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Unless you have a girlfriend and are raring to get remarried, or are hankering to date, I'd stick it out until your daughter turns 18. You might be able to put a little cash away in the meantime and really get all your ducks in a row. Also, if you still love her, try a different counselor. There are plenty out there and the one you went to might not be a good fit.
OP, coming from a divorced guy, I actually think this ^ is good advice. While I would never encourage you or anyone else to stay in a marriage that you are miserable in, if you're able to hang in there for at least 3 more years, that means you will get to see your daughter every day instead of 50% of the time (at best).
I was very unhappy for the last 10 years of my 22 year marriage. I hid it well at great personal cost but glad that I waited until all 3 of my kids were 18. My kids have thanked me as adults as it was better for them. We didn’t fight because I didn’t care anymore. I would suggest sucking it up.
I didn't read all the replies. My two cents: first, I'm sorry you're going through this. Alas, marriages aren't indestructible. Second, when I got divorced I thought it was like jumping off a cliff in the pitch black: you don't know how far you're going to fall, but when the marriage becomes too unbearable you have no choice. Third, be kind to yourself. If your kids are angry for awhile, ride it out. With time, most kids will realize that it's complicated, that your happiness matters too, and so on. Fourth, and you already know this, you're probably going to split friends, too.
I realized when I divorced my ex that it had a mathematical angle to it. I was 32. I figured, if I lived to be 80 that meant I had 48 years to go. Take out 2 years to recover from divorce...ok I'll suffer 2 years, then have 46. But if I put it off 5 years, I'd be 37. 80-37=43, minus 2 years to recover, 41. In other words, you can throw away good years hoping for a recovery that isn't going to happen. And the longer you wait, the worse the recovery time is likely to be.
OP--I have nothing to say about the decision to divorce now or to wait 2.5 years. I just wanted to say I remember your posts last fall, and I'm sorry about where you are in this.
I like one poster’s suggestion of letting your wife be the one to file, if that can work in your situation.
You need to make sure you continue to be available to your kids as much as they need. Put that ball in their court, including the youngest one.
Also, I’d say make sure you continue to show respect toward your long-time wife, the mother of your children, while in her presence and when she’s not around, and be sure to not be negative about her to your kids.
I think you need to reevaluate the “robbed in divorce” thoughts. You guys were a family for a long time, and the decision for her to stay at home was a joint one. She will likely never be able to have a salary on par with what yours is. She probably should continue to live in the family home until the youngest is out of high school. Selling at that time might be the most sensible option, since there is still a lot left on the mortgage. I think in long-time marriages, where an income disparity is quite certain due to having one spouse home with the kids, lifetime spousal support is certainly appropriate. Her having wealthy parents doesn’t negate you doing your duty.
OP, coming from a divorced guy, I actually think this ^ is good advice. While I would never encourage you or anyone else to stay in a marriage that you are miserable in, if you're able to hang in there for at least 3 more years, that means you will get to see your daughter every day instead of 50% of the time (at best).
Thanks for this input. What I was looking for in terms of real life experiences, what people have dealt with.
I was very unhappy for the last 10 years of my 22 year marriage. I hid it well at great personal cost but glad that I waited until all 3 of my kids were 18. My kids have thanked me as adults as it was better for them. We didn’t fight because I didn’t care anymore. I would suggest sucking it up.
Thanks for the feedback. I'm at a point right now as well, that I don't care anymore.
OP--I have nothing to say about the decision to divorce now or to wait 2.5 years. I just wanted to say I remember your posts last fall, and I'm sorry about where you are in this.
Thanks if you are a praying person please send some prayers, if not I would gladly accept some positive energy :-)
I like one poster’s suggestion of letting your wife be the one to file, if that can work in your situation.
You need to make sure you continue to be available to your kids as much as they need. Put that ball in their court, including the youngest one.
Also, I’d say make sure you continue to show respect toward your long-time wife, the mother of your children, while in her presence and when she’s not around, and be sure to not be negative about her to your kids.
I think you need to reevaluate the “robbed in divorce” thoughts. You guys were a family for a long time, and the decision for her to stay at home was a joint one. She will likely never be able to have a salary on par with what yours is. She probably should continue to live in the family home until the youngest is out of high school. Selling at that time might be the most sensible option, since there is still a lot left on the mortgage. I think in long-time marriages, where an income disparity is quite certain due to having one spouse home with the kids, lifetime spousal support is certainly appropriate. Her having wealthy parents doesn’t negate you doing your duty.
Thanks for the advice. Yes, you are spot on with making sure I am respectful to my wife, and not talking about her to the kids. It's crazy we are in this situation now, but I guess it is what it is. I need to look forward. Whatever that is...
We are more or less roommates now.
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