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Agreed. Either fight for eachother until you win or wimp out and steal the money. Separation is just one step for divorce. Calling it a trial is just decorating the word.
Let's see, the OP describes her spouse as a despressive who drinks too much and doesn't hold a job and that there are other problematic issues too distressing to outline. Attempts at marriage counseling haven't remedied the situation. Sounds like her husband isn't "fighting for each other".
So, would you want to stay in a relationship long term under those circumstances if you were feeling drained and dragged down each day? Should she continue to do so under the circumstances?
If the OP were to end such an unhappy relationship, is it wimping out? Is it stealing the money if the husband isn't even bringing money in regularly?
Is it wrong to separate to get the perspective some personal distance gives and to see things a little more clearly? Would that not allow one to make a more reasoned and less emotional decision? Would it be any harder for her, her husband or family if a divorce did follow the separation than it would be for the OP to summarily leave to seek a divorce?
When is it okay to separate? When is it okay to divorce?
As far as what the OP said.. trials wind up in a judgement... the writing is already on the wall.. just read it and act accordingly... no such thing as a trial seperation.. they never work...
I sometimes don't know if I stay because I'm more afraid of being alone, or if I don't want to admit failure, or if it's really love. Often I think love was drowned out between depression, drinking, an emotional affair (his) when the chips between us were way down and we weren't communicating and he simply thought we were over as if that's an excuse.
I'm tired of feeling like I do all the work around the house, outside the house, raising the kids and so forth. Then sometimes I think maybe I'm just playing martyr.
I think a separation might let me think clearly about what I really want. We're on our 3rd round of counseling and I've been seeing my own counselor but I'm no closer to a decision.
It's very difficult to maintain love in the absence of nurturance. And it's perfectly normal to fear being alone and to not want to admit failure.
Until you sort things out regarding leaving, it's important to make sure you plan for funds to survive on your own. Also, cultivate relationships with trustworthy friends and family members. You'll need extra emotional support as will your children. Avoid jumping into a new relationship which is a natural draw when you're feeling empty, weak and alone but is usually a recipe for compounding your troubles if entered into too soon.
If your therapist hasn't had you do a pros and cons list for leaving and also one for staying, that is a good,simple step to help you look at things somewhat practically.
It's always painful and confusing making such a personal and difficult decision. Best wishes for for finding the strength to reach what feels like the best choice for you and your children.
If you think you need a "trial separation" you should just go ahead and get divorced. I predict that its in your future anyway. Couples with happy successful marriages dont have "trial separations". Either make it work (but both parties need to want it to work) or cut your losses and get divorced.
I think that this is horrible advice. Clearly DaBeez is dillusional or hasn't truly lived life yet. Marriages have ups and downs especially marriages with a depressed spouse. If you are going to separate I suggest having rules like no seeing other people. You can work on your marriage while not living under the same roof. It's better to step back before you do get so fet up you want to divorce.
Many things might happen during this trial separation period.
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eyes notwithstanding...
