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I still do those things, and it's 50/50. Some women say 'thank you' and smile, other women will for example go through the door I didn't open, or they will make sure they open their car door before I could walk there, etc. A girl at work tried to give me crap about the chivalry thing, and then the other day she wanted me to lift a bag that was about 75lbs. I said no, do it yourself. I felt bad, because I was raised differently, but it really is true what the above posters said. You can't have it both ways. Either you are a lady, and your 'gentleman' should maintain a level of effort that is one notch above yours (lifting things, opening doors, letting you sit first, etc.) or he should treat you just like he would another man, and let you carry an equal amount of the work and effort. Sometimes it's too hard to tell just from looking at a woman, how she will react. Eventually I'm just gonna say f*** it, it's not worth it. I think chivalry is close to death, there is no way it'll ever come back, in this country anyway.
You're a good man
By chance do you have a brother? J/K
Amusingly enough, I do... 24 years old, not married. However, sadly enough, he's so different from me that anyone without deep knowledge of both of us would have any idea that we're related. This applies especially to how we view and treat women. (Don't worry, I'm working on this.)
Ladies, let me tell you something about chivalry. If you haven't followed my posts, I'll reiterate the fact that I'm a 28-year-old, happily married man.
I generally do believe in chivalry. However, I also believe in equality. In most cases of chivalry, it's a matter of near-equality. For example, nobody likes the door to slam in his/her face... so the guy holds it open for the girl.
HOWEVER... men don't like getting into a situation where they're always forced to do the dirty work. I usually volunteer to do the dirty work if there is dirty work to be done... but sometimes I just don't feel like it. For example, my beloved wife likes to pull this stunt on me when she gets into bed and finally starts to warm up, even though I just got into bed and started warming up myself. Wife: "Honey, do we have water in here?" Me: "No." Back in the day, she used to ask me to get up out of the nice warm bed so that I could bring water into the bedroom to quench HER thirst. These days, she gives me the puppy dog eyes... and I understand them well.
Here's the scenario. I'm warming up too, and if it is she who is thirsty instead of I, then she should get up out of the warm bed to get the water. If I'm thirsty also, or if I'm otherwise getting up anyway, or if she isn't feeling well, then I will get the water. If none of those things are true, I'm not going to want to get up just to get HER water when it'd be no less convenient in the grand scheme of things for HER to get up and get the water.
Ladies, any situation like that is going to p*ss off your man if you've been together for long enough that he's no longer in the "giddily-infatuated-and-worshipping-the-ground-you-walk-on" phase or the "willing-to-do-anything-for-you-even-if-it's-ridiculous-so-that-you'll-hopefully-give-him-sex" phase. Pull your weight without complaining when your man doesn't pull your weight for you. I'm not saying that a man should be a jacka$$... heaven knows, I will be the first to say that men should treat ladies like ladies. What I'm saying is that women should be appreciative of the times when men go the extra mile for them... and they should not complain at times when men choose not to go that extra mile, nor should they expect that the men will always go the extra mile so that the women won't be inconvenienced or whatever.
So, if you think chivalry is dead, I say ask your man about it. You may get a surprising answer when you ask why he doesn't always do things the chivalrous way.
Last edited by NWPAguy; 05-21-2008 at 09:52 AM..
Reason: change
...and oddly enough, if people (especially men) took the time and effort to really find out what "chivalry" is all about, instead of using the lack of it as an excuse for bad manners, fear of gender-negation or flat-out laziness, they might be amazed at how things turn out...
Amusingly enough, I do... 24 years old, not married. However, sadly enough, he's so different from me that anyone without deep knowledge of both of us would have any idea that we're related. This applies especially to how we view and treat women. (Don't worry, I'm working on this.)
Aww, I'm sorry to hear that your brother isnt a gentlemen like you
He should grow up and change his ways.
I didn't tell him I didn't want to go out with him again! I just think a gentlemen would walk you to your car- obviously he isn't one.
You might find one if he's 30 and over an old school kind of guy.The way children are being brought up these days with the t.v,music,computer you are not gonna find that gent anywhere.I don't know how old you are but if you're in the ages between 18 and 30 you're gonna be hard pressed to find a gentleman these days.The young adults i see out there are not the ones i saw when i was growing up.There was more respect for human life in my time.nowadays most people don't have manners or respect for anyone.
Aww, I'm sorry to hear that your brother isnt a gentlemen like you
He should grow up and change his ways.
I've been working on him... see, he's got a good heart, but he has been too shallow. He's basically a skirt-chaser... a "hot body" is way too high on his list of criteria. He has always hated being single, so he used to stick with girls who treated him badly when, by rights, he should've dumped them. This was his pattern back in the day, and then he eventually got sick of how girls were treating him and he mistakenly blamed it on the girls rather than on his lack of guts and fear of singleness. Nowadays he just likes having a girl, for the "benefits"... if you know what I mean... and he isn't really caring about whether or not the girls he "dates" (ahem) are marriage material. However, he does want to find "the one", get married and have kids, etc. He just doesn't see that happening now... not surprising, given that he lives in central New Jersey and he's stuck mostly with typical young Jersey girls. He's one of those people who doesn't think about the future because the future ain't here yet. He lives for today, and doesn't even think about tomorrow.
When he grows up, he'll be one hell of a man. Until then, I have to keep working on him. It's amazing that my wife is a year younger than he is, but yet so much more grown-up than he is... *sigh*
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