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For me it all comes down to if i'm in love with the person. I cheated on my ex-husband, i was married for 10yrs, whatever love i felt for him was dead shortly after we were married, however i did not cheat on him until the end of my marriage, it was wrong but it happened, i had total control of it and i chose to do it, i wasn't in love with him anymore so i didn't care. I wish i would've left him early on instead of being with someone that i didn't love for so long.
Would i ever cheat again?.............no........if i'm no longer in love with the person i am with, then it's time to walk away. For the first time in my life i am completely in love with the person i am with today, it hasn't all been smooth sailing but what relationship is? I have no need nor desire to look elsewhere.
Am i capable of cheating.........hell yes, of course, but i will never again stay in a relationship where i am not happy therefore if i felt the need to cheat that means to me that i am not happy with the person i am with and i rather leave than do something like that again.
I am not a person that is tempted by lust................i am a person that is tempted by love.
Again, because I actually believe people are fallible and shouldn't trust in their own virtue, I'm pontificating. That's a total non sequiter on your part.
Have you really ever been in a situation where it could happen? Again, everybody likes to believe they'd do the right thing during a plane crash or a car wreck or any other hypothetical situation. But nobody really knows what will happen until they're tested. And you're putting a lot of stock in your own purity. It's called hubris.
You may believe that no one is capable of controlling themselves sexually, but that's not true.
Yes, I've been in a situation where it could have happened. If I hadn't been in a relationship at the time, I would have been very interested in the man. However, it never went anywhere, not even so much as a kiss, because I was committed to someone. Even though it was obvious at the time that the relationship I was in was not going to survive, I still didn't allow anything to happen.
You can call me whatever you want, but the fact remains, I take my promises seriously. I take my wedding vows very seriously. I vowed to be faithful to my husband, and I will honor that vow. Whether or not you believe that is really irrelevant.
You may believe that no one is capable of controlling themselves sexually, but that's not true.
Yes, I've been in a situation where it could have happened. If I hadn't been in a relationship at the time, I would have been very interested in the man. However, it never went anywhere, not even so much as a kiss, because I was committed to someone. Even though it was obvious at the time that the relationship I was in was not going to survive, I still didn't allow anything to happen.
You can call me whatever you want, but the fact remains, I take my promises seriously. I take my wedding vows very seriously. I vowed to be faithful to my husband, and I will honor that vow. Whether or not you believe that is really irrelevant.
Bully for you. Lots of people take their vows seriously, and pledge to honor those vows with sincerity and determination, yet wind up in a situation where they don't. I don't know why this is such a hard concept for you. Are you so sure of yourself, that you believe you will not cheat in any situation with any man under any condition whatsoever? If so, you're indulging in wishful thinking.
More to the point, in a situation where such things are possible, who is better off? Someone who is fully aware that anybody can cheat, including themselves, or somebody who blithely trusts in their own righteousness?
Yes, I'm THAT sure of myself. I will not cheat in any situation. I have too much respect for my husband, and myself, to do that.
You know, some people are capable of practicing a little self-control.
It's not a difficult concept for me to believe that some people wind up in a situation where they don't honor their vows. I'm not stupid. However, I don't presume to speak for anyone else. I only speak for myself, as I'm the only one I am able to speak for. That goes for you, too. You can't speak for me, or for anyone else. You can accurately state that people in general are capable of it, but you cannot state that I would actually do it.
As for who is better off, it's not for me to decide. It's not even any of my business, and frankly, I don't care.
Yes, I'm THAT sure of myself. I will not cheat in any situation. I have too much respect for my husband, and myself, to do that.
You know, some people are capable of practicing a little self-control.
It's not a difficult concept for me to believe that some people wind up in a situation where they don't honor their vows. I'm not stupid. However, I don't presume to speak for anyone else. I only speak for myself, as I'm the only one I am able to speak for. That goes for you, too. You can't speak for me, or for anyone else. You can accurately state that people in general are capable of it, but you cannot state that I would actually do it.
Yeah, I'm one of those self-control people. At the same time, self-awareness is a great thing, as opposed to this conceit you carry around in your heart. Before getting married, our church counseling class was very specific on the subject: Anybody is capable of it. Don't think that you're immune to it, because you're not. I tend to subscribe to that view, because it's always a good idea to know one's limitations rather than subscribe to an undue belief in your own nobility.
Bully for you. Lots of people take their vows seriously, and pledge to honor those vows with sincerity and determination, yet wind up in a situation where they don't. I don't know why this is such a hard concept for you. Are you so sure of yourself, that you believe you will not cheat in any situation with any man under any condition whatsoever? If so, you're indulging in wishful thinking.
More to the point, in a situation where such things are possible, who is better off? Someone who is fully aware that anybody can cheat, including themselves, or somebody who blithely trusts in their own righteousness?
cpg; I don't really get what you are looking for out of this conversation? Are you hoping that Claire_F is going to come back to you and admit that she is wrong and would cheat after all?
I don't really get what you are trying to get out of this. It does sound like you are somewhat trying to get everyone else to 'admit' that deep down they really agree with you.
Whilst I do often agree with the things you say, I don't really agree with this.
I do have control over my own actions and can make decisions about what I would do. I can see your point about the 5 years of no sex and no affection. Could I then change my position? Maybe, but I doubt it. I would rather end the marriage than bring ina third party. So I feel that I can say that cheating isn't something that I would do.
Maybe you will be proved right and a situation could arise where I lose all control of my senses, but I doubt it.
What is truth to you, may not be truth to everyone and that's ok, right?
cpg; I don't really get what you are looking for out of this conversation? Are you hoping that Claire_F is going to come back to you and admit that she is wrong and would cheat after all?
I don't really get what you are trying to get out of this. It does sound like you are somewhat trying to get everyone else to 'admit' that deep down they really agree with you.
Whilst I do often agree with the things you say, I don't really agree with this.
I do have control over my own actions and can make decisions about what I would do. I can see your point about the 5 years of no sex and no affection. Could I then change my position? Maybe, but I doubt it. I would rather end the marriage than bring ina third party. So I feel that I can say that cheating isn't something that I would do.
Maybe you will be proved right and a situation could arise where I lose all control of my senses, but I doubt it.
What is truth to you, may not be truth to everyone and that's ok, right?
I guess I just keep hoping that people will admit to being human and fallible, rather than simply say, "I would never...." Because in my experience, people who say, "I would never..." to ANYTHING have a tendency to eventually be proven wrong.
Yeah, I'm one of those self-control people. At the same time, self-awareness is a great thing, as opposed to this conceit you carry around in your heart. Before getting married, our church counseling class was very specific on the subject: Anybody is capable of it. Don't think that you're immune to it, because you're not. I tend to subscribe to that view, because it's always a good idea to know one's limitations rather than subscribe to an undue belief in your own nobility.
Ach; all this holier than thou "I'm more self aware than you are" stuff is BS. Just cause your church said it was so doesn't make it so.
Are you kidding? Who in their right mind would confess anything to this bunch of Calvinists?
No I meant religious leaders should know, because they have people coming to them to confess such acts. I don't expect anyone to confess here that they have, had or plan to cheat. I simple know that it happens and 99% of people who have cheated have stated at one point that they would NEVER cheat (just look at our poll). And I'm in no way saying that people who say they won't will, I'm saying that I agree with you that most...if not all people who have cheated have stated that they never would.
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