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Out of curiosity, how many of you are the only person that your SO (significant other) or spouse really has &/OR your SO is the only person you really have?
My fiance' & I have become this w/ each other pretty equally. It's a good thing we plan on staying together for the rest of our lives. That's just how things went in our lives. We didn't set out for that to happen or want or not want that to happen.
I have no friends (read my post #130 & more current thoughts w/ post #222 here for details: Is it normal for an Adult to have NO Friends? ) & he really doesn't either. He'll talk to a guy from work occasionally over the phone or maybe see a longtime friend every couple or so yrs.
Re: family, I have my elderly mother I talk to daily & a cousin I've connected w/ 2 yrs ago now in which we talk by phone on a monthly basis.
My fiance' has recently had nothing to do w/ his family anymore...ALL 5 immediate members & he's not close w/ any extended family.
I always find it in intriguing when someone is estranged from their ENTIRE family. You know there's some outrageous stories there!
I answer your OP... no I can't really relate. Even my reclusive ex had friends he played soccer with. I imagine life will be pretty lonely for a surviving spouse who has no friends.
We have moved around so much for work and school it seems like that sometimes.
We have friends but they come and go but the two of us are the closest people we have had. I can’t remember the last time I haven’t gone a day without speaking with her. Maybe 10 years...
I always find it in intriguing when someone is estranged from their ENTIRE family. You know there's some outrageous stories there!
I answer your OP... no I can't really relate. Even my reclusive ex had friends he played soccer with. I imagine life will be pretty lonely for a surviving spouse who has no friends.
I think it's a big red flag. I mean, there are people with truly awful families. But most of the time when someone is estranged with the entire family, it's the person who is the problem. They just gin up outrageous stories or exaggerate to justify matters.
What's more, if you are relying on one person for the entirety of your social interaction, it typically means that you are making that person entirely responsible for your happiness. Get out and make some friends for your health and his.
my wife is kinda/sorta like that, but she likes it.
after her mother and father died, the rest of her family disappeared. no Christmas cards. nothing.
she has a brother but she does not know where he lives or anything. actually, he might be dead.
(he was a drug addict, alcoholic, and whatever else was available)
so....for my wife: no blood relatives except our son.
she handles it well, since her family was (kindly) "dysfunctional".
it is a relief to her that no one attempts contact.
that would bring up bad memories.
bottom line: with just about everything, there is a good side and a bad side to consider.
My wife prefers her life being “mostly” around me, however life doesn’t work that way all the time. She has grown children, family and workmates that keep her socialized outside of our thing together.
Me? I would prefer to be a total hermit if life allowed, but that’s not reality and I haven’t lived a life that would allow or be fair to suddenly start doing so.
I think it's a big red flag. I mean, there are people with truly awful families. But most of the time when someone is estranged with the entire family, it's the person who is the problem. They just gin up outrageous stories or exaggerate to justify matters.
I had an ex estranged from her whole family, she was close to most of them growing up, but when she met her first husband in college that all changed.
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What's more, if you are relying on one person for the entirety of your social interaction, it typically means that you are making that person entirely responsible for your happiness. Get out and make some friends for your health and his.
or it just means their partner is the only one they get along with, or they just don't feel an emotional reward from platonic relationships.
Yes, some of you understand! There's always some who do & some who don't.
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Originally Posted by zentropa
I always find it in intriguing when someone is estranged from their ENTIRE family. You know there's some outrageous stories there!...
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Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
I think it's a big red flag. I mean, there are people with truly awful families. But most of the time when someone is estranged with the entire family, it's the person who is the problem. They just gin up outrageous stories or exaggerate to justify matters...
It's OK in my case guys! I've known him long enough to see it for myself throughout the years how his family members each are. They really are all highly narcissistic, shallow, fake, insincere wastes of space. Whoever they're actually nice to, it's because they have an ulterior motive or the person is the same immoral person like them. My fiance's completely different from them all. They know it & treat him badly and have emotionally "ganged up on him". I've seen them each do plenty of horrendous things to him because they take joy in making him the scapegoat. These 2 youtubers explain how narcissists are perfectly:
He got fed up w/ his loser, cheating, idiotic, pathological lying, abusive father a decade or so ago.
His mother was the last one who we've both realized was truly immature, self-centered, always having a pity party, etc. & got worse & worse.
I personally never liked 1 of his bros from day 1...highly narcissistic, smug a-hole.
His younger bro is an odd duck & his feelings will switch off/on like a light switch.
His younger sis is an ultra queen bee b!#cH type who doesn't like anyone unless maybe if you're just like her: Wild partier, drinker, smoker, b!#cHy, etc. She has this permanent b!#cH face expression on her face.
None of them are coming to our wedding & if we were stupid enough to invite them, they'd only go to ignore us & take advantage of the free food, music, festivities, & probably steal the wedding gifts, etc.
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There's always some who do & some who don't.
I've known him long enough to see it for myself throughout the years how his family members each are. They really are all highly narcissistic, shallow, fake, insincere wastes of space. Whoever they're actually nice to, it's because they have an ulterior motive or the person is the same immoral person like them. My fiance's completely different from them all. They know it & treat him badly and have emotionally "ganged up on him". I've seen them each do plenty of horrendous things to him because they take joy in making him the scapegoat. These 2 youtubers explain how narcissists are perfectly:
