What advice do you guys have for a 25 year old single mom with whose child’s father doesn’t help like he should? (women, cheating)
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Me and my child’s father didn’t work out as a couple. The three years we were together were rocky. It started off with him cheating, being abusive in so many ways but physically was the worse. I always forgave him and pretty much showed him I accepted those things each time I would leave just to go back to him and in the midst of that I got pregnant last year and had our son last year in October. I tried to make it work with him again after leaving him my entire pregnancy for him hitting on me while I was pregnant. Although the physical abuse stopped after I decided to make the family thing work and give us yet another chance, he was still hurtful and controlling in other ways. He has never done much for our son outside of buying him things when I tell him he needs it, though I can get it myself, it wouldn’t hurt for him to just randomly buy diapers, wipes, clothes without me asking. He does so little. He does the bare minimum but will get on social media and post on his stories flashing money and making post about not being broke and how he’s “Saving money” and fixing his credit score but he won’t do for his son unless I tell him what he needs when he knows what he needs on a consistent bases. Diapers and wipes. He’ll ask “Are you guys good and straight?” Knowing it’s always gonna be something he needs as a baby and it frustrates me very badly. At first I would speak up and tell him exactly what he needed when he would ask that but it got to a point where I realized he doesn’t really care. He only ask that to make himself feel like he’s doing something. He’s so focused on me no longer wanting to be with him and saying I “Changed” and “Switched up” on him all because I chose myself once and for all. He’s so focused on getting with the next woman and getting with someone more “real” now that I’m out the picture rather than genuinely being there for his son. He’ll come see him for a hour and two. He’ll hold him, fake play with him and entertain him, sit him down and then leave.
Why not just get court-ordered child support based on his income and be done interacting with your child’s abusive dad? He sounds like he won’t be the best role model anyway.
Why not just get court-ordered child support based on his income and be done interacting with your child’s abusive dad? He sounds like he won’t be the best role model anyway.
This is the only and best answer. Sadly, you may be tied to this bum until the child is grown in terms of visitation and child support. Just remember to learn from your mistake.
Anyone could tell that guy would not be a good father, and he is not, and he never will be.
The best you can hope for is child support, and he sounds like the type of guy who will quit his job to prevent child support.
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Me and my child’s father didn’t work out as a couple. The three years we were together were rocky. It started off with him cheating, being abusive in so many ways but physically was the worse. I always forgave him and pretty much showed him I accepted those things each time I would leave just to go back to him and in the midst of that I got pregnant last year and had our son last year in October. I tried to make it work with him again after leaving him my entire pregnancy for him hitting on me while I was pregnant. Although the physical abuse stopped after I decided to make the family thing work and give us yet another chance, he was still hurtful and controlling in other ways. He has never done much for our son outside of buying him things when I tell him he needs it, though I can get it myself, it wouldn’t hurt for him to just randomly buy diapers, wipes, clothes without me asking. He does so little. He does the bare minimum but will get on social media and post on his stories flashing money and making post about not being broke and how he’s “Saving money” and fixing his credit score but he won’t do for his son unless I tell him what he needs when he knows what he needs on a consistent bases. Diapers and wipes. He’ll ask “Are you guys good and straight?” Knowing it’s always gonna be something he needs as a baby and it frustrates me very badly. At first I would speak up and tell him exactly what he needed when he would ask that but it got to a point where I realized he doesn’t really care. He only ask that to make himself feel like he’s doing something. He’s so focused on me no longer wanting to be with him and saying I “Changed” and “Switched up” on him all because I chose myself once and for all. He’s so focused on getting with the next woman and getting with someone more “real” now that I’m out the picture rather than genuinely being there for his son. He’ll come see him for a hour and two. He’ll hold him, fake play with him and entertain him, sit him down and then leave.
My advice would be to focus on you and not the child's father. With that said, can you support this child emotionally and financially without dad's help? If the answer is no, then it's time to get to a place where you can. Child support (when the other parent is truly a deadbeat) often brings more trouble than its worth. The good men overpay on child support; the real deadbeats pay little or nothing at all by quitting jobs, working under the table, and sandbagging their income potential. You'd be better off getting your own money through further education or through finding your child a decent step father (or both). Good luck!
Why not just get court-ordered child support based on his income and be done interacting with your child’s abusive dad? He sounds like he won’t be the best role model anyway.
And have the state process the support payment so that he has to submit it to the state and they submit it to the OP.
Me and my child’s father didn’t work out as a couple. The three years we were together were rocky. It started off with him cheating, being abusive in so many ways but physically was the worse. I always forgave him and pretty much showed him I accepted those things each time I would leave just to go back to him and in the midst of that I got pregnant last year and had our son last year in October. I tried to make it work with him again after leaving him my entire pregnancy for him hitting on me while I was pregnant. Although the physical abuse stopped after I decided to make the family thing work and give us yet another chance, he was still hurtful and controlling in other ways. He has never done much for our son outside of buying him things when I tell him he needs it, though I can get it myself, it wouldn’t hurt for him to just randomly buy diapers, wipes, clothes without me asking. He does so little. He does the bare minimum but will get on social media and post on his stories flashing money and making post about not being broke and how he’s “Saving money” and fixing his credit score but he won’t do for his son unless I tell him what he needs when he knows what he needs on a consistent bases. Diapers and wipes. He’ll ask “Are you guys good and straight?” Knowing it’s always gonna be something he needs as a baby and it frustrates me very badly. At first I would speak up and tell him exactly what he needed when he would ask that but it got to a point where I realized he doesn’t really care. He only ask that to make himself feel like he’s doing something. He’s so focused on me no longer wanting to be with him and saying I “Changed” and “Switched up” on him all because I chose myself once and for all. He’s so focused on getting with the next woman and getting with someone more “real” now that I’m out the picture rather than genuinely being there for his son. He’ll come see him for a hour and two. He’ll hold him, fake play with him and entertain him, sit him down and then leave.
Why not just get court-ordered child support based on his income and be done interacting with your child’s abusive dad? He sounds like he won’t be the best role model anyway.
This. Stop expecting anything from him. Stop asking him for anything. Instead, go through the system and have a judge tell him what he's going to do.
Do you have any documentation or witnesses, that he was physically abusive? Did you ever call a women's shelter? If so, present that in court. Get a lawyer, so the child's father can't demand 50% custody. (He will eventually become an abusive father, and shouldn't be trusted.) Stop playing "nice" and being conciliatory. Instead, be firm and businesslike. If you get a lawyer, you won't have to communicate with the father at all, because the lawyer (and the court judge) will.
You've been a doormat to an abuser, and this is what it got you. Why continue the behavior that clearly hasn't worked for you? Get real, and be real. It's time to learn to be firm with people who push you around and harm you. If your mother raised you to always be nice, she was wrong, very wrong. Lose the "nice girl" programming, and face reality.
Where are your parents? If you're not able to support yourself and the baby, see if you can move in with them. If you have a good support system, that will put you in a stronger position in court. Maybe your parents will be able to pay for a lawyer. Or you could call a women's shelter, and see if they know any lawyers that lower their fees or work pro bono.
He was a bad partner and you shouldn't be surprised that he's a bad father. Be glad he isn't spending a lot of time with the child. Go to court for child support. Focus on improving the life of your child and yourself. You aren't going to change the baby daddy. Don't waste the time and effort.
What advice do you guys have for a 25 year old single mom with whose child’s father doesn’t help like he should?
Don't expect that to change.
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