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I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?
I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?
I would say change your approach. If you're interested in a woman take out a piece of paper and write your phone number on it hand it to her and said if you're interested call me. And then walk away. You give her the opportunity of getting out of it without having to make up a boyfriend which is confidence on your side. And it shows that you have confidence it's not that important to you but you're willing to give it a shot.
I see a lot of guys get kind of pushy about this. And I don't think they mean to it's just they want women to communicate like men do and they don't do that. Your answer of whether she's interested or not or is whether or not she calls you just be patient that's a good thing to have if you're interested in dating. Don't buy them drinks don't do anything for them don't buy them flowers wait till after you've been dating for a little while to do that stuff.
I would say change your approach. If you're interested in a woman take out a piece of paper and write your phone number on it hand it to her and say," If you're interested call me." And then walk away. You give her the opportunity of getting out of it without having to make up a boyfriend which is confidence on your side.
And if you want to increase your chances that she'll call, go to a local BofA ATM and pick up a bunch of those ATM slips that everyone drops. Look for the one's with a large balance. This would be the "piece of paper" you write your number on. If you find a balance of a few million, there's a very good chance you'll get a call....
1. Because she doesn't know how you might react if she straight-up tells you she's not interested, so it's better to make it sound like she has another reason to decline.
2. Because some men won't take "I'm not interested" for an answer and will only back off if a woman is another man's "property."
3. She might not enjoy confrontation (could also tie into #1) or feels like she will be "hurting your feelings" if she just says she's not into you.
There are other reasons, but those are the three biggest ones.
Is it at all possible that you give off the impression that you would act negatively if told the "truth" (shes not interested) - thus they make up the story?
1. Because she doesn't know how you might react if she straight-up tells you she's not interested, so it's better to make it sound like she has another reason to decline.
2. Because some men won't take "I'm not interested" for an answer and will only back off if a woman is another man's "property."
3. She might not enjoy confrontation (could also tie into #1) or feels like she will be "hurting your feelings" if she just says she's not into you.
There are other reasons, but those are the three biggest ones.
#2 drives me nuts. The dude will respect her imaginary boyfriend more than the woman herself.
1. Because she doesn't know how you might react if she straight-up tells you she's not interested, so it's better to make it sound like she has another reason to decline.
2. Because some men won't take "I'm not interested" for an answer and will only back off if a woman is another man's "property."
3. She might not enjoy confrontation (could also tie into #1) or feels like she will be "hurting your feelings" if she just says she's not into you.
There are other reasons, but those are the three biggest ones.
This was exactly what I was looking for. Thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
#2 drives me nuts. The dude will respect her imaginary boyfriend more than the woman herself.
This again is really helpful thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1200RT
Is it at all possible that you give off the impression that you would act negatively if told the "truth" (shes not interested) - thus they make up the story?
BTW - how do you know they dont have boyfriends?
I got shot down yesterday in a situation where I suspect that her 'boyfriend' is completely made up and that is what prompted the thread, but in the past I have asked out women who said they had boyfriends but then later agreed to date someone else that I knew.
The phantom boyfriend story is something that just kind of gets on my nerves because it seems so unnecessary to me, but actually understanding why women feel a need to tell me this lie kind of gives me some insight into what negative impressions I might unintentionally be giving off to women too.
Women do this to let the guy down gently, to make it not be a personal rejection.
For some over-cautious women (like me) there is also in the mix a hesitancy to make the man angry.
I never used the boyfriend excuse, and it's flattering to have someone notice you but the chance of meeting a stranger at a bar, club, etc. and getting together in any way other than chatting for the evening was zero to nil for me.
It just wasn't how I met companions.
I'm not the only woman who feels that way, so you're also dealing with that factor too. Some women are just simply not going to be interested in strangers at the bar.
Attention is nice and women should always be polite about receiving it but no way are they going to go to strangers. So you're dealing with that too.
Phantom boyfriends are a form of social pleasantry, kind of like saying "how are you?" or "nice to see you" when you meet someone.
I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?
Because not all guys take rejection well.
Rather than have some guy get angry and start yelling at me, which is scary, I will just say that I already have a boyfriend. That typically ends the conversation. Some push, saying they are better than my fake boyfriend, but then I tell them that I've been with them for 5 years. Usually shuts it down right there, they don't get all offended, no drama.
I'm sorry but I haven't heard of a girl with a fake boyfriend since Jan Brady claimed she was dating George Glass.
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