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Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,032,217 times
Reputation: 2304
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Hey guys, so I have a question & I hope it's not a stupid one. I've been dating this man off & on since July. I'm 21, a virgin, and a college student graduating in May, I will be an elementary school teacher & he's 40, an engineer, & unmarried. Furthermore, he is a gentleman & has made a good life for himself here in the States. He is very respectful but sometimes he acts a little possessive & one time we had an argument & he got a little short-tempered which was a little scary..
Anyway, I've broken up w/ him twice because he didn't want to tell me his age but each time we've made up (the 2nd time I gave him a chance, & the 3rd time it was the generic "Merry Christmas" text that lead me to fall for him again), he brings me flowers, Indian sweets, and other little gifts (CD's, gift cards). This Saturday we reunited after 2 months of being apart & he brought me some expensive perfume that he'd purchased. At first I didn't want to accept his gift, but I did & I felt bad for doing so...even though he's caused a lot of the issues in the relationship...
But even when I broke up w/ him, he had been talking of marriage & things like that & asked if I was ready for a long-term commitment & on Saturday he was saying that he wanted me to go to India with him in February & I'm just wondering if he's serious. He has not yet met my family & his immediate family is in India.
My questions are:
-is a 40 yr old unmarried guy really serious about a 21 yr old girl who has dumped him twice & brings her gifts really serious about her?
-he calls me a "friend" but has used "girlfriend" interchangeably, how does he REALLY see me?
-is he serious about marriage or is he just blowing smoke up my butt?
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,032,217 times
Reputation: 2304
^^^Yes, so far I've just been taking it step by step. Please don't judge me on this topic, I am not a golddigger. He has offered to help me (financially) but I have NEVER taken anything from him. EVER. I just thought I'd preface that for future reference.
Run away quickly. Research Indian marriages. Run faster.
I don't think all Indian marriages are terrible - but some Indian women living here say they won't marry a man from there, even when their parents have one all ready and waiting for them.
If you are not Indian, I would be concerned about this situation. Outside of the fact that there will be cultural differences, you may be at odds with the new inlaws from day 1, b/c you're not Indian. And if you separate, and he takes the kids to India to "visit Grandma and Grandpa", and then never returns....
You're only 21. I wouldn't rush anything yet. If he wants to take you to India, he is getting serious. But take your time and make sure this is what you want, forever.
To me it sounds like he's serious about marriage, some of the on and off stuff may have been him thinking about some of the cultural aspects of a marriage with a non-Indian.
If you want, go ahead, meet his family, make sure he meets yours, study up, make sure it's what's right. Be careful though. Make sure you understand the expectations, your role and so on.
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,032,217 times
Reputation: 2304
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
I would also be very careful about that large age gap. That works for some but think long and hard about it for yourself.
Right, I'm completely aware of the age difference. In fact, I think it plays a huge part in our relationship. I am pretty mature about it though, I did not seek him out. The whole thing just kind of happened...
That being said, what is this stuff about him not wanting to tell you how old he is?
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