Connecting with an old high school crush from 10+ years ago old (dating, boyfriend)
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I recently bumped into an old high school friend and had many memories of high school flowing back to me. When reflecting on my memories this women I use to like came up to my mind and I kind of want to get in touch with her. I am a male and currently I am having a bad time finding a women that I like, but I
remembered that her personality was very different from the other women I have been with. I am very confident that she also liked me during high school but the reason I did not ask her out is because I was already going out with someone else and I eventually moved to a different school and city. I was thinking
of maybe trying to connect with her and see if she is still good and maybe try to build a relationship. I did not think much about it and was about to message her but then I was informed that she may be living in a different state when earlier I thought we were in the same state, which made me hesitant to reach out to her. I just came out of a long distance relationship which did not work out for me at all and I did not want to get into another long distance relationship. There is a chance though that she might be in the same state and even in the same area, but the only way to really know is by initiating something.
Also this my first time trying to reach out to a friend that I have never talked to in over 10 years (and to add to that an old crush). Some of my old high school friends tried to reach out to me and I tried my best to ignore them (except for the one that I recently bumped into) since I never really liked them, I am worried she might do the same and I also remembered that she was incredibly shy so I am also worried about holding a conversation up with her. I tried to keep in contact with her during our high school years after I moved, but she never initiated anything which I felt is kind of odd since many women that liked me usually tried to get my attention (some even went out of their way to get my phone number), I figured it was her shyness that was preventing her from talking to me but I remembered that it came to the point where I felt she was not interested anymore since it was difficult to hold up any conversation and I just stopped trying to talk with her.
I am kind of confused as to what to do, a little bit of me wants to reach out and try to connect and ultimately get into a relationship if things work out, but if she is out of state then its pretty much over as I am horrible in long distance relationship and also with texting as I am the type of person who would like to meet face to face. Another part of me feels that its been 10+ years since we last talked and that she probably does not care, remember me, and has moved on. What is also weird is that I did not remember her at all until I bumped into an old high school friend and all of a sudden I want to connect with her, sounds like I am feeling desperate or maybe just curious. Also since it been 10 years I feel that her expectations of what she wants from a man has changed and she would probably remember me and thing that I am not her type without even talking.
I am also not sure how to start the conversation and how to prolong it. I was thinking of mentioning that I remembered her and bring up an embarrassing incident that she did that I thought was funny then asking how things have been going. I am not sure if I should bring up the incident since I am pretty sure behind the scenes that she did that embarrassing thing because she told her friends she liked me and was acting really weird around me that day. Is it safe to bring up an embarrassing moment like this? If she replies but does not give a meaningful response, should I push harder for a little while or just give up? If the conversation kicks off and we are close to each other, how soon can I ask to meet up in person? If I dont get a reply should I try again? I remember when she did not reply to me in high school I would try couple of more times and eventually she gets back to me, but not sure if that is a good idea now. Are there other ways to start the conversation and to ensure it is prolonged?
So far it has been a week and she is still in my mind.
Anyone who has been in similar situation have any advice?
Whoa!!! Put the brakes on. You’ve already created a relationship out of nothing.
What was your interaction with her when you bumped into her?
And no, don’t bring up something embarrassing from the past. That is not the way to impress anyone. What on earth would make you think that’s a good idea?
Whoa!!! Put the brakes on. You’ve already created a relationship out of nothing.
What was your interaction with her when you bumped into her?
And no, don’t bring up something embarrassing from the past. That is not the way to impress anyone. What on earth would make you think that’s a good idea?
It is a common problem I see in guy after guy that comes to this section of the forum. They seem to overestimate the interest level of the other party in the equation (since I had such high interest in her, by default she must have felt the same way towards me).
It's too late, but the OP only sets himself for failure when he lets his imagination get out of control. He's already developing a fantasy of romantic partnership with a former classmate he hasn't seen in 10 years, and someone he "feels confident" likes him in that way (OP hasn't really given any examples of how he came to this conclusion). How does he even know if she has a boyfriend?
