Madly in love with my best friend and I just don't know what to do (younger, children)
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Sorry i didn't post anymore, i had a busy weekend. I want to thank you guys for the answers again.
A little update: Last week we spent SO much time together. More time together than apart. No sex, lots of cuddling. He initiated a lot, kissed me so often (but not on the lips, so I guess he can still pretend it's a friendship). He would constantly tell me how he loves me.
Sunday he mentioned that some Tinder girl messaged him, a girl he met a couple of weeks ago for a beer and that she wants to meet again. I asked him if he's gonna meet her and he said yea, why not. i guess i seemed pretty upset and he asked if I'm jealous, and I said yes, I am. He told me that there is no reason to be jealous because it doesn't mean anything and that I'm always gonna be his 'main girl'. That I'm still by far the funniest girl he's ever met, one of the most beautiful one and that he loves me so much and wants to keep me forever in his life. I asked him: If you like me way more than other girls, why do you even feel the need to meet other girls? Why can't you just be with me'. He said, in a joking voice: 'Why, do you want to be my girlfriend?' I said: 'I didn't say that, but I just don't want you to meet other girls.' He said 'I don't know, I guess I just like variety'
I also asked him if he wouldn't be jealous if I started dating someone now. He said no he wouldn't, because he knows his place in my life. I said 'You do realize that if i had a boyfriend now that would mean we couldn't do all these sleepovers anymore, and I would have less time for you, right?' He said 'Well yes, but I don't think much would change, and if it did then I guess you never were the person I thought you were'
i was close to tears after all this and he was trying to hug and kiss me on the cheek and STIlL didn't seem to understand why I'm upset. I told him that maybe I'm just too attached to him, and that we need to stop having sleepovers. Then I left.
EDIT: Forgot to mention- He asked me if I want to move in with him. I don't get this guy... like what the hell? I said no, of course.
Wow, that part in bold is manipulative as hell.
For him to try to characterize you as way less cool or whatever if you dared to assert some standards of your own here is soooo arrogant.
Hopefully you have all the info you need now to seriously scale back from this guy. He is not in love with you, and he really isn't even being a friend.
He's using you, and you're letting him.
I'm sorry. I know it hurts. Stop making yourself so available to him ASAP. Time to enforce some boundaries for your own emotional health. If he can't deal with being friends, REAL friends, then he's the one who's not the person you thought he was.
" I said 'You do realize that if i had a boyfriend now that would mean we couldn't do all these sleepovers anymore, and I would have less time for you, right?' He said 'Well yes, but I don't think much would change, and if it did then I guess you never were the person I thought you were'"
I'd say that tells you pretty much what he thinks of you which you've actually been encouraging up until now.
You want to change the game and he doesn't. Up to you now whether or not to continue his way.
Yep not only has he restated no intention of being exclusive, he put guilt on you for not following his dating agenda.
Let me explain something. In dating, a woman can fall in love and when she does she will ask to be exclusive. If she's dating a decent MAN he will respect her. This will be a man that treasures her love for him, as if it's the most valuable thing in the world.
In a relationship the woman decides how it's going to be, not the man. The man should provide safety, comfort, opportunity, and assurance that she can open up to him emotionally, and then physically when that happens. She decides if, when, and how a relationship moves forward. At her pace. A real MAN will provide for her to do that.
He sounds like a pig. Why would you want to be with someone like this, or even "friends" for that matter? What would you advise a friend who was in this situation?
He sounds like a pig. Why would you want to be with someone like this, or even "friends" for that matter? What would you advise a friend who was in this situation?
On the internet is difficult to paint a complete picture of a person. I don't think he's a bad person. He was always there for me when I needed him, even if that meant cancelling plans with other people. He has done nice things for me, like helping me move, driving me to the hospital and staying there with me for hours etc. He's sweet and caring, listens to my problems, comforts me and makes me laugh.
But I do realize that all of these things don't matter when I want to be with him and he just wants to be friends, even though what we have isn't just a friendship. I have actually never told him that I want to be his girlfriend, but I think I don't need to. Me telling him that I'm jealous if he meets other girls and that I'd want him to meet only me is enough for him to know, and he doesn't want the same. I'm not going to sleep at his place again, that's for sure.
Yeah....just cut it off. Your view/values are not compatible. He thinks being a close friend with benefits means sex, cuddles, and love talk. You equate that with being in a relationship/exclusive. It's not a match and what he is doing can be seen as manipulative. For your own sake, sanity, and emotional well-being, cut all that sexual/affectionate stuff out before you drive yourself into a depression. You broke the number one rule with this kind of stuff: DO NOT CATCH FEELINGS. But he made it worse and fed into it, knowing damn well it isn't what he wants. He's just doing what he needs to do to keep you on the hook and maintain you. It's not worth it at the end of the day. Love is not selfish, it's not suppose to hurt, and it damn sure does not manipulate.
How did I cheat on him? He's not my boyfriend. He has gone on dates as well. He has tried to sleep with other girls (unsuccessfully, because he's the type of guy who's into one night stands so he usually tries on the first date which doesn't work most of the time). What happens if I stop seeing other guys and one day he'll tell me he met some other girl and slept with her? Or even starts seeing her? I can't give him **** about it because he is NOT my boyfriend. I'm okay with seeing someone for months without defining the relationship, but we've been doing this for almost a year. Plus, we don't even have sex all the time. We hook up maybe once in two weeks, because we're 'friends', not boyfriend/girlfriend.
You guys both sound immature lol... typical girl likes the challenge and as soon as the guy becomes too available she then gets bored.
Don’t lie to yourself you are dating and sleeping with other men to try to make him more jealous.
Also if you really trusted him you would communicate all this and lay it all on the line, not play this childish mind games with one another.
Sounds like he's playing games and taking advantage of you. He probably knows it inside but he can't have his cake and eat it too, and something's going to have to give way soon. It's your choice to take initiative and get out of this weird void.
I don't think he is playing games. He TOLD her where he stood. I would argue SHE is playing games thinking he wants more than he said he wanted. He was honest and upfront. She is the one who changed the rules. She says no sex and then she has sex.
I think this type of relationship is much more typical nowadays than many people realize. But I tend to see women still saying they want more of a relationship. All that FWB situations have done is make it easier for men to get laid without any commitment. The women often still want a commitment but will not admit to it.
OP, you and this guy don't want the same things. It is ok to admit that. I dated for many years before I met my husband. There are two types of guys: those that want a girlfriend/wife and those that don't. Be honest with yourself about what you really want and make all your decisions based on that. And I also recommend not sleeping with a guy you meet so quickly. Most guys who are worth it will wait for you. If they don't, it's an indication they are not worth it.
My favorite story is my best college friend went out on a date with this guy. He said he wasn't really interested in any relationship or anything and she said well, I am so I guess we won't be going out again. They have now been married about 30 years.
And I also recommend not sleeping with a guy you meet so quickly. Most guys who are worth it will wait for you. If they don't, it's an indication they are not worth it.
My favorite story is my best college friend went out on a date with this guy. He said he wasn't really interested in any relationship or anything and she said well, I am so I guess we won't be going out again. They have now been married about 30 years.
I don't really get your point here?! I knew him for MONTHS before sleeping with him for the first time. He even told me back then that he was wondering if it will ever happen, because he just couldn't get me.
Anyways, I told him days ago that I can't be sleeping at his place anymore etc. I need to pull the breaks on this 'friendship'. And it's eating me up inside
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