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Been married to the same woman since I was 19, now 42. Basically it has been a good marriage with the exception of one area....you guessed it, sexless.
She was molested as a child and while obviosuly I've been very understanding (married 23 years) I am a man. I want and need sex, she does not like it, much at all. We do have it, but only about once every 3 months and it is always the same old thing. Me on top, till finished. She is a woman who does not like foreplay of any type. In fact, she is totally turned off by it. This includes all areas of foreplay. I should just be ready, when we are going to have it. The amazing thing is, she always has the BIG O during intercourse.
In all other areas, she is the best wife and I love her dearly. But being male, there is really only one thing I've ever wanted in return...SEX. And it ain't gonna happen! I have done everything for this women and feel like like I've been ripped off, to be honest. Now that I'm older and the sex drive has deminshed some, it is somewhat easier, but damn, my twenties were a VERY rough and tempting time.
Who am I? A very passionate, creative, attentive, caring, physically fit guy, and easy on the eyes. Women look at me all the time and I know I would be very good at all apsects of lovemaking if ever given the chance.
I've thought about paying for it, but never have. Thought about having an affair, but feel the guilt before I even try and never have...yet. But as I age, I wonder and wonder what it would be like to have an all-out open sexual relationship with a woman, compatible to my sexuality.
And to those who say, keep trying, talk to her, and so on. Been there, done that 5 millions times and trust me when I say, nothing it ever going to change.
The amazing thing is, she always has the BIG O during intercourse.
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Are you sure about that? The scenario you're describing makes it difficult to believe that she enjoys anything about sex. I know you don't want to hear "work it out" kinda stuff.... but has she ever seen a sex therapist? Sex is VERY important in a marriage and I can't imagine going to bed with someone every night and not ever (or every three months) having sex. Cheating isn't the answer though for many reasons.
Been married to the same woman since I was 19, now 42. Basically it has been a good marriage with the exception of one area....you guessed it, sexless.
She was molested as a child and while obviosuly I've been very understanding (married 23 years) I am a man. I want and need sex, she does not like it, much at all. We do have it, but only about once every 3 months and it is always the same old thing. Me on top, till finished. She is a woman who does not like foreplay of any type. In fact, she is totally turned off by it. This includes all areas of foreplay. I should just be ready, when we are going to have it. The amazing thing is, she always has the BIG O during intercourse.
In all other areas, she is the best wife and I love her dearly. But being male, there is really only one thing I've ever wanted in return...SEX. And it ain't gonna happen! I have done everything for this women and feel like like I've been ripped off, to be honest. Now that I'm older and the sex drive has deminshed some, it is somewhat easier, but damn, my twenties were a VERY rough and tempting time.
Who am I? A very passionate, creative, attentive, caring, physically fit guy, and easy on the eyes. Women look at me all the time and I know I would be very good at all apsects of lovemaking if ever given the chance.
I've thought about paying for it, but never have. Thought about having an affair, but feel the guilt before I even try and never have...yet. But as I age, I wonder and wonder what it would be like to have an all-out open sexual relationship with a woman, compatible to my sexuality.
And to those who say, keep trying, talk to her, and so on. Been there, done that 5 millions times and trust me when I say, nothing it ever going to change.
She needs some intensive therapy, and your total support while she gets it. Which means she has to be very secure in the fact that you love her enough to never go outside your marriage - believe me, she is already afraid you will. Before you do something as drastic and damaging as that, get her a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse, particularly one with EMDR training for post traumatic stress. This kind of therapy could make a world of difference and give you the kind of life together you'd both love to have.
With this many years of marriage involved and the fact that you "love her dearly", do this FIRST. Cheating is so much easier, but why throw all your integrity to the wind when there could be help available?
My ex husbands Mom and Dad never had sex either. I guess his Mom thought that sex was for having kids, and thats it.
He went without it for 20 some years, and then just decided that he missed it, so they divorced. I`m thinking that he told me that his Dad did have an affair at the end, and thats when he knew he had to move on.
I'm always curious about first time posters who find this part of city-data and then post a whammy. Odds are against it being random.
I like to give all posters the benefit of the doubt until they show their true colors If he's for real, maybe something we say can help. If he's a troll, we'll see it soon enough.
You need to be mature and stand by your wife. If you know your wife was molested then you should be a bit more understanding. Sex and love are two different things. Your wife needs therapy but for you to want an affair or to think about a hooker cannot even compare to the pain your wife has lived w/ since she was a child.
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If he's for real, maybe something we say can help. If he's a troll, we'll see it soon enough.