Anyways, the obvious thing to do here is to contact her. Since the OP hasn't elaborated, I assume it's text based or maybe social media. Clearly, the OP needs closure in some manner here or else he will forever be haunted by "what ifs."
It seems like hardly anyone on this section of the forum ever reads the helpful links I give them (their loss), but the idea is to keep it simple at first so the following guide is one start:
I recently bumped into an old high school friend and had many memories of high school flowing back to me. When reflecting on my memories this women I use to like came up to my mind and I kind of want to get in touch with her. I am a male and currently I am having a bad time finding a women that I like, but I
remembered that her personality was very different from the other women I have been with. I am very confident that she also liked me during high school but the reason I did not ask her out is because I was already going out with someone else and I eventually moved to a different school and city. I was thinking
of maybe trying to connect with her and see if she is still good and maybe try to build a relationship. I did not think much about it and was about to message her but then I was informed that she may be living in a different state when earlier I thought we were in the same state, which made me hesitant to reach out to her. I just came out of a long distance relationship which did not work out for me at all and I did not want to get into another long distance relationship. There is a chance though that she might be in the same state and even in the same area, but the only way to really know is by initiating something.
Also this my first time trying to reach out to a friend that I have never talked to in over 10 years (and to add to that an old crush). Some of my old high school friends tried to reach out to me and I tried my best to ignore them (except for the one that I recently bumped into) since I never really liked them, I am worried she might do the same and I also remembered that she was incredibly shy so I am also worried about holding a conversation up with her. I tried to keep in contact with her during our high school years after I moved, but she never initiated anything which I felt is kind of odd since many women that liked me usually tried to get my attention (some even went out of their way to get my phone number), I figured it was her shyness that was preventing her from talking to me but I remembered that it came to the point where I felt she was not interested anymore since it was difficult to hold up any conversation and I just stopped trying to talk with her.
I am kind of confused as to what to do, a little bit of me wants to reach out and try to connect and ultimately get into a relationship if things work out, but if she is out of state then its pretty much over as I am horrible in long distance relationship and also with texting as I am the type of person who would like to meet face to face. Another part of me feels that its been 10+ years since we last talked and that she probably does not care, remember me, and has moved on. What is also weird is that I did not remember her at all until I bumped into an old high school friend and all of a sudden I want to connect with her, sounds like I am feeling desperate or maybe just curious. Also since it been 10 years I feel that her expectations of what she wants from a man has changed and she would probably remember me and thing that I am not her type without even talking.
I am also not sure how to start the conversation and how to prolong it. I was thinking of mentioning that I remembered her and bring up an embarrassing incident that she did that I thought was funny then asking how things have been going. I am not sure if I should bring up the incident since I am pretty sure behind the scenes that she did that embarrassing thing because she told her friends she liked me and was acting really weird around me that day. Is it safe to bring up an embarrassing moment like this? If she replies but does not give a meaningful response, should I push harder for a little while or just give up? If the conversation kicks off and we are close to each other, how soon can I ask to meet up in person? If I dont get a reply should I try again? I remember when she did not reply to me in high school I would try couple of more times and eventually she gets back to me, but not sure if that is a good idea now. Are there other ways to start the conversation and to ensure it is prolonged?
So far it has been a week and she is still in my mind.
Anyone who has been in similar situation have any advice?
Whoa dude. Why are you idolizing this person from your past who you didn’t even know that well back then? You sound very lonely and desperate. What else is going on in your life that this woman is the only thing you have to look forward to at the moment? How’s your mental health?
Look her up on social media. Find out where she lives, if she's married, has children and all of that.
Often people give email and phone number on their SM.
If things look promising, contact her. Tell how you bumped into your old classmate, it made you think of her and you're reaching out to say hi.
Have no expectations beyond a friendly contact.
Resist in particular romantic expectations. Don't overthink your intentions and her reaction.
It's just one former classmate to another, hey thinking about you, how are you?
If you hear nothing, that's too bad but nothing ventured nothing gained.
If she replies but that's all she does, same. You tried.
But there are other possibilities that might make you glad you did try.
