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I had been dating a guy for 2.5 months, see each other weekly (when in town) and talk every day. Everything was going great or at least I thought so. Everything had been smooth, consistent, fun and enjoyable. On our last date we had a great time, he was throwing me ideas for our next date on some things he wanted to show and take me to. I was onboard. The following days, communication was the same, great, consistent, playful and enjoyable as always. He kept reiterating how great of a time he's having with me.
Then all of a sudden, he just becomes quiet for a couple of days. Doesn't ignore me, but also very delayed responses and much shorter responses. This is trivial, but I also feel an indicator, but on social he would always view my stories and react to certain ones before. I noticed he stopped interacting on social with me, even though he was active and posting things. I didn't react negatively to them because I figured he might be busy or doing his own thing, HOWEVER, my intuition told me something was off. So I gave him a little space for a few days.
I then reached out to ask him about the date he had planned and we had locked down a date for, the one he wanted to show me around certain places. I wanted to confirm if it was still happening. He then sent me a message in response saying "It's really weird, the last date I had with you was great as it has been and loved talking to you afterwards too in the following days. But then all of a sudden, for no reason, nothing you did, I just lost the connection with you and I am not feeling excited anymore. I don't know what happened."
I responded kindly, "I respect that, and I really appreciate your honesty. It happens and that's okay. How you feel is how you feel. I really enjoyed my time with you. Thank you for communicating this with me." He hearted that message.
I accepted and decided to start moving on. However, a week later he reaches out to me, saying he would like to talk to me he may have been a little all over the place when we last spoke. My thing is now I don't trust him. Personally speaking, if the conversation is about him making a mistake, I can accept that, but at the same time I just don't think there is any turning back. I feel like what is done is done and I don't think I want to pursue anything (if that is indeed why he's reaching out). I am not sure I want to meet up with him at all.
The thing is prior to that he's been a great guy. And even when he rejected/dumped me, he was at least honest and polite. So part of me is like am I not giving this guy a fair chance and not being understanding to meet up? Past experiences wants me to stick to my guns, but at the same time aside from this situation, he has been great.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
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You’ve given this guy a fair chance already. He’s shown you that you are expendable in his eyes. I vote to keep it moving and protect yourself and your interests.
You haven't known him long enough to know if this shutting down is something that happens from time to time or not. You don't want to be involved with someone that has mood swings.
Another possibility is he was interested in another person and it didn't pan out.
You’ve given this guy a fair chance already. He’s shown you that you are expendable in his eyes. I vote to keep it moving and protect yourself and your interests.
Yeah that's how I am feeling. It's like how do I know you won't do this again a month from now?
Problem with dating someone 2.5 months in is while you are getting to know them, you don't REALLY fully know them, so I don't know if this is how he is when dating, or if this is a one-off situation. However, I have had experiences with guys in the past who did this back and forth and it never ended well. I promised myself I would learn from those mistakes. So I just don't trust him now.
You haven't known him long enough to know if this shutting down is something that happens from time to time or not. You don't want to be involved with someone that has mood swings.
Another possibility is he was interested in another person and it didn't pan out.
Or he's looking for drama.
Go with your gut.
Exactly in bold. I don't know him well enough to know if this is a one off situation or he does this a lot. I feel like being okay with it, would just signal to him that I am disposable at his whim.
What's interesting is for the first time, I don't really care what his reasons may have been for doing so. It's also the first time, where I my attitude was like "Well that's that, time to carry on." I really liked him but I have surprised myself on how well I took it and how easily I am carrying on. I feel like I have matured a lot in the past year when it comes to dating.
I had been dating a guy for 2.5 months, see each other weekly (when in town) and talk every day. Everything was going great or at least I thought so. Everything had been smooth, consistent, fun and enjoyable. On our last date we had a great time, he was throwing me ideas for our next date on some things he wanted to show and take me to. I was onboard. The following days, communication was the same, great, consistent, playful and enjoyable as always. He kept reiterating how great of a time he's having with me.
Then all of a sudden, he just becomes quiet for a couple of days. Doesn't ignore me, but also very delayed responses and much shorter responses. This is trivial, but I also feel an indicator, but on social he would always view my stories and react to certain ones before. I noticed he stopped interacting on social with me, even though he was active and posting things. I didn't react negatively to them because I figured he might be busy or doing his own thing, HOWEVER, my intuition told me something was off. So I gave him a little space for a few days.
