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Although I'm not in a huge rush to settle down (pretty sure I don't want to have kids) I would love to meet someone special. The thing is that when I was younger I had a medical condition that made me gain a lot of weight. So through much of my 20s I was what many people wouldn't consider a "catch" since I was both heavy and insecure.
Now that this condition has been treated and I've become a workout fiend, I get compliments on my body all of the time and get a lot of attention from men. (I know this sounds funny but it's true...people never guess that I used to be heavy.) But the opposite thing has seemed to happen...now I get attention from men who are drawn by physical attraction and don't seem to be interested in me as a person! The "nice" guys seem intimidated and mostly the more confident, arrogant player types are the ones who approach me most often.
I'm not complaining, as I feel more confident about my looks now and definitely prefer for others to see me as attractive. However, I feel like because of my past weight problems I missed the window of time (mid 20s) when most every man who actually desires to settle down was doing it! Most men my age are married or in a committed relationship and I believe that the ones who aren't are single because they don't want to be "tied down." Has anyone else dealt with similar issues?
Also, how can I meet more quality men? Sometimes this really gets to me. I'm tired of going out on a dates where the guy promises me the sun, moon and stars but quickly loses interest when I don't put out early on
Although I'm not in a huge rush to settle down (pretty sure I don't want to have kids) I would love to meet someone special. The thing is that when I was younger I had a medical condition that made me gain a lot of weight. So through much of my 20s I was what many people wouldn't consider a "catch" since I was both heavy and insecure.
Now that this condition has been treated and I've become a workout fiend, I get compliments on my body all of the time and get a lot of attention from men. (This sounds funny but it's really true...people never guess that I used to be heavy, probably because I work out so much.) But the opposite thing has seemed to happen...now I get attention from men who are drawn by physical attraction and don't seem to be interested in me as a person! Also, the "nice" guys seem intimidated and mostly the more confident, arrogant player types are the ones who approach me most often.
I'm not complaining, as I definitely prefer for others to see me as attractive. However, I feel like I missed the window of time (mid 20s) when everyone was settling down with someone special because of my past weight problems. Most people my age are married or in a committed relationship. Has anyone else dealt with similar issues?
Also, how can I meet more quality men? Sometimes this really gets to me. I'm tired of going out on a dates where the guy promises me the sun, moon and stars but quickly loses interest when I don't put out early on
The boat those "seamen" were on you want to have missed anyway
There ARE good men out there, so don't sell yourself short. You have plenty of time to find one or be found by one. Continue to spend your time becoming the best YOU, you can be. Develop some new interests and become an even more interesting person. All this will aid you in being most likely to attract a man who sees the value in a woman just like you in his life Just remember, it's most likely to happen when you are not out searching for it but just busy living your life and concentrating on the other people and things in it!
It really depends on the man you are dating actually. I know some guys who are in their 40s and never want to have children yet others who are still holding out for the one.
Im in my mid twenties and it seems like all the guys I'm dating are just out to have fun. Marriage and kids are far away for them as they are at a period where promotions and bachelorhood take priority over my egg count.
Although I'm not in a huge rush to settle down (pretty sure I don't want to have kids) I would love to meet someone special. The thing is that when I was younger I had a medical condition that made me gain a lot of weight. So through much of my 20s I was what many people wouldn't consider a "catch" since I was both heavy and insecure.
Now that this condition has been treated and I've become a workout fiend, I get compliments on my body all of the time and get a lot of attention from men. (I know this sounds funny but it's true...people never guess that I used to be heavy.) But the opposite thing has seemed to happen...now I get attention from men who are drawn by physical attraction and don't seem to be interested in me as a person! The "nice" guys seem intimidated and mostly the more confident, arrogant player types are the ones who approach me most often.
I'm not complaining, as I feel more confident about my looks now and definitely prefer for others to see me as attractive. However, I feel like because of my past weight problems I missed the window of time (mid 20s) when most every man who actually desires to settle down was doing it! Most men my age are married or in a committed relationship and I believe that the ones who aren't are single because they don't want to be "tied down." Has anyone else dealt with similar issues?
Also, how can I meet more quality men? Sometimes this really gets to me. I'm tired of going out on a dates where the guy promises me the sun, moon and stars but quickly loses interest when I don't put out early on
Hate to break it to you, Mintchip, but it tends to get worse with age?! The same men who were married and in "committed" relationships....now in their 40s and 50s are divorced and are very bitter towards women in general. But to be fair the women are bitter and p*ssed off too,LOL.
Finding quality men? well, i guess it depends on your standards.........if you like intelligent men, ya gotta go where they hang out.......
I only met one man i would have ever made me consider marrying again. Seven beautiful years and it didn't work out. To this day I have no idea why? a question mark that will hang over my head forever.
I've had the worst and best in relationships so i don't blame you for attempting the experience.............as for me?!...........it's all about financial security now!
...........double sigh...............
Last edited by overtaxedunderpaided; 06-30-2008 at 04:25 AM..
Reason: spelling
Ohhh no this conversation is very depressing I think you have to start living your life instead of being focused on settling down. Enjoy yourself because you only live once. You say you missed out on your 20's because of insecurities. Don't miss out on your 30's, 40's or 50's just because your waiting for the right man to come along because I hate to say it but he may never come alongl. If it happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't just make sure you enjoy yourself.
I dont think there is an age cut off for anything. If you want a relationship go out and grab a shy guy. You dont have to sit there and wait for someone to come to you. Its not the 50's...lol
Everyone I really liked and stayed on good terms with after a relationship ended was one that I picked out. Also shy guys.
If you dont want people to notice your body...dont show it off. Pretty simple on that one.
I think that you need to be the one to take the initiative with the types of guys that you do think that you might have an interest in, and show them just how "attractive" your personality really is. After all, that's what the "quality" guys like the most anyway, right?
If you think that you know the type that you're looking for, then be assertive enough to make a favorable impression once you think that you may have located him. Don't hesitate to go out of your way and take a risk. So what if you fail? Don't wait for Mr. Right to just happen along, go out and hunt down that special guy just like a female lion would. Use all of your cunning and then...roar! See if that stimulus is powerful enough to motivate the right guy where ever he's found.
It is a debilitating trap to fall into of "all the good ones are taken" or "I missed the window of time when I could have met mr right" because those types of negative beliefs are entirely self-fulfilling.
Change your thinking to something like "there are wonderful companions for me at every age and stage of my life" and "I have my choice of wonderful sweethearts who value and respect and cherish me."
Our beliefs are very powerful. What we believe creates our reality. When you believe it, you will see it in your life.
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