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You are pretty demanding. Myself, I would have found that off-putting.
Perhaps learn to control your enthusiasm about getting the woman firmly tied up and committed to you. Give her time to study you and evaluate how the relationship is going before you chain her up (and I'm not talking about in the fun way)
She just wasn't that into you, at least not as much as you were into her. And why keep asking to hold her hand? You don't need to ask anything like that.
Next time, don't start talking marriage on the second date, and stop coming across as needy and desperate. Women like confident men who know what they want and don't reveal every single aspect of their lives so soon.
He mentioned that they’re both religious so I’m not sure how much bearing that has, but I find it strange that he’s asking a teenage girl about marriage, when they’re strangers just starting to get to know one another.
I agree with others that after a few dates she decided it wasn’t what she wanted. That is the whole point of dating, that I feel gets overlooked. Agreeing to a few dates is not agreeing to a relationship leading to marriage.
I (20M) went on three dates with this girl (F18) about 2 months ago. On the first date, I had to meet her family. First date was a blast, we had a lot of fun. She asked me my political opinions, which I found a bit weird, but okay. Our values and interests align so perfectly I ask her on a second date, and she said yes with a lot of excitement. A week later, we have our second date.
Second date was good, but I feel I messed up. I told her I was looking for a serious relationship, she said she was looking for the same thing. Then I proceeded to asking her what she saw in me that made her want to go out with me, and I also said how I was looking for someone, all that desperate/needy bull****. Then I asked her if we could hold hands. She freezes for like 5 seconds, then said yes. After holding hands she asked me about the future, what my plans were, if I wanted a family, if I was able to relocate, what kind of house we are going to live in. I then asked her on a third date, which she said yes, but not with as much excitement as before.
Then a week goes by and the texting is good, flirtatious. Then she tells me how the sunset is pretty, I then text her saying that we would watch prettier sunsets together.
Midweek, and she wants to see a movie with me. I agreed, she gets all excited. Then the day of the movie comes, and she is a completely different person. She is sad, reserved, quiet, wearing a hoodie in a 90 degree weather. During the movie, I ask her if we could hold hands, which she turned down. Later she says that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, that her family was going through a hard time, and when that happens, she distances her self from others. I thought that was weird.
Then two days later, we go on a third date. She is in a better mood. We have a lot of fun, so I thought things were back to normal. So I asked her if I could hold her hand, which she said no. I said it’s all good, and just continued the date like it never happened. Then at the end I ask her out on a fourth date and she says she needs to think about it.
A week goes by of no contact, then she tells me that after praying a lot, she felt God indicating to her that we were not going to end up together, that we would end up with different people.
I asked her when she felt God telling her that. She says she felt fit between the second and third date, before the movie, which makes sense since her whole attitude changed.
And yes, we are both religious. But I don’t buy this “God told me” BS.
My question is, did I come off too strong in the second date? Did I scare her off?
I don't think so, I think from what you wrote that she was looking for the same thing and you were both asking legitimate questions that were important without wasting time. Usually the want to hold hands and show affection is if both are connected and there is chemistry and you really like each other. She seems to me to be throwing out some really confusing vibes. First she's excited, then she's not, then she is and then she uses God to let you down because she's not feeling the same way you do. She's probably not someone that is as stable as you think and you may have just dodged a great big silver bullet. Carry on!
OP, just wait 10 years. Your dates will be very different and the conversations will sound more like this.
Woman: So what are your intentions?
OP: My intentions? I intend to order a glass of wine, a nice dinner and dessert.
Woman: No. I mean, what are your intentions with me?
OP: I literally just met you.
Woman: Are you a player?
OP: Huh?
Woman: Are you? It's okay if you are. Just be a man about it. I'm over the games.
OP: No. I'm not a player.
Woman: Okay. Now that we've established that, do you have any children? How many? Do you want more? What do you do for a living? Have you been promoted recently? Master's Degree? Do you own your own house? When was your last relationship? Do you believe in spanking? Do you speak languages other than English? How many?
OP to himself: Maybe I should go on City-Data and ask for ways to scare her off
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I think after reading, this is a her issue and something that dawned on her in between date 2 & 3. I think with the religion angle and her young age asking to hold hands before doing it was reasonable. The second date about inquiring about serious relationship would be a yellow flag and concern. I know the religious angle pushes “intentional dating” but that will scare most off in the regular world. I also agree that the “God told her” was a scapegoat line to get rid of you without incident.
OP, just wait 10 years. Your dates will be very different and the conversations will sound more like this.
Woman: So what are your intentions?
OP: My intentions? I intend to order a glass of wine, a nice dinner and dessert.
Woman: No. I mean, what are your intentions with me?
OP: I literally just met you.
Woman: Are you a player?
OP: Huh?
Woman: Are you? It's okay if you are. Just be a man about it. I'm over the games.
OP: No. I'm not a player.
Woman: Okay. Now that we've established that, do you have any children? How many? Do you want more? What do you do for a living? Have you been promoted recently? Master's Degree? Do you own your own house? When was your last relationship? Do you believe in spanking? Do you speak languages other than English? How many?
OP to himself: Maybe I should go on City-Data and ask for ways to scare her off
LOL. Never heard this conversation from me or any of my friends into our 40s.
OP: Lots of guys will tell you the tables turn when you get older. Maybe a squidge. But not really enough to change things overall. I don't think I have EVER asked a guy his intentions. Heck, I didn't even know MY intentions until I got to know the guy. Some I dated, one I married, one i asked if he would be okay with FWB (he was, and we had a great time going out with his friends, my friends...).
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I don't think you did anything wrong. But who meets parents on a first date?!!!
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He mentioned that they’re both religious so I’m not sure how much bearing that has, but I find it strange that he’s asking a teenage girl about marriage, when they’re strangers just starting to get to know one another.
I agree with others that after a few dates she decided it wasn’t what she wanted. That is the whole point of dating, that I feel gets overlooked. Agreeing to a few dates is not agreeing to a relationship leading to marriage.
I never asked her about marriage. All I said is that I was looking for something serious. She is the one that asked me if I wanted a family. She is the one that started talking about husband and wife stuff, which I am all for.
I do not date just to date. I date with the intention of getting married one day down the line. Not now, but in a few years.
I don't think you did anything wrong. But who meets parents on a first date?!!!
I thought the same thing, but it was one of her requirements when I asked her out.
Her folks are good people. Me and her dad shared similar interests. It really sucks I won't ever talk to them again.
And the worse thing is that I have to work with her (fast food) every saturday. For the last month, I just say hi whenever she says hi to me. I also help her out with some random stuff, since I like to help people in general. But that's about it. Looking to her eyes hurts the crap out of me.
I thought the same thing, but it was one of her requirements when I asked her out.
Her folks are good people. Me and her dad shared similar interests. It really sucks I won't ever talk to them again.
And the worse thing is that I have to work with her (fast food) every saturday. For the last month, I just say hi whenever she says hi to me. I also help her out with some random stuff, since I like to help people in general. But that's about it. Looking to her eyes hurts the crap out of me.
I bet that's hard. She ran really hot and cold it seems, so she may have some issues you do not know of. If you did know about them, you may not like her as much.
You're young, there will be others. I know that doesn't help the hurt right now.
Our youngest boy just got his heart broken. Feelings are newer at your age, and they are "more" than when you get older (IMO).
It will get better. Best wishes.
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