I then reached out to ask him about the date he had planned and we had locked down a date for, the one he wanted to show me around certain places. I wanted to confirm if it was still happening. He then sent me a message in response saying "It's really weird, the last date I had with you was great as it has been and loved talking to you afterwards too in the following days. But then all of a sudden, for no reason, nothing you did, I just lost the connection with you and I am not feeling excited anymore. I don't know what happened."
I responded kindly, "I respect that, and I really appreciate your honesty. It happens and that's okay. How you feel is how you feel. I really enjoyed my time with you. Thank you for communicating this with me." He hearted that message.
I accepted and decided to start moving on. However, a week later he reaches out to me, saying he would like to talk to me he may have been a little all over the place when we last spoke. My thing is now I don't trust him. Personally speaking, if the conversation is about him making a mistake, I can accept that, but at the same time I just don't think there is any turning back. I feel like what is done is done and I don't think I want to pursue anything (if that is indeed why he's reaching out). I am not sure I want to meet up with him at all.
The thing is prior to that he's been a great guy. And even when he rejected/dumped me, he was at least honest and polite. So part of me is like am I not giving this guy a fair chance and not being understanding to meet up? Past experiences wants me to stick to my guns, but at the same time aside from this situation, he has been great.
I've had this situation 2 times in my life in regards to dating. In one situation, the guy decided to break up with me because I lost my virginity to him, and I cried. Well, he couldn't have a crying girlfriend, so he broke up with me. Later, he wanted me back, and I accepted that, and we started dating again. BUT...it was never really the same.
Somehow, me knowing that I was that easily disposable kind of gave me an attitude. After a couple of months, I broke up with him.
The second time, different person, the guy just ghosted me. Actually stood in his house and pretended he wasn't home, in spite of the fact that the TV was on, and the car was in the driveway. A month goes by, and he calls me out of the blue. He wants to act like nothing happened and wants to know if we can meet up somewhere and talk. I told him I didn't have time for his nonsense, and leave me alone, and I hung up on him. Never heard from him again, although I did find out, through my brother, that an ex wife of the guy had come in to town, and apparently she was more spicy than me.
So...based on my experience, it seems like, to me, it's better to just let it drop and move on. lol
I've had this situation 2 times in my life in regards to dating. In one situation, the guy decided to break up with me because I lost my virginity to him, and I cried. Well, he couldn't have a crying girlfriend, so he broke up with me. Later, he wanted me back, and I accepted that, and we started dating again. BUT...it was never really the same.
Somehow, me knowing that I was that easily disposable kind of gave me an attitude. After a couple of months, I broke up with him.
The second time, different person, the guy just ghosted me. Actually stood in his house and pretended he wasn't home, in spite of the fact that the TV was on, and the car was in the driveway. A month goes by, and he calls me out of the blue. He wants to act like nothing happened and wants to know if we can meet up somewhere and talk. I told him I didn't have time for his nonsense, and leave me alone, and I hung up on him. Never heard from him again, although I did find out, through my brother, that an ex wife of the guy had come in to town, and apparently she was more spicy than me.
So...based on my experience, it seems like, to me, it's better to just let it drop and move on. lol
Thanks for sharing that. That was my plan, and friends and family also have agreed with me (but they can be biased) so always like coming to this board to have an additional sounding board.
And you are right it wouldn't be the same, because I just wouldn't fully trust him and I would have my guard up the whole time. Not a good way to be with someone.
OP, this was entirely predictable. You were planning a future with this guy after just a few weeks, convinced you had finally found "The One" (again). You overthought and overplanned how to make this one stick instead of taking it super slow and letting attraction build with space and time.
You say you dated for 2.5 months, but 1.5 of those months he was out of the country. So really you had known him for barely a month. I also find it strange that you have already shared so much about him with family and friends. I wouldn't bother to discuss anyone I am dating or introduce them around for several months if at all. It just makes you look silly when it all goes south.
If you are wondering why all these relationships fizzle out so predictably for you, I would venture to say its because you come across too desperate and guys pick up on that.
Have you ever just taken a break from Grindr or wherever you trawl for men and practiced being alone with yourself for awhile?
Last edited by zentropa; 09-16-2022 at 02:11 PM..
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