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Old 07-22-2019, 07:28 AM
 
Location: New to Bay Area
1,076 posts, read 249,027 times
Reputation: 1012

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I was wondering, are on-again, off-again relationships a really sign of that it should be off altogether? Are they typically toxic relationships?
It's a big red flag IMO.......you broke up for a reason & usually the only thing that has changed is someone's mind to get back together....on & off.
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Old 07-22-2019, 07:34 AM
 
Location: around
713 posts, read 242,728 times
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But what if you love each other.
No matter how people talk in forums, real love is rare and very hard to find, many never will.
But they clash a bit too, and can be on off ?

See, that paragraph she uses at the top , that's not real love, that's obviously just on off stuff unsuited stuff.
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Old 07-22-2019, 07:42 AM
 
Location: New to Bay Area
1,076 posts, read 249,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawk101 View Post
But what if you love each other.
No matter how people talk in forums, real love is rare and very hard to find, many never will.
But they clash a bit too, and can be on off ?

See, that paragraph she uses at the top , that's not real love, that's obviously just on off stuff unsuited stuff.
If you love each other & you were compatible tho......you wouldn't keep breaking up! You would know how to work through stuff together.........and wouldn't hurt each other.
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Old 07-22-2019, 07:54 AM
 
Location: around
713 posts, read 242,728 times
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Yeah , maybe , but it can be a very complicated thing, or one or both could just be a hothead, or there could be other big obstacles in the relationships way, that stress you both out.
like she does say later on that this and that can cause stuff but some get back and work through it and actually grow from that and become even stronger. So some off on could actually end up a very lasting thing.
But yeah , probably if more an incompatibility thing, not good.
Strange she actually hardly mentioned love anywhere that l saw.
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:01 AM
 
Location: New to Bay Area
1,076 posts, read 249,027 times
Reputation: 1012
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawk101 View Post
Yeah , maybe , but it can be a very complicated thing, one or both could just be a hothead. like she does talk later on that this and that can cause stuff but some get back and work through it and actually grow from that and become even stronger.


Strange she actually hardly mentioned love anywhere that l saw.
Working through 1 breakup is fine....it's the on & off that is the red flag. If one or both of them is a *hothead*...that's toxic...& it's going to continue to blow up...on & off. Anger is totally normal.....but you should be able to talk & work through stuff if you are handling your anger maturely...& hotheads can't do that. It's a toxic personality type.....
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:23 AM
 
Location: around
713 posts, read 242,728 times
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Some for sure , maybe most. l've spent my whole life working on mine and l'm pretty good these days.
My ex on the other hand,ahh. Then again , she was italian haha, her bark was usually worse than her bite though, although she could bite too, hell yeah.
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,972 posts, read 7,357,877 times
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It is situational.

I know a couple...well, they are both dead now...but they were together and then divorced, I believe he was an alcoholic and she became very religious. He remarried, she didn't. Then decades later, he divorced wife #2 and eventually got married again to wife #1. They lived happily ever after. But they were both pretty old when they got back together, and he'd quit drinking entirely years before. The original reason they broke up was no longer really a thing.

They remained lovingly re-married together until death did them part alright.

My son has been on-and-off...mostly on, but off a couple times...with his girlfriend since they were both about 12 years old. They are now 20, and engaged. The "off" times were one summer, and then another period of a few months, during which they both "dated" other people (during high school.) But decided they did not want to be apart. I don't know what the future prospects of their relationship are. She is pursuing her Master's and working two jobs. He lives at home with me and despite much pushing on my part and on his father's part, his brother and GF too, he is very lacking in motivation and seems to want to just sit around. But he is starting college in the fall. I sent him off to Job Corps at one point, but that didn't really help. It's just been a struggle with him. I have to be completely honest here, I think that his girlfriend could do better. But she's an adult, and can make her own choices. I'm glad he's got her...I just hope he doesn't lose her (for good) through his own actions or lack thereof.

But in the absence of abusive or toxic behaviors, I think that adults who are capable of managing boundaries and expectations could make an on-again/off-again thing work. Vast difference between "I am a busy career oriented person, and I met this other busy career oriented person, and they are only here part of the year, so we enjoy a semi-casual part time affair since neither of us want to put the time into anything more serious with anyone, and neither of us asks about whether the other one is seeing someone else because neither of us cares and it works for us." ~and~ "My partner and I had an explosive fight where she threw the dishes against the wall and I gave her a black eye, and we broke up, but then realized we love each other and got back together."

There are as many different situations and stories as there are various kinds of people to live and tell them, so I'm not going to sit here and say that something is always good or bad.
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:48 AM
 
6,724 posts, read 2,416,395 times
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Sometimes 2 people break up for very pragmatic reasons. Like...one person is going to graduate school on the east coast, and the other is going to graduate school on the west. They decide to break up, knowing that trying to maintain a long distance relationship is likely not going to work. So they break up, wish each other well, and live their lives.


They may or may not stay in touch, but at some point all the lights are green, and they meet up again, and to pick up the relationship where they left off.
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:57 AM
 
2,063 posts, read 563,648 times
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You know what's worst. Forgot to mention this in the OP. If you get dumped for the ex that came back into their life. Seen it happen with other people
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Old 07-22-2019, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Southern California
5,531 posts, read 8,182,383 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyLackland View Post
Well,....if they will not allow the Ten Commandments displayed in public schools, how 'bout we put these up?
Ha, thanks!
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