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Ah. I had overlooked the part about your daughter. Your daughter, not his daughter, correct?
Is she a child, or an adult?
OK I'm gonna be totally honest with you here. I stand by everything I've said about YOU and HIM. And while I would not mess around with a married man like this, and I think it is at least questionable/unwise, I've withheld judgement about that to some degree.
But why on earth would you have this flaky, mind game playing, questionable mental health having, sexual fling guy...around your daughter?
I mean best case scenario, he isn't gonna be a permanent part of your life (you know this, right?) and you're messing with the stability of your kid's life by having people appear and disappear...it might be worse than that, but even if it's not... Why do this?
Yes my daughter, a young child. He has a son (whom he left w his wife when he chose to move far away) who’s 10. You ask a great question, why involve her, that my friends who know us IRL (and think he’s disordered) asked. My answer might be bad reasoning, but I feel like since he’s always been the one asking to see her (got her bday gift one year etc), and I never have once acted like I care such that he’s just “doing what I want to get something from me,” then it must come from a genuine place and therefore he “deserves” to interact w her.
Yes my daughter, a young child. He has a son (whom he left w his wife when he chose to move far away) who’s 10. You ask a great question, why involve her, that my friends who know us IRL (and think he’s disordered) asked. My answer might be bad reasoning, but I feel like since he’s always been the one asking to see her (got her bday gift one year etc), and I never have once acted like I care such that he’s just “doing what I want to get something from me,” then it must come from a genuine place and therefore he “deserves” to interact w her.
Yeah, that, or a child molester.
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Yes my daughter, a young child. He has a son (whom he left w his wife when he chose to move far away) who’s 10. You ask a great question, why involve her, that my friends who know us IRL (and think he’s disordered) asked. My answer might be bad reasoning, but I feel like since he’s always been the one asking to see her (got her bday gift one year etc), and I never have once acted like I care such that he’s just “doing what I want to get something from me,” then it must come from a genuine place and therefore he “deserves” to interact w her.
You are still focusing on this concept of what he thinks of you, and what you think of him....and concern for your daughter's wellbeing is nowhere in this statement.
As a parent, there is something very wrong about that. Very, very wrong.
Are you unaware that there are men in this world who would want to get to know your young daughter because they are predators who might want something completely inappropriate with her? Like, no concern about that? Only about whether he thinks you are demanding something, or "he asked so it must be genuine and he deserves to interact with her"... I mean, what?
Do you let anyone who asks to interact with your daughter, do so?
Bad reasoning...yeah, uh, that's one way to put it. Tell ya what, go find, buy, or rent a movie called "Lolita" starring Jeremy Irons, and watch that, and get back to us.
People may know about this man with whom I’ve been involved for years from my other threads and I won’t bore you all with details. He’s technically still married but chose to move thousands of miles from his wife & son and she refused to follow him and are estranged. I spoke w her once myself, she really seems hardened and that she thinks he just plays around with women and whatever. But he and I have been close and shared a lot over years.
We have off the charts good sex but he’d never cuddle or stay the night. Is generally an aloof loner. He’d always make declarations after sex about how I shouldn’t expect him to do that often, he doesn’t like to have to meet expectations, he doesn’t want a physical pleasure to have any power or hold on him, and that he felt down after sex. There were times he’d tell me he was depressed after sex and should get help but never did. Well lately it’s way worse. We did it (long, drawn out, really amazing sex) and he freaked out over the low/crash after & said instead of him coming over the next night we should just take my daughter out to eat, much simpler. The most recent time, we finished another bout of awesome sex, then I was getting ready for dinner & he said I looked lovely, nice dress, then said abruptly “oh my gosh this is the worst it’s been. It just keeps getting worse. I feel so low right now. Like I’m crashing from a high very hard. “ he was freaking out. We drove separately to dinner and even though I knew he wasn’t drunk or on drugs (to my knowledge he’s never done either in his life), he was drifting in his lane, randomly going slow then speeding up, missing turns, slow reaction time. When we both parked there was a bit of a walk to dinner and he was almost running, not walking, with a blank look on his face and not really responding properly to stuff I said. The next day he told me he needed psychiatric help but doesn’t want to be on meds. Since then he’s disappeared- like, we text every day and he says he’ll see me next week, but normally he obsessively texts all day and one day last week flipped out when I didn’t text him after he’d said he was busy with work that day. I am tired of the yoyo and know I can’t make him get help or take meds. I just wish there was something else I could do because he’s special to me?
I can handle emotionally unavailable men for the most part.... but this guy is insane.
And you have a daughter?? I'm already mad at you for allowing this bs to go on..
Yes my daughter, a young child. He has a son (whom he left w his wife when he chose to move far away) who’s 10. You ask a great question, why involve her, that my friends who know us IRL (and think he’s disordered) asked. My answer might be bad reasoning, but I feel like since he’s always been the one asking to see her (got her bday gift one year etc), and I never have once acted like I care such that he’s just “doing what I want to get something from me,” then it must come from a genuine place and therefore he “deserves” to interact w her.
Children learn what they live. What your child is learning that it's acceptable to take crumbs from a married man who loves no one but himself.
At best, that's a dangerous lesson for a young girl to learn even if she won't realize the lesson that she's being taught until it's time for her to begin romantic relationships of her own. At worst, this psycho could have nefarious intentions towards your child and is laying the groundwork for those intentions.
It's fine if you want to deal with this man, but exposing your child to him (even while supervised) is unconscionable.
You are still focusing on this concept of what he thinks of you, and what you think of him....and concern for your daughter's wellbeing is nowhere in this statement.
As a parent, there is something very wrong about that. Very, very wrong.
Are you unaware that there are men in this world who would want to get to know your young daughter because they are predators who might want something completely inappropriate with her? Like, no concern about that? Only about whether he thinks you are demanding something, or "he asked so it must be genuine and he deserves to interact with her"... I mean, what?
Do you let anyone who asks to interact with your daughter, do so?
Bad reasoning...yeah, uh, that's one way to put it. Tell ya what, go find, buy, or rent a movie called "Lolita" starring Jeremy Irons, and watch that, and get back to us.
This. So much THIS.
OP, focus on being a parent and not on the man. Do better!
OP, focus on being a parent and not on the man. Do better!
But what is he actually doing that’s the least bit detrimental to her? When we go out to dinner it’s not like we are having those toxic convos we always indulge in before sex. What my daughter sees would just be a friend with whom we meet up, right? If I bring an activity book or toy this guy tries to ask her about it and get involved
Yes he seems insane for telling me he will only go out with me if I don’t speak to other men even though he doesn’t want a relationship himself and is very emotionally unavailable
But what is he actually doing that’s the least bit detrimental to her? When we go out to dinner it’s not like we are having those toxic convos we always indulge in before sex. What my daughter sees would just be a friend with whom we meet up, right? If I bring an activity book or toy this guy tries to ask her about it and get involved
Yes he seems insane for telling me he will only go out with me if I don’t speak to other men even though he doesn’t want a relationship himself and is very emotionally unavailable
It is toxic for you so; it is toxic for your daughter. Thet fact that you cannot
see that is sad.
Clearly it appears you are a victim of sexual abuse(incest and/or molestation) and unfortunately will most likely continue that legacy to your little girl. Anyone in their right head would not have this ”monster” around the most important person in their life. We know you won't leave him but at least keep him away from your child who did not ask to be a part of this, she truly deserves better. This man doesn't care about you, you're nothing more than a sex toy and he has proven this by ditching his wife and son.
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