Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Women do this to let the guy down gently, to make it not be a personal rejection.
For some over-cautious women (like me) there is also in the mix a hesitancy to make the man angry.
I never used the boyfriend excuse, and it's flattering to have someone notice you but the chance of meeting a stranger at a bar, club, etc. and getting together in any way other than chatting for the evening was zero to nil for me.
It just wasn't how I met companions.
I'm not the only woman who feels that way, so you're also dealing with that factor too. Some women are just simply not going to be interested in strangers at the bar.
Attention is nice and women should always be polite about receiving it but no way are they going to go to strangers. So you're dealing with that too.
Phantom boyfriends are a form of social pleasantry, kind of like saying "how are you?" or "nice to see you" when you meet someone.
Shrug it off as part of life
I would have assumed that is normally the case, a social pleasantry. But it sounds like a lot of the women on here have a really negative attitude towards men.
I believe that one of two possibilities might be in play
1). She is really repulsed by you, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, so she invents a "scapegoat" excuse to avoid the bitter truth.
or
2). She is testing you to see if you have the kind of self confidence she wants in a suitor.....looking to see if you have the spunk to rise to the occasion, and (to date) you have been "folding up" in the face of challenge
Either way it's been a lost cause for you,....so why not try something different? You got nothing to lose.
Next time try "Oh, that's great, I was afraid you were married, why don't you and I do dinner?' And see where it goes. She might be impressed enough by your resilience to either give you a shot, or alternately play out her hand per #1 above
But either way you don't go home wondering "what if?
I would have assumed that is normally the case, a social pleasantry. But it sounds like a lot of the women on here have a really negative attitude towards men.
Yes it does, doesn't it?
Not sure exactly why women who are so anti-relationship are commenting on the Relationship forum.
That's their right though I guess.
1. Because she doesn't know how you might react if she straight-up tells you she's not interested, so it's better to make it sound like she has another reason to decline.
2. Because some men won't take "I'm not interested" for an answer and will only back off if a woman is another man's "property."
3. She might not enjoy confrontation (could also tie into #1) or feels like she will be "hurting your feelings" if she just says she's not into you.
There are other reasons, but those are the three biggest ones.
All of these.
Despite what some may have you believe, women are still at risk of creepy stalkers whose fragile and non-existent egos cannot take rejection of any form.
Saying you have a boyfriend may not work all the time, but at least it's better than just saying no thanks which can trigger some violently.
I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?
Because most women don't want to flat out say, "Sorry but I just don't dig you."
They don't want to hurt the other person and/or such a direct approach might cause the other person to get upset.
Best to say "I'm seeing someone and leave it at that."
I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?
They just don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also saying they aren't interested could trigger interrogation and they want to avoid any further explanation.
Saying, "I have BF" is just short and easy. One just should get the hint and leave.
I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?
#2 drives me nuts. The dude will respect her imaginary boyfriend more than the woman herself.
EXACTLY! A simple, "No thank you" should be enough. She shouldn't have to explain WHY she's not interested (married, boyfriend, isn't into you, family commitments, focusing on work etc.)
I would have assumed that is normally the case, a social pleasantry. But it sounds like a lot of the women on here have a really negative attitude towards men.
Actually, and more specifically, they have a negative attitude about men who become violent when rejected. Go figure.
Personally, some men will only stop if I say I have a boyfriend, and still there are those that insist they can still pursue me because I'm not yet married.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
