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Just like the definition of what is considered cheating is blurry because it's ever-changing, I think the definition of ghosting is also blurry because it's ever-changing.
As with everything else involved in relationships, it's all "open-season" and we all can do whatever we want according to our free-will, because there are no formal laws to govern this, and when there are no laws, people are going to go free willy and there are no consequences for any slights. I'm not arguing whether this is right or wrong or if that should change, I'm just saying how it IS as of right now.
So in terms of Ghosting, and since we are on a discussion forum, let's talk about when ghosting may be warranted. I know there are people who think ghosting is never warranted, but I guess you live in a world where you never encounter crazy people. We often hear the advice here, "block and delete" and usually it's because someone is acting like a F-ing loon. Usually because they can't take "no", can't take the rejection, want to argue and argue and argue to try to change your mind and yes sometimes get violent and abusive. Why should anyone stick around to put up with this? Especially if you're scared. And if it's someone you just met hours or days ago, why would you bother to hurt their feelings, because many guys will ask you WHY when you say you're not interested. Or, worse, try to stick around and be your annoying orbiter who may or may not be building up resentment. And you never know which ones are going to be loco offended and go off for telling the truth either. You never know who you're dealing with and yes I've experienced some crap before. I can't help it that crazy people are attracted to me. So ghosting is the way. Even if you tell them with your words that it won't work out and they won't be hearing from you anymore, they still think they've been ghosted. I guess you're supposed to sit and have therapy sessions with them.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not unsympathetic to being ghosting. I have been ghosted before and yes I was devastated and felt terribly wronged. But now that I am older and maturer, I can see that sometimes, there is nothing you will be able to say to someone who really REALLY wants to be with you, but you don't want to be with them anymore. You just have to pull the band-aide off and it's gonna hurt no matter what.
I only think Ghosting is wrong if it happens when two people are in a long term relationship, and the other person just disappears. If someone doesn't email you back, or doesn't talk to you after one date, I personally don't think that's a big deal. You don't even know that person, to be that concerned about them. But if you are in a committed relationship, and know so much about each other, and don't want to be with that person anymore, at least send a text saying it's over. At least the person will know nothing happened to you. Now if your safety is in danger and you need to leave, then do what you have to do, that goes without saying.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Recently, I just flat out stopped talking to a woman I wasn’t sure about after 2 or 3 FaceTime dates within a week and don’t consider that ghosting at all. If it were a relationship that was more than a month or 5 dates I do think you owe an official notice to them.
I only think Ghosting is wrong if it happens when two people are in a long term relationship, and the other person just disappears. If someone doesn't email you back, or doesn't talk to you after one date, I personally don't think that's a big deal. You don't even know that person, to be that concerned about them. But if you are in a committed relationship, and know so much about each other, and don't want to be with that person anymore, at least send a text saying it's over. At least the person will know nothing happened to you. Now if your safety is in danger and you need to leave, then do what you have to do, that goes without saying.
I know my post was all over the place, but I think a person in a relationship should tell someone that they are leaving, but I don't think it will make the hurting less.
Also part of the ever-changing definition, imo, is how much time you've been seeing someone to warrant a lengthy explanation. Is it 1 date? Is it 3 dates? 2 weeks? 1 Month? 4 months? I know people who will flip out over any and all of those.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Recently, I just flat out stopped talking to a woman I wasn’t sure about after 2 or 3 FaceTime dates within a week and don’t consider that ghosting at all. If it were a relationship that was more than a month or 5 dates I do think you owe an official notice to them.
I don't think that's ghosting either. And even if it is, I don't think it's wrong. She probably felt she was ghosted! That's what I'm saying...
Human perception and interpretation makes everything blurry.....that is why it's important to get someone who is on the same page as you. A person who wasn't ready for a relationship to end, may feel like it was all a lie. While the person who left, and quickly found someone new, feels like it was the right thing to do but it doesn't mean their love wasn't real. A person who gets left in the dust may feel like they were ghosted, while the person doing the ghosting feels justified. A person who slept with someone and was left may feel like they were used, while the person who left feels they just weren't sexually compatible. It goes on and on. It's all based in convenience from how I see it.
Honestly, whatever a person does it won't make it any better. If no one ghosted, then people would say how could they break up with me over the phone. If people did it in person, they would be mad about that. It's not the method, it's the fact that they are getting an answer they don't like. That's why I hate these stupid terms coming up every single week. It all results in the same thing, a person you liked, doesn't like you. We need to spend more time focusing on how to deal with rejection and moving on, than focusing on how we were rejected.
Honestly, whatever a person does it won't make it any better. If no one ghosted, then people would say how could they break up with me over the phone. If people did it in person, they would be mad about that. It's not the method, it's the fact that they are getting an answer they don't like. That's why I hate these stupid terms coming up every single week. It all results in the same thing, a person you liked, doesn't like you. We need to spend more time focusing on how to deal with rejection and moving on, than focusing on how we were rejected.
Exactly, I agree.
I still think the minimum in a LTR is to at least tell them you're leaving and give them some semblance of a reason why.
I think the ghosting definition is only blurry because to some, the “relationship” definition is blurry! I have to actually meet someone, and more than once, before it even enters into any definition of relationship. Neither has put much effort or courage into texting and messaging, it’s just something to do until actually meeting.
After one date, I think a slow fade is acceptable. If one doesn’t want it to end and can’t accept it, they don’t want to see the signs and get hurt or angry!
I think the ghosting definition is only blurry because to some, the “relationship” definition is blurry! I have to actually meet someone, and more than once, before it even enters into any definition of relationship. Neither has put much effort or courage into texting and messaging, it’s just something to do until actually meeting.
After one date, I think a slow fade is acceptable. If one doesn’t want it to end and can’t accept it, they don’t want to see the signs and get hurt or angry!
This is a really good point.
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