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Hello everyone,
A few days ago my girlfriend of 2 years and 7 months broke up with me (i am 22 and she is almost 21). She said she didn’t feel it anymore and she missed me less than normal. Everything was perfect for 2 years and 5 months. There was much love and intimacy coming from both sides, we were both so happy with eachother and we never had big beef, small discussions of 15 minutes yes but no beef. But then it changed. We didnt see eachother for a long time (we had online contact) because of finals and separate vacations with our families and when both back she also got COVID. During those 2 COVID weeks it started changing. She told me she felt she was making evolution as a person the past 2 months, which is normal at 20 years old. She told me she was searching for herself a bit, searching what she wants. She now has the urge to spend more times with friends (which she didn’t do when we were together, although i tried to make her see her friends more) and she also wants times just on her own. She says she can feel happy when she is alone for this moment. I am still in love with her, for me she feels like the one. She told me that she does not want that i keep hope to get back together because she does not want to keep hurting me and she still likes me as a person and doesnt wan to lose me so she would like to stay friends. I know she loves me as a person, she told me explicitly. (maybe even more idk that but right now it is just repressed because of the situation and she wants to do everything correctly to not lose me entirely)
We both study at college and are in the same years and classes, so we see eachother almost daily. At this moment we don’t contact though. Should i keep no contact? Or should i act normal with her? We did talk yesterday just because i did not understand the reasons at first. What should i do now? Keep the contact? Or do a no contact for a while? Also now (6 days after the breakup) she sent me some pics of her dog, whom really liked me and i liked him too. I responded short. What do i do if she stays sending me stuff, do i tell her i am not ready to chat casual and i need some time to process all this so we could become friends? Do i tell her already now or do i wait till she sends something again?
I am in two minds right now. On the one hand i just want to be back together, because we had such great times, we were so much in love and we always felt happy with eachother. But on the other hand i don’t want to lose her completely and if we really can’t get back together, i want to be friends with her because we were quite literally also eachothers best friends. She also does not want to lose me completely. We both aren’t interested in someone else or something new, she explicitly told me that. I don’t really know how i should handle this whole situation. What do you think?
To me, it seems like if she broke up with you, then it's up to her to re-initiate with you. When she sends pics of the dog, maybe she's just trying to soften the blow but really she's triggering your wish to be with her romantically, right? Some people in your position might say to her, "Please don't contact me for awhile so I can adjust to being friends." Maybe this reading will help. Good luck!
Don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend but still want to be together as 'friends' is a classic method of easing the blow of a break up.
If I were the OP, I'd move on and not make a huge deal out of it. By that I mean, don't initiate contact including sending text messages. Increase the amount of time before replying to her texts, until she gets the hint and stops altogether. No heart to heart about "if we can't be together as a couple, then I don't want to associate with you anymore" types of emotional blackmail.
It's clear the OP is still deeply in love with this lady, so there's a bit of ulterior motives I think when he claims that he doesn't want to lose her altogether either and is willing to stay just friends. Even if he somehow convinces her that he's okay with remaining friends, his deep feelings for her will always get in the way. Perhaps the OP thinks that by remaining friends, that one day she'll eventually fall back in love with him. Life doesn't always work like in the movies.
Don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend but still want to be together as 'friends' is a classic method of easing the blow of a break up.
If I were the OP, I'd move on and not make a huge deal out of it. By that I mean, don't initiate contact including sending text messages. Increase the amount of time before replying to her texts, until she gets the hint and stops altogether. No heart to heart about "if we can't be together as a couple, then I don't want to associate with you anymore" types of emotional blackmail.
It's clear the OP is still deeply in love with this lady, so there's a bit of ulterior motives I think when he claims that he doesn't want to lose her altogether either and is willing to stay just friends. Even if he somehow convinces her that he's okay with remaining friends, his deep feelings for her will always get in the way. Perhaps the OP thinks that by remaining friends, that one day she'll eventually fall back in love with him. Life doesn't always work like in the movies.
I pretty much agree with this, all the way through. This doesn't have to be the big breakup scene, but just pull back. Increase the length of time before responding to texts, etc. Maybe someday the two of you can be friends, but at this point, I don't think it can happen, and OP, I think you'd be giving yourself false hope, by staying in touch with her. Just let her go.
The break up may not feel right to you, but it feels right to her. This is also the time of her life when she should be exploring all her options.
I suggest that the next time she sends you a text that you respond with - I think fondly of you and I only want what is best for you, but I wish you would not text me for a few months so that I can have time to get over you.
I also suggest you get out there and socialize. That's easiest to do while still in school. Date some others.
I think you should focus on your studies, be friendly, and see what happens. You are both young and with luck you will have many such relationships before you mature enough to settle with the one right for both of you.
The break up may not feel right to you, but it feels right to her. This is also the time of her life when she should be exploring all her options.
I suggest that the next time she sends you a text that you respond with - I think fondly of you and I only want what is best for you, but I wish you would not text me for a few months so that I can have time to get over you.
I also suggest you get out there and socialize. That's easiest to do while still in school. Date some others.
Yes to all of this ^^^ It sucks, and you probably feel blindsided, but if everything was so perfect in your relationship, she wouldn't want out it. The old saying, "if you love someone set them free" applies here. Even though she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, she has, and you need time to come to terms with what happens. Maybe you can be friendly again next year, but right now is too soon.
Ok, forget about all the BS about how she needs to evolve, spend time alone, search for herself, etc. She has the classic wanderlust signs of being interested in someone else, or maybe she has already found someone else. I guarantee you that will be the case.
Also, forget about responding to her texts or giving explanations as to why you don't want to hear from her. Just stop responding. If you really want to get over her, that's what you do. But then, you wouldn't hear from her again, which is really what you want. You can either keep pining for her and be satisfied with the crumbs she tosses your way or blot her out completely. I suggest the latter.
Ok, forget about all the BS about how she needs to evolve, spend time alone, search for herself, etc. She has the classic wanderlust signs of being interested in someone else, or maybe she has already found someone else. I guarantee you that will be the case.
Also, forget about responding to her texts or giving explanations as to why you don't want to hear from her. Just stop responding. If you really want to get over her, that's what you do. But then, you wouldn't hear from her again, which is really what you want. You can either keep pining for her and be satisfied with the crumbs she tosses your way or blot her out completely. I suggest the latter.
Some people want to move on from a relationship but still keep their ex hanging on.
It's an ego thing and if both parties are on the same page about the break-up, harmless I guess, for a while at least.
However if one has her eye on the horizon and the other one is still pining, it can be a cruel thing to pursue.
OP (having been there myself) it really is best just to cut ties and stay busy. Distract yourself in healthy ways and put thoughts of the future in a different direction.
Let her go. Refrain from texting asap if she sends a text. If it is what you want though, you need to make her want to see you again. Go cold, dont text, talk etc. Its amazing what it can do. If you get back together, communicate and establish boundary's etc.
Breaking up is never easy, but as you get older, kids etc, it gets very hard.
You are young. That is a blessing right now.
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