how to explain divorce to your kids when it's not even your divorce (daycare, custody)
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So here's the thing my brother in law is getting a divorce and my kids are having a hard time understanding why they probably wont be seeing their aunt anymore or why she doesn't like their mommy anymore my kids are 6&4 and my soon to be ex sister in law hates me because of a custody fight I was inadvertently invovled in what do I say?
might as well teach them that life isn't perfect and there isn't any easy way to fix everything. They are going to have to deal with many disappoints in their lives and while this sucks they will eventually understand and appreciate the truth. These probably won't be the 1st people they encounter with divorced parents.
My son has a classmate whose parents are not together and we had to explain that not everyone lives with their mommy and daddy. I noticed a book in his daycare class (4yr old room) about Going to Daddy's for the Weekend or something like that. It may be written in a better way for kids.
When in doubt, tell them the truth. In fact, even when there is no doubt, probably better to tell them the truth.
It doesn't need to be sugar coated, just explain what divorce is in simple language, reinforce that you and your husband aren't getting one, let them ask questions and let it be.
Odd ... my 7-year-old asked me today what it was when married people aren't married anymore. We talked about it a little bit. I think it's important to reassure small children (probably big ones, too) that they have a secure home and family. Divorce can be alien and scary to a little kid, even if it's other people's, and he might be wondering, "Can that happen to ME?"
When my oldest was about 4 he was very startled to find out that "the daddy" didn't live in the house with the mommy and kids when visiting my SIL. I think we said something very simple like "sometimes the mommy and daddy don't live together." We didn't go into why, but I suppose we could have said that they don't get along so it's better for them to have their own houses. Don't use the word "hate." Don't blame one or the other.
If your oldest is six, she or he has already heard about divorce from kids at school.
This is how I would explain it: Have you noticed anything about your Aunt and Uncle lately? Sometimes when married people stop getting along, they decide not to live together anymore. Then they get a divorce. That's what your Uncle and Aunt are doing, and we may not see your aunt as much anymore, because when people get divorces, they get hurt feelings, and they don't want to be around each other. Sometimes married couples will argue or yell at each other, and that's normal. It doesn't mean that they're getting a divorce or that they don't like each other anymore. But when a couple disagrees all the time, like Uncle and Aunt, then sometimes they decide they will be happier if they don't live together anymore. It's very sad but it happens sometimes.
Undoubtedly at this point your kids will ask if you and your husband have ever wanted a divorce...that's the time to reassure them and tell them that even if you disagree sometimes, you always manage to work it out because you love each other and your kids.
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