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Hi.
If possible would it be possible to receive some advice? May be long so I apologise in advance.
Back in march I met a girl online but at that time I had no confidence, shy and was nervous when I met her. We met a couple of times but always talking on the phone. Sadly I lost my job and other issues arrived and became severely depressed. Few weeks later she informed me she wanted to be friends, I was struggling and didn’t deal with it in the right way by drinking heavily and calling her. Eventually and I agree that she should’ve she blocked me. So it was two months I improved myself lost a lot of weight got a new job, went on a couple of dates. My confidence was high and was loving life but kept thinking of her as I did really like her. So as she followed me on instagram she messaged me after two months asking how am I . Yes I was very happy she messaged me and tbh when it comes to her I should’ve just said my intentions from then regarding herself. I decided not to rush and constantly text and call like I done last time. Everything seemed to be going well then a very close member of my family sadly passed away and I had to have joint responsibilities of organising the funeral,dealing with solicitors and my mum was struggling very badly like all of us grieving. I did inform the girl I like all this as we both spoke regarding problems etc. I never had so much pressure on my shoulders doing all this and at the same time I kept on thinking of her. Eventually I asked her out for a drink and she said yes. So we went out, now I can’t really handle alcohol like I used to and at the same time she said she had interest and wanted to start as good friends meet up regularly and into something after. She always texted me each night as well.Obviously I was happy but I had all this other things pressing my mind worrying about my mother and was getting calls from her. Now, me and her decided to do shots - bad idea. We took a picture together which she put on Facebook which she never does. Sadly the alcohol caught up and I couldn’t remember leaving the bar and woke up in her bed fully clothed. I got home and text her-no reply but read. She text me she’s unhappy because she said I couldn’t stay at hers and her daughter was there and I was apparently refusing to get up and her daughter was upset which is still hurting me now.Now not being wise I can’t remember any of this and sent my deepest apologies to them both, she didn’t block me but no communication from her. I was out a week later again drinking and text her sorry and other things- nothing vulgar or explicit. Eventually we texted again with each other and she said hoping my mum is ok and I will let her know how how the funeral goes. I did text her and said I’ll call over the weekend, but I thought I’d leave it and give her space as I was texting too much and maybe thought she was upset. After that time I text her regarding a favour I needed to help with elderly care which she does. She replied and I thanked her and said I’ll call Friday which was two days later. No answer, so as well I was told my responsibilities with the solicitors and other issues regarding my relative are finished and it was a relief so I text the girl thank you for asking about my mum and being there when I talked to her about this and I’ll call Sunday at 2:00. She replied with “ no worries, talk soon “ . Not sure about the reply there . I’m not that much bothered about social media but she did unfriend on Facebook after that night of our drink together. Thing is I really like her and also see her as a very special friend to me and I just want her to be happy and safe as her past exes have been very tough and unkind towards her. I’m not like a “nice guy” when it comes to dating I speak my mind and intentions. But when issues are happening in my life it happens when I talk to her and I turn into this other character being nice and friendly and no flirting nothing. I gather this is not going to happen with her now but some way I really want it to. If anything is advisable would be much appreciated.
Stop drinking. It obviously makes you do stupid things.
You only saw this woman a few times. You are infatuated but you haven't spent enough time with her to really know her. Accept that you screwed any chance of a relationship up and move on.
Your drinking is getting in the way of your dating success. You need to take a long time out from dating anyone, to resolve your issue. You should not meet people for drinks. That's a bad idea. It's clear you knew that going into it, because you said you can't hold your liquor like you used to.
Best to switch to coffee dates, lunch dates, ice cream or desert dates, teahouses, anything but bars, in the future. For the next 6 months or even a year, focus on attending AA, and getting a grip on your alcohol overuse. Also, find a healthier way to cope with stress. Instead of buying alcohol, get a massage. (There actually is a federal program for substance abusers, that funds massages, as a way to deal with stress.) If you have deeper issues underlying your tendency toward depression, look into getting therapy.
And next time you post, please use paragraphs. It's much easier to read a long post when there are paragraphs. Some people simply won't bother reading a wall of text.
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