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I'm starting to think most of the people who advised the OP not to tell on that other thread are either men or have cheated themselves.
I'm a bit confused myself - the results here don't seem to mesh with the advice there. Most people would want to know themselves, but wouldn't do someone else the courtesy of letting them know. Hmm...
Because that would require them being a shoulder to cry on and being a real friend that brings over way too much chocolate therapy at 3 am via phone request?
Maybe?
Just going with the whole selfish thinking theme about the subject....
Thats the vibe it gives me.
"Screw the world and its well being its all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I would want somone to tell me yes. However, as you can see, not everyone would want to know .....even if you are somone who would want to know how do you know the person you would be telling is one of the "want to know" ppl....what if they are the "don't want to know" type??. If it were somone I was close enough to and I knew them well enough I would definitly tell them.
We have a saying back in St. Olaf that roughly translates to: I'd rather share a steak with my neighbor than have a hamburger all to myself. I certainly don't care to hear about the sharing, though, and of course ideally it shouldn't happen. However, if it does come down to such a choice, I might wanna have the steak… On the other hand, perhaps I think so because I haven't had any prior problems with infidelity. I might change my tune if I face it for real...
(moved from other thread)
Don't worry, you don't need to lose faith. There are only a handful of people on here answering, most people in society love butting into other's business, breaking up relationships, getting revenge and sitting by watching smugly as they break someone's heart.
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstoner
I'm starting to think most of the people who advised the OP not to tell on that other thread are either men or have cheated themselves.
I advised not to tell. I'm not a man or a cheater. So regarding the other thread. First of all, I don't believe we are getting the whole story. How a woman can go an entire year dating someone and not know he is married and/or getting married is just plain weird to me. I know for myself, not ever going to his home, meeting his family, having his home number, spending nights at his home sure would raise a big red flag for me.
But anyway, back to the topic, as someone who has lived through two situations where a friend was told of the spouse cheating, it NEVER turns out good, friends are lost, horrible things are said that can never be taken back, there is always resentment and the spouse always goes back - the person who thinks they are being a friend by telling usually ends up being the worst off. If I wanted to inform all the spouses that I know of that are cheating I would be on the phone all day long leaving a long trail of broken hearts and broken families. The OP was in a bad situation, it is the husband's responsibility to fess up to the affair, not hers. Besides, I've said this many times on here before and I'll say it again. Nobody knows what goes on inside a marriage.
And to the OP on this post about wanting to know. I would want to know from my spouse, not from some random girl on the phone who is gonna give me dates and times, now if you have photos - maybe that would be different. I agree with Miu, maybe a random note, but still I don't think any woman is going to believe this without concrete proof.
Where's Shuke? I'm sure he has something good to add to this thread.
If your significant other was cheating on you, would you want someone to tell you?
So many are advising not to get involved in others relationships, but I know for me that I would want to know the truth. Not knowing would be living a lie and I would want to know and make any decisions based on informed knowledge.
So, if your SO were cheating on you and your SO isn't going to fess up themselves, would you want someone else to tell you, be it a friend, family member, or the other woman/ other man?
Yes, I would want to know, more for the health hazard purposes (ehm, possible diseases that the cheating spouse/ SO may bring home via intercourse outside the marriage/ relationship), but also, of course, for the betrayal purposes.
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I certainly don't care to hear about the sharing, though, and of course ideally it shouldn't happen. However, if it does come down to such a choice, I might wanna have the steak… On the other hand, perhaps I think so because I haven't had any prior problems with infidelity. I might change my tune if I face it for real...
I agree with Miu, maybe a random note, but still I don't think any woman is going to believe this without concrete proof.
