for the relationship and talked to you face to face or over the phone to break up.
Let him go.
There isn't enough information to speculate. The OP obviously had a communication problem with her boyfriend. Normally, when someone pulls the plug like that, there were unresolved issues that lingered and piled up until the last one caused him to push the eject button. They could be anything.
So my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me a week ago without an explanation except that he's "overwhelmed." He's disappeared ever since, not responding to texts or calls. The thing is the breakup was just so unexpected. We had an argument over him breaking an important commitment that following weekend, but it was a text argument and briefly a phone argument so there was a little yelling but not much. Then all the sudden I get a text saying he's done and he doesn't want this relationship anymore. We go to the same University (but no classes together) so I showed up after his class that day to talk in person because a phone breakup after a year and half obviously wasn't going to fly with me, but then he still refused to talk it through and just said "we aren't good together, I love you, but I'm done with this relationship." The weird this is how sudden it was. Two days before this I had been to a meeting about preparing for Grad school, and when I saw him that day he explained how he wanted to move with me wherever I went and get a job online there. He even went as far as researching jobs in his field online. Additionally, less than a week before that he specifically told me that I was the woman he wanted to marry one day. He even put me as an emergency contact for his part time job. I am just so confused about how this happened so suddenly. He's broken up with me once before and came back 4 days later, promising to me, and my family in fact, that he would never do that again and that I was the girl he loved, but during that 4 days he still contacted me some saying that he missed me. This time he has cut all contact. After trying many times to text and call him, I finally just sent an email (since I know he didn't go through the effort to block me there or anything) saying that I was going stop trying to contact him for a few weeks so hopefully he can get less overwhelmed and work things out because I still love him. I was thinking two weeks before I try to contact him again? This will give us a week of classes and then spring break to think things over. One of the things he said is that he doesn't think I really love him, so I don't want this to seem like I don't, but if he truly wants space for his life to calm down, maybe giving him that and stopping the calls is the best thing? Any thoughts?
This would be why he took the phone route. He did not want confrontation. It is possible he is stressed out and you aren't helping things. The fact you are blowing up his phone probably is just adding to his stress. What makes you so sure he is not blocking your email? That seems like a pretty big assumption on your part.
Dude says he needs space so give him space. From a guy's point of view who has been stressed out before in a relationship, you are only going to aggravate the situation by blowing his phone up and showing up outside his classes.
You don't give us any details on the important commitment that he blew off. It might help to form an opinion if we knew what that was. Maybe what you considered the important commitment wasn't something that was all that important to him and the fact you made a big deal out of it might have had something to do with what happened. Maybe he thinks you overreacted. Maybe this is not the first time you have overreacted. Something tells me there is a lot more to this story.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but your relationship is over. I've only seen people get back together in romantic comedies, ie fantasy land. This is unfair to you since it's sudden and unresolved. Unfortunately some people are bad at communication and don't know what they want.
Your ex probably sent you a bunch of mixed signals because in his mind he was trying to make it all work and say what he though you wanted him to say. How he's treating you RIGHT NOW, at this very MOMENT is the only fact you should focus on. Anyone who cannot end things with you face to face after a year is not worth your time. I don't even need to know you to tell you that you are an important person and you deserve better than disrespectful treatment.
Breakups never make sense. They always hurt. You are going to hurt tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. But you will gradually change if you decide to accept that it's over and slowly focus on other joyful parts of life (friends, family, your favorite hobby like hiking, earning straight A's).
Lastly, if he tries to come back, just say no. That's just him looking for sex or comfort. Your relationship will never go back to how it was and cannot be fixed. You can't find your "match" if you stay with him. Trust me when I say that everyone who finds their "match" barely looks back at their past and is better off for it.
I don't think he could have been seeing someone else because he was with me almost all the time when he wasn't at school or working. He has a very strong opinion against cheating and he's also very open with his phone and everything so I've never really suspected cheating or the possibility of someone new coming into his life while he's with me. He always said I was the only girl for him and I think he was being genuine, at least at the time, but I don't know what changed in a few days. Also the commitment he broke was a half marathon I'd been training up to for months and he had promised he would come support me for it.
Why would you want to get back into a relationship with such a volatile person? You'll spend all your time waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why would you even consider living like that?
And here's a tip. NO ONE wants to go watch someone else run a 3-hour race.
One of the things he said is that he doesn't think I really love him, so I don't want this to seem like I don't, but if he truly wants space for his life to calm down, maybe giving him that and stopping the calls is the best thing? Any thoughts?
It sounds like he is the one unsure of his love for you but it's easier to cast doubts on your feelings instead. Regardless, give him exactly what he wants. Lots of space. Don't call, don't text, don't try to connect. Get busy with your friends, school, go do something new. If he is meant to be in your life he will return in his own time. If not, you have your whole life ahead to be with the right person.
He told you he was done, so the best thing for you to do is go zero contact. If he changes his mind and contacts you again then you can decide if you want to give him another chance, but since he's already broken up with you twice before, it's pretty clear the guy is a total flake and can't be honest about his feelings. So why would you keep trying to duct tape and chicken wire back together a relationship that is clearly not working.
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