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I mean if you aren't exclusive and haven't had that talk then you really cannot be mad at her for talking to other men and keeping her options over. However, having had both a yeast infection and an std (from someone who was not cheating and was unaware he had it), yeast infections only take a few days to recover from. If you find that this early on you aren't able to trust her, I wouldn't suggest moving forward with this relationship. Its better to cut ties prior to actual feelings developing.
She asked me on our second date if I was dating or seeing anyone else other than herself. I told her no which was the truth. She then told me she is also only dating me and nobody else. She even added that she only dates one guy at a time. She even told me that she recently got checked for STD's after we had sex for the first time and that everything was negative but that the Doctor told her she has a Yeast Infection and gave her a cream and pills to take for it. She was supposedly taking them three times a day but then on the next week only twice a day but when she was with me (all day Sunday, Sunday Night, and all day Monday) each weekend I never saw her taking any pills.
Technically she was "Dating" me and she referred to him as being just a friend. Technically she wasn't "Dating" him because he was her FWB. So I guess when she told me she wasn't dating anyone else other than myself that was in her mind the truth. When she told him she was only in a FWB with him in her mind she was being honest because she did not view them as dating so then he wanted to be dating her but she wanted to keep it casual hookup but not date him.
Fast forward three weeks later she talks about this dude who is an ex of hers whom she regularly keeps in contact with. She told me he gives her financial advice and investment advice because that is what he does for a living. He does not charge her for his services. After telling me that she immediately says that he is just a friend and they are not having sex. I joked with her saying "Sure, your a woman of high integrity who would never cheat on a guy your dating". She laughed when I said woman of integrity. Then she replied saying "I am a monogamous woman and I only date one man at a time".
Notice she said she only dates one man at a time but did not say she does not have sex with more than one man at a time.
I just found out through friends and the grapevine that she has been in a "Friends with Benefits" with that same ex who gives her investment advice whom she talks a lot about him. She has been in that FWB relationship with him for the past 1.5 years which overlaps the 5 weeks we dated before we broke up.
That night on Sunday 14th when she got a text from someone while on a dinner date with me she began profusely crying non-stop the whole date. When I asked her what was wrong she got choppy and said it was work related but that she is not in any trouble nor getting fired. So I asked her why is she crying she replied that she hates her job.
As it turns out that ex of hers that she has had a FWB relationship for the past 1.5 years found out about me. He knew she was lying to him and apparently lying to me as well as I did not know about him. I later found out recently that he wanted his 1.5 year long FWB relationship with her to become something more serious. He wanted to date her and not just hookup with her. What I heard was that she told him she wants to keep it casual and does not want a dating relationship with him. He apparently asked her if she was talking to or seeing anyone else and she got upset and told him there is nobody else which was a lie because she was dating me during this time.
So he broke up with her via text while I was on a dinner date with her on Sunday 14th of this month. That is the real reason for her crying profusely the entire time on our date that night and texting back and forth to someone but saying it was work related and she hates her job.
When she got that breakup text and was crying and texting a lot while crying and was very upset that night also a guy called her phone at 10pm when she was with me back at my place after the date. She just told him that she cannot talk to him right now and will call him back later but did not mention she was with me. She got off the call quickly before I could say anything.
She was however dating me this whole time calling me daily. Meeting up with me and spending the day with me or going out to dinner or for drinks and staying the night at my place one night a week.
So as it turns out she was lying to both myself whom she was dating and to her FWB ex whom she was having sex with for the past 1.5 years but wanted to keep it casual as FWB but not date him seriously. I remember her telling me she wants something long term with me which is another reason I believed her lies initially.
She actually sent me a text after that night her ex broke up with her that her and I did not take the time needed to build trust between us. She was basically trying to say I have trust issues. The thing is that I never had any feelings like that at all until the last week we spent together because her stories and excuses kept changing form weekend to weekend.
When she sent me that breakup text which was the morning after that horrible night (she slept with her clothes on for the first time that night and wanted to cuddle with me but I pushed her away). I told her I am not interested in seeing her anymore either. Then she sent me a bunch of canned line manipulative texts in quick succession (nobody can type that fast because they all came in instantly at the same time.