Dang read the OP completely wrong, he didn’t bump into her but a friend that made him think of her. Oh well, my advice still stands and what you’ve written here is all he can do.
Another thing is, the way you remember someone from high school does not mean that they’re still the same as when you were teens.
Ha, well its not like we did not know each other. We were friends and greatly enjoyed each others company when we hanged out, it just after a year I moved we completely stopped talking.
Also it is not like I immediately plan on starting a relationship with her, I have to find out her personality as I am aware that people can change especially after 10+ years, and also she might not like me now. If she turns out to be different then what I was expecting then whatever, I got to connect with an old friend at least. If she turns out to be someone that I would like then yes I will try to pursue a relationship. I guess my phrasing might have been weird but I am pretty much looking to start a new relationship with someone and I happen to think that maybe things might work with her. From what I am getting at though it sounds like this is a huge long shot and it might end with just brief re-connection with an old friend if I get a reply.
In terms of where she currently lives I have no clue, there is a possibility we live in the same state and are driving distance from each other. I did confirm that she did recently live in another state though, and it is very likely she still lives there, but cant confirm if she currently lives there. In regards to her relationship I am not sure. She is definitely not married but cant confirm if she has a boyfriend or not. I don't think she is in a relationship but I would have to talk with her and see.
In terms of contacting her I do have her number, but not sure if it has changed so I was thinking of social media. My social media though is severely out of date though, not sure if that matters but I never used it after high school. It seems like this texting thing is just not going to work with me though, so very likely this will fall flat.....
It's been 10 years. You have NO idea what this woman is like now (or if she's with someone, or even if she's heterosexual*). How do you know you would even like who she is now?
And do you think it won't be incredibly transparent to her that you are reaching out to people from your past because you can't find anyone in your here-and-now?
*And if that's the case, then are you going to be like, "Oh, okay, bye" and that's it? Because then it'll also be incredibly transparent that you weren't actually interested in her as a person, but just because you hoped you could get into her pants, which will also not endear you to her.
I recently bumped into an old high school friend and had many memories of high school flowing back to me. When reflecting on my memories this women I use to like came up to my mind and I kind of want to get in touch with her.
So far it has been a week and she is still in my mind.
You haven't seen this person in over ten years and... you didn't actually bump into the woman in question, you ran into somebody else who reminded you of her. And, you use to like her in HS but if I understand your post, didn't even have a dating relationship with her when back then.
Since you've asked for advice, I'll say cool it and stop romanticizing her. She might indeed be a great person now, but would she even remember you? You sir, are infatuated with a memory. And not even a memory of an actual past relationship, but a memory of a person you simply liked.
Generally there's nothing wrong with inquiring about someone, but I wouldn't expect it to go anywhere. For you in particular though, I don't think you should at all. You're thinking too much about a person you don't even know, and that's a bit off.
Well, anyways I do not think I will be going forward with this simply because I hate texting.
Also something I found weird here is that lot of people are saying that since I do not know much about her I should not talk to her. Which I think is weird, because i feel that it is impossible to know about someone unless you talk to them and get to know them right? Unless your all hinting at that I should go full stalker or hire a private investigator and figure out everything about her before I talk to her which I think is insane! Literally most of the women I have been with I knew nothing about them before I started talking with them. I just look at them, see if they are good looking enough for me, approach and talk to them, and once we get to know each other and we like each other I would ask her out otherwise I move on. Isn't that how it is suppose to work? I have been in a situation where the women I wanted to start a relationship did have a boyfriend, but we still maintained our friendship and once she broke up with her boyfriend I asked her out when I felt she was ready to move on.
I do admit that I am kind of crossing my fingers here hopping that she still retained some of her qualities that I liked. I know she is not the best looking women, but I just really liked her personality. I was kind of hopping that maybe our past friendship might carry some weight and the fact that she use to like me, but it looks like at this point we pretty much have to treat each other as strangers. I guess if we are starting out as complete strangers then it is not really worth my time because I feel like I cant really be myself properly and it might be difficult to express myself in text messages.
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Oh well, my advice still stands and what you’ve written here is all he can do.
