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My girlfriend just got an offer to go work in Amsterdam (without me). We're both South African but I have a Canadian passport as well. We broke up in SA where I then decided "f$%k it" and moved to South Sudan.
When that happened she came running back to me and we made up just before I left but now we were long distancing. I get 2 weeks of leave every 3 months so thought it would be okay. In her loneliness she decided to apply for jobs in Amsterdam (her ex boss works there now), I was never happy with this amd offered to move back to SA next year.
She now has recieved a job offer to.move there and I'm trying tp be happy for here but I feel so*f@%&ed over because I'm a nature conservationist and no way for me to work there. If she wanted to work overseas a much better option would've been Canada where I was included. She's a UX designer and can work from pretty much anywhere.
I just feel we were so close to getting everything back to normal again amd now it' just an indefinite mess because of an emotional decision of her, or am I wrong?
In my experience long distance relationships have a short shelf life. The big reason people get into a relationship is for emotional connection and support and if you are living far away, it is hard to actually get your needs met in these long distance relationships.
If the two people are gone for a fairly short period with ideally a fairly clear and definite end date, sometimes you can make it work. But for the most part the reason long distance relationships happen is because they involve two different people who are choosing to put their career over the needs of the relationship. If this woman was really into you she would have followed you to the Sudan or maybe you would have followed her to Amsterdam, but both of you put your career above the relationship.
This relationship had its problems, you have already broken up once, and I don't think either of you are willing to do what it takes to make this relationship actually hold. If it were me, I would own that decision and just break up with her so you can find someone else who lives closer to you.
Did she discuss the prospect of international post prior to applying? In other words - what was supposed to happen if/when she got the job? Is her assumption that you stay together?
This relationship had its problems, you have already broken up once, and I don't think either of you are willing to do what it takes to make this relationship actually hold. If it were me, I would own that decision and just break up with her so you can find someone else who lives closer to you.
Exactly, this relationship was hanging on by a thread, and OP had already up and moved to South Sudan. If Amsterdam was a great opportunity for her, there was no reason for her to stay in SA so OP could visit in three months. It's hard, it sucks, but it is what it is.
The OP left for Sudan because they'd broken up. Then she came back and asked to get back together, so the OP agreed to that. The next step would be to discuss whether he would move back to SA, or if they might look for jobs together abroad somewhere, ideally Canada. But instead of following through on her her own suggestion to reunite, by discussing future employment possibilities and locations for them both, she unilaterally decided to apply for a job in Amsterdam. That makes no sense.
OP, you need to ask her, if you haven't already, why she applied for a job in Europe right after she'd initiated a reconciliation. What was she thinking, when she did that? You need to find out. Because it looks on the surface like she had no sincere intention of reuniting. Maybe she only wanted the reconciliation, because she felt rejected, but once you agreed to get back together, the sting of rejection was alleviated, so she went on her merry way.
You two need to talk. Be prepared for bad news, though.
She's a UX designer and can work from pretty much anywhere.
You know if she can work from anywhere, she doesn’t physically have to travel all over the world to do that, right?
I don’t have to travel to Canada to look for a job in Canada. Did she fly to Amsterdam for an interview instead of using Skype, Teams, or WebEx?
A decent Laptop is all you need to deliver UX work. It’s not an in-office only field. Seems like you’d be together if you both wanted to be. She’s physically going over to Amsterdam to work with her old boss, instead of staying physically with you to have an actual relationship. I think that tells you a lot.
Sorry I’m not getting it, there’s something really strange about this story.
I don't find it that strange, I guess. Maybe she wants to live in Amsterdam. Unfortunately, what she wants for her life (to live/work in another country) and what OP wants for their life (to not live/work in that country) don't jive. Expecting her to stay for the sake of the relationship makes no more sense than expecting OP to go with her for the sake of the relationship.
I don't find it that strange, I guess. Maybe she wants to live in Amsterdam. Unfortunately, what she wants for her life (to live/work in another country) and what OP wants for their life (to not live/work in that country) don't jive. Expecting her to stay for the sake of the relationship makes no more sense than expecting OP to go with her for the sake of the relationship.
Well then the relationship wasn’t all that important, if nobody’s willing to compromise.
I don't find it that strange, I guess. Maybe she wants to live in Amsterdam. Unfortunately, what she wants for her life (to live/work in another country) and what OP wants for their life (to not live/work in that country) don't jive. Expecting her to stay for the sake of the relationship makes no more sense than expecting OP to go with her for the sake of the relationship.
It still doesn't make any sense, that as soon as he took a job in Sudan, she ran back to him before he left for his job, and wanted to get back together. So he agreed to that. But he'd accepted the job, so he had to take it at least for some minimum amount of time: a year or whatever. The next thing he knows, she applied for and got a job in Amsterdam. Even though she doesn't need to live there to do the job. This is baffling.
1) Why did she apply for a job abroad in the first place? Apparently she got along well with her former boss, so she wanted to work for him again. But there must be more to it, because...
2) She can work from home, so why leave Africa, right after succeeding in patching up their relationship?
3) Why did she not discuss any of this with the OP? She's behaving like a single person, even though she told the OP, she wanted to be in a relationship with him.
OP, what was the reason for the initial breakup, if you don't mind us asking? Is she prone to impulsive decisions? Or is she going to Amsterdam just for the year that you work in Sudan, and then she'll be open to relocating somewhere else with you? Is Amsterdam just a temporary arrangement?
There's got to be more to the story...
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