She texted me late morning after sending me that breakup text saying (less than 24 hours since I last saw her):
"I ran into one of my exes this morning. He took me to get something to eat. It brought back a lot of good memories. We had great fun conversation. He unfolded my chair and helped me sit in the seat. He also opened doors for me. After we finished eating then our conversation ended. I don't know why but we went out separate ways. I am not sure if I will ever see him again because he has moved on with his life. He was a real gentleman. That is what I liked most about him."
In any case, I replied to her saying please do not contact me anymore. She replied saying "ok, that's fine". Within 24 hours she lost both myself and her FWB ex. because she was lying to us both and neither one of us knew about the other until the very end.[/quote]
You sound unreasonably paranoid. Someone doesn’t answer you for half a day so they’re having sex with somebody else?
I would be more concerned about the flakey behavior. Nothing wrong with ending it after a month. You live an hour away it isn’t even worth the hassle.
You sound unreasonably paranoid. Someone doesn’t answer you for half a day so they’re having sex with somebody else?
I would be more concerned about the flakey behavior. Nothing wrong with ending it after a month. You live an hour away it isn’t even worth the hassle.
Actually it was 24 hours later when she returned my text just saying her phone was dead. Turns out that she had a boyfriend the whole time she was dating me. He was saying on social media that he broke up with her after a 1.5 year long relationship on the night of Sunday 14th because she was seeing somebody else (me). Basically, she was cheating on him with me.
I did not know about him and he did not know about me. I know his name and I know the name of his business. She talked about him all of the time saying that he was an ex and they were just friends. When he made that post on social media it was the exact same guys name and his business is the exact same business name and his business name is unique because it has his name in it. That is the ex she talked about a lot so that was how I knew his name and business name. So I knew it was the same guy that broke up with her on Sunday 14th. It was the night of Sunday 14th when she was with me that she got a break up text from someone that she started crying hysterically and texting back and forth with him. She was profusely crying the whole time while texting back and forth in front of me the night of Sunday 14th.
When I asked her what was wrong she said it was work related (at 9pm). I asked her did she get fired? She said NO I am not getting fired. So I asked her why is she so upset and she just looked at me like I was stupid and said "Its just that I hate my job" and then shook her head back and forth so after that I left it alone and did not ask her about it anymore. About 30 minutes later she gets a call from a guy after all those crying texts and she answered when we were back in my place telling him she can't talk to him right now but will call him back tomorrow and that was about 10pm. That night she slept with her clothes on in my bed for the first time. In the past she always slept naked with me. I knew something was up and it looked like she was feeling guilty about something.
The sad thing is that I told her since we live an hour drive apart and only see each other one night a week I did not mind if she was seeing or having sex with other guys or her exes. The problem is that she lied to me saying she wasn't and did not want me to either. If she had only not lied and said yes that this was open relationship where she sees other guys and I see other women until we decide to become exclusive someday then that would have been fine with me. I did not date nor have sex with anyone except her that whole 5 weeks because I thought that was what she was doing as well based on her comments.
Anyways, we broke up already so this is no longer a problem.
Thank you for your comment! I could not have said this any better!
I kid you not. During the 5 weeks we were dating she told me her number one rule was no lying. Her number two rule was no cheating. That was when she set me up that neither one of us could date nor have sex with anyone else other than each other on the second date! One reason behind this was that she told me she is allergic to birth control and condoms. So she never uses birth control or condoms. She mentioned to me once that she would regularly see friends of hers that like herself don't use condoms or birth control at the abortion clinic standing in line. I doubt the line is outside. I should have been smart enough from hearing her tell me that one sentence of a comment that she probably gets pregnant possibly each month and just goes to the abortion clinic just like all of her friends do on a regular basis.
She told me she dated several millionaires. She told me they would buy her a $5,000+ dress for a dinner night when she was living in New York before moving to California about a year ago. She told me she had dated pilots who flew her in their private jets and private helicopters. She told me she had a collection of expensive engagement rings and laughed about it. She even told me about ten years ago she competed in the "Miss America" pageant when she was in her twenties and when she was living in New York at the time. She was a beautiful 5'2" size 4 petite. She is 36 now and also told me she only dates older men usually 15+ years older than herself. I am 49 and she was 36.
