Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think it's a stretch to say he was "honest and polite".
You're assuming that what he told you about just "losing the connection" for no reason at all is true. Personally, I don't think it is. When does that happen to a grown adult who knows where they stand and aren't chasing two rabbits at once?
That being said, whether he was honest or not has no bearings on what you *should* want to do here. You don't have to see someone out of charity because they're a good person and you believe you should be nice to them. It's dating. You're either excited about it or you aren't, whatever your reasons for it. And in your case, it seems like you aren't.
You don't know this guy that much, you have no real involvement with him, and at this point you're quite clear that you're through with him. If I was in your position I think I might politely decline the invitation. Or not... depending on where I'm busy or feeling social...
They suddenly stop responding aka slowing it down a lot. I read all past messages, wondering where it went wrong. Cannot find any clues. Overanalyzing every detail. Then I ask what is going on, they say nothing and that they are super busy but you know exactly that they have time for everyone and everything else. And they act as if I am imagining it but then of course they disappear shortly after me asking. Sometimes they came back and in the beginning I gave them a second chance and then they did the same thing. I no longer give second chances. Waste of time.
I even had just messages with people, where we messaged a lot and then they disappear. And then they show up again weeks or months later with an excuse, I gave them another chance and voila - they do the same thing gain and ghost me before we meet. It just means that I was one of many options and they weren't really interested in the beginning and then everything else did not work out and I am plan C. But then we text again and they remember that I really wasn't that hot or some other hotter girl accepts their messages and they ghost me again.
Sometimes I had someone message me and I just have a very distant memory of having messaged that person before, months or even years ago. I no longer ask myself or him why we never met or why we lost touch - just knowing that there was a reason why we never met is enough for me to know this is not going to work out.
However, YOUR guy - he was honest. He did not just ghost you like most others would. He was honest and clear and gave you closure. That's a good quality and rare nowadays. But it was hurtful enough for you to lose interest. That's your right, you are not obligated to meet him again.
They suddenly stop responding aka slowing it down a lot. I read all past messages, wondering where it went wrong. Cannot find any clues. Overanalyzing every detail. Then I ask what is going on, they say nothing and that they are super busy but you know exactly that they have time for everyone and everything else. And they act as if I am imagining it but then of course they disappear shortly after me asking. Sometimes they came back and in the beginning I gave them a second chance and then they did the same thing. I no longer give second chances. Waste of time.
I even had just messages with people, where we messaged a lot and then they disappear. And then they show up again weeks or months later with an excuse, I gave them another chance and voila - they do the same thing gain and ghost me before we meet. It just means that I was one of many options and they weren't really interested in the beginning and then everything else did not work out and I am plan C. But then we text again and they remember that I really wasn't that hot or some other hotter girl accepts their messages and they ghost me again.
Sometimes I had someone message me and I just have a very distant memory of having messaged that person before, months or even years ago. I no longer ask myself or him why we never met or why we lost touch - just knowing that there was a reason why we never met is enough for me to know this is not going to work out.
However, YOUR guy - he was honest. He did not just ghost you like most others would. He was honest and clear and gave you closure. That's a good quality and rare nowadays. But it was hurtful enough for you to lose interest. That's your right, you are not obligated to meet him again.
And that's the thing, I have no hard feelings towards him, nor anger. In a way I think that is why I was able to get over it so quickly, because I was treated with respect (even thought I have to admit he could have been more forthcoming and not wait til I reached out). But either way at least he told me and there was a closure. So I am at peace with it and with him.
I had been dating a guy for 2.5 months, see each other weekly (when in town) and talk every day. Everything was going great or at least I thought so. Everything had been smooth, consistent, fun and enjoyable. On our last date we had a great time, he was throwing me ideas for our next date on some things he wanted to show and take me to. I was onboard. The following days, communication was the same, great, consistent, playful and enjoyable as always. He kept reiterating how great of a time he's having with me.
Then all of a sudden, he just becomes quiet for a couple of days. Doesn't ignore me, but also very delayed responses and much shorter responses. This is trivial, but I also feel an indicator, but on social he would always view my stories and react to certain ones before. I noticed he stopped interacting on social with me, even though he was active and posting things. I didn't react negatively to them because I figured he might be busy or doing his own thing, HOWEVER, my intuition told me something was off. So I gave him a little space for a few days.
I then reached out to ask him about the date he had planned and we had locked down a date for, the one he wanted to show me around certain places. I wanted to confirm if it was still happening. He then sent me a message in response saying "It's really weird, the last date I had with you was great as it has been and loved talking to you afterwards too in the following days. But then all of a sudden, for no reason, nothing you did, I just lost the connection with you and I am not feeling excited anymore. I don't know what happened."
I responded kindly, "I respect that, and I really appreciate your honesty. It happens and that's okay. How you feel is how you feel. I really enjoyed my time with you. Thank you for communicating this with me." He hearted that message.
I accepted and decided to start moving on. However, a week later he reaches out to me, saying he would like to talk to me he may have been a little all over the place when we last spoke. My thing is now I don't trust him. Personally speaking, if the conversation is about him making a mistake, I can accept that, but at the same time I just don't think there is any turning back. I feel like what is done is done and I don't think I want to pursue anything (if that is indeed why he's reaching out). I am not sure I want to meet up with him at all.
The thing is prior to that he's been a great guy. And even when he rejected/dumped me, he was at least honest and polite. So part of me is like am I not giving this guy a fair chance and not being understanding to meet up? Past experiences wants me to stick to my guns, but at the same time aside from this situation, he has been great.
I think if I were you, I would play it this way:
Tell him very politely "Well, thanks but I've thought this through and I'm just not feeling that connection anymore after what happened." Then sit back and let him pursue you and I mean PURSUE and WOO to get another date with you.
The thing is, in all honesty, it seems he was all gung ho but someone else came along and took his attention away from you. Now the little butterfly is gone and he's trying to hang on to something, anything, because he's alone. Let him waller around in his own BS. You move on and don't give him any hope at all until he has completely won you over. He may try to get you back and he may not. If not, you never had anything with him worth hanging on to anyway. If so, see where it goes and if he ever ghosts you like that again, no more contact. At all. No need to block anyone (that sends a mental message that they are getting to you) but ignoring really gets people's attention.
This guy is either flaky or else he has some sort of mental illness.
You don't need a flake in your life who you can't depend on and you don't really need a man who suffers from periods of depression and retreats into himself for periods of time. Whatever caused his behavior, there is no good reason for you to have to deal with it. He gave you the out, there is no reason to give him the opportunity to do it again. Let him go and be someone else's problem.
I guess it's a sign of the times when my first reaction is, "Hey, at least he responded to you and didn't ghost you." I think giving you a reason shows that at least the guy has some manners.
Sometimes that initial spark sputters out. It happens. Now he has done something that actively turned you off. That's his problem. I would move on if I were you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
