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Start planning to make the separation official. There is a lot to do, and it's a million times more difficult to do when you're in the same house.
Thanks for the link.
I do plan to get out. I have to plan it well, though. Right now, I am financially incapable. Husband hasnt had a job for over a year, and my income pays all our bills. He earns a little from a side job, which pays for our food.
That’s another thing that made me hate him ang lose my respect for him. And makes me want to kick myself every time too. When we met, I had my own apartment. He practically lived with me. We moved in together to a new apartment when I got pregnant. Things were going well then.
When we had baby number 2, he panicked and said we can’t take care of the kids. He convinced me to move back in to his family’s home, where family could help look after the kids and we could just split the food and utility bills. I reluctantly agreed after seeing him getting depressed with worry.
That’s when all our troubles started or maybe worsened. His mom and his family had such a different culture from what I was accustomed to, so we often clashed with how to do stuff. I really couldn’t bring myself to agree to their ways. I know since its their house, we should be the ones adjusting, but I really find it hard to accept the way they do stuff. Plus, they make me feel like I don’t know anything. I cringe saying this but I actually have better education than them, so I don’t know why they make me feel like I was raised in the boondocks.
Maybe that’s why they try to mock me and make me feel less than they are. Oh God, how did I ever get myself into this mess. I was doing okay when I was alone. Lonely sometimes, always dating but never finding the one, but at least I wasnt raging and stressed. I probably have lots of money now too.
How long have you been married to him, bitterwife? If it's almost at 10 years, get a legal separation filed ASAP. At 10 years, he can claim half of YOUR Social Security, even if you later divorce.
Get him working too, so you won't have to pay HIM spousal maintenance for earning less. How old are the kids?
Little by little, more information not included in the original post is being revealed. There appears to be a lot more going on here than it would seem at first glance.
Husband was married before? And Bitterwife was dating him while he was still married? the family moved into the parental home? Did I get that correct?
That changes the aspect of the problem somewhat, though not the feelings.
Little by little, more information not included in the original post is being revealed. There appears to be a lot more going on here than it would seem at first glance.
Husband was married before? And Bitterwife was dating him while he was still married? the family moved into the parental home? Did I get that correct?
That changes the aspect of the problem somewhat, though not the feelings.
Yep.
It’s a mess that took a long time to make and will take a
Long time to clean up.
How long have you been married to him, bitterwife? If it's almost at 10 years, get a legal separation filed ASAP. At 10 years, he can claim half of YOUR Social Security, even if you later divorce.
Get him working too, so you won't have to pay HIM spousal maintenance for earning less. How old are the kids?
Yes, he can claim social security benefits based on his ex-wife's benefits, but it won't reduce the amount of the benefits she receives. He will NOT get half of her received benefit amount. Also, the legal separation doesn't count for squat as far as social security is concerned, only the final divorce date.
I do plan to get out. I have to plan it well, though. Right now, I am financially incapable. Husband hasnt had a job for over a year, and my income pays all our bills. He earns a little from a side job, which pays for our food.
That’s another thing that made me hate him ang lose my respect for him. And makes me want to kick myself every time too. When we met, I had my own apartment. He practically lived with me. We moved in together to a new apartment when I got pregnant. Things were going well then.
When we had baby number 2, he panicked and said we can’t take care of the kids. He convinced me to move back in to his family’s home, where family could help look after the kids and we could just split the food and utility bills. I reluctantly agreed after seeing him getting depressed with worry.
That’s when all our troubles started or maybe worsened. His mom and his family had such a different culture from what I was accustomed to, so we often clashed with how to do stuff. I really couldn’t bring myself to agree to their ways. I know since its their house, we should be the ones adjusting, but I really find it hard to accept the way they do stuff. Plus, they make me feel like I don’t know anything. I cringe saying this but I actually have better education than them, so I don’t know why they make me feel like I was raised in the boondocks.
Maybe that’s why they try to mock me and make me feel less than they are. Oh God, how did I ever get myself into this mess. I was doing okay when I was alone. Lonely sometimes, always dating but never finding the one, but at least I wasnt raging and stressed. I probably have lots of money now too.
Glad you plan to get out, but hopefully SOON & not let another 2-5 pass w/o a thing changing. But, if YOU'RE the one working & he's not, how can you not be out on your own when he only helps w/ food as you say? Leave him high & dry to figure it out. Heck, who cares if he has to move in w/ family or friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonchalance
Little by little, more information not included in the original post is being revealed. There appears to be a lot more going on here than it would seem at first glance.
Husband was married before? And Bitterwife was dating him while he was still married? the family moved into the parental home? Did I get that correct?
That changes the aspect of the problem somewhat, though not the feelings.
Hey well, only the OP knows her situation. None of us have to live her life.
I feel for you. I was once married to someone that had a way of making me feel very alone. I did everything I could for her and her family and still felt alone . Her boyfriend was getting her attention , and the more I felt rejected the worse she treated me.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,581,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ct2
I feel for you. I was once married to someone that had a way of making me feel very alone. I did everything I could for her and her family and still felt alone . Her boyfriend was getting her attention , and the more I felt rejected the worse she treated me.
I know how this feels. I felt very alone in my marriage too....after moving all the way from Torrance, CA to Frisco, TX for him. He was part of the Toyota relocation. I finally had enough....& we divorced after just a few short yrs. You have to decide for you it's time to move on. O.P...I wouldn't stay married to a man who was not ...or was never...in love with me.
I know how you feel. It is devastating to realize your husband doesn’t love you.My wake up call came when after 30+ years he forgot my birthday.This in itself is not a big problem.It was the reason he forgot that was hard to take. He forgot because he was spending all his time arranging a birthday party for a woman he had feelings for he worked with at his office. So I know what you think. I wish I had some advice for you that could take away your pain.Good luck on keeping your husband if that is what you want.
Last edited by Onmyown47; 06-18-2019 at 10:30 PM..
Reason: Left out word
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I felt very alone in my marriage too....after moving all the way from Torrance, CA to Frisco, TX for him. He was part of the Toyota relocation. I finally had enough....& we divorced after just a few short yrs. You have to decide for you it's time to move on. O.P...I wouldn't stay married to a man who was not ...or was never...in love with me.