I can see why guys fall in love with her so quickly is because she is one of the most loving and affectionate woman I have ever dated. She was all over me in public holding hands, initiating kissing at the dinner table in public, always leaning her body into mine in public and resting her head on my shoulder or chest at the dinner table and smiling or puckering up to kiss me. As far as I could tell she treated me very good like a king and always paid for half of the meals on all of our dates. She always pulled out her card without me saying anything. When we went out for a walk it was really sunny and hot. I shave me head bald. I was starting to get a sunburn and she offered to buy me a hat and sunblock so that I would not get a sunburn. I can see why guys fall for her so fast because she treats them like they are the only person in her life. She treats them very good even if she is having no strings attached sex with other guys but not dating them. She treats the guys she is "dating" very good I guess what I am trying to say.
I never accused her of anything until that fateful Sunday night when her boyfriend broke up with her over text. That was when I simply asked if she was seeing anyone else other than myself. All she had to say was yes because we are not exclusive yet since we have only been dating for just over 4 weeks, almost 5 weeks. I was only seeing her one night a week anyways. What bothered me was her lying about her boyfriend saying he was just a friend and was not having sex with him. She had sex with me once and then even though she slept naked in bed with me each weekend cuddling she always made excuses why we could not have sex. For example, I would be cuddling and kissing her which lead to heavy petting. She would get aroused and start making noises. Then when I go to get on top of her she pushes me off making excuse why we can't. Now I know it was because she was having regular sex with her boyfriend of 1.5 years and not having sex with me at all.
That made me feel rejected and hurt my feelings that she would not have sex with me but only with him. Not to mentions I saw the text from her so called ex saying he was coming over to her house on Monday a couple of weeks ago. She volunteers knowing I saw that text come in on her apple watch that he is just a friend and they are not having sex. Then the following weekend when I asked if he got her computer fixed she tells me he lives over 2,000 miles away and has not seen him in months so I have nothing to worry about. I wasn't worried. She had told me back then he was confirming with her to come to her house to fix her computer. But now she is saying she has not seen him in months. So the lies finally got too much.
After we broke up she sent me a text telling me I have trust issues (only with her) even though I never accused her of anything other than asking her if she was seeing or having sex with her ex or anybody else on the last night we spent together because of all of the things that happened that Sunday night after 5 weeks of dating. I did not ask her about other guys until the 5th week when all the images of guys asking when they can see her again and I counted 5 of them. She was also still on Tinder saying she was getting messages from guys who want to have sex with her and I caught her replying to Tinder messages and smiling and flirting even after 4 weeks of dating but telling me at the same time she isn't responding when I told her to put her phone away and stop replying to Tinder on our dates because its rude and disrespectful. At least I stood up for myself.
Now my challenge is to forget the good times I had with her and not focus anymore on the negativity either. I don't want this affecting my life anymore and just move on. I now have 1st dates setup with two different women this weekend.
You were with this woman for only a month or so and you're far, far too invested in continuing to tell the tale(s) of your time with her, however limited it was. For goodness' sake, you say that she "always" did this or that when "always" was a matter of a little more than a few hook-ups and sleepovers--not years of constant interactions and emotional investment before she suddenly changed her behaviors. Furthermore, especially at your age you should know better than to believe a woman who says that she's "allergic" to birth control. Beside, *you're* the one who should be using a darn condom and not leaving the birth control up to this wreck of a human being. (Not to mention that I'm beginning to doubt this tale with the ever-thickening plot line...)
Move on not just in action, but in your mind as she's occupying far more real estate than short-lived non-relationship ever should be.
As one of the regular posters on City Date Relationships once noted, the longer the post, the more impossible the issue.
It's past time to break up with this woman in your mind and do better in the future when selecting a person to date.
I never needed to call or text her because she kept constantly calling me daily and then abruptly hang up on me mid sentence telling me the afternoon of the next day her phone died. That happened almost every other day for a whole month. The main reason I got so invested is because we talked daily for 2 - 3 hours each time for a whole month besides spending all day, all night, and all the next day together every weekend. If I had only talked to her once a week and only one date a week I would not have been this invested. Talking with her for hours on a daily basis was a huge mistake I won't be making again.
That being said, I agree with you that I should know better and I should not let myself get that invested in such a short time but it felt inevitable when you share so much of each others lives by talking on the phone for hours every single day for 5 weeks.
You let it become the way that it was and were flattered by being with a woman who you perceived as a prize catch. It's good that you recognize your role in that and don't put all of the blame onto her.
Besides, how much did she really share about her life that likely wasn't a total lie or at best, an exaggeration?
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