Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I could understand not using the old ring or its stone but I cannot understand why he would disapprove of using the trade-in value of the old ring. The couple should trade in the old ring and use the credit to select something new for themselves. The source of the dollar value of the credit is irrelevant; what maters is the new ring as a symbol of their relationship. Indeed, this would also have the added benefit of getting rid of that old ring forever, casting away the past.
The substantial savings realized by using the value of the old ring to select a new ring will certainly be useful in their future life together...money for buying a house, retirement savings, college savings, rainy day fund, etc. These things are infinitely more important than foolish pride.
Last edited by professorsenator; 09-19-2008 at 08:02 PM..
[quote=SomeThings;5341159]I think it comes from a good place on her part, but sounds like it doesn't work for him. If he feels that strongly about it, she's going to have to respect his wishes, even if it means a smaller ring on her finger. Hopefully she loves him for who he is, and if who he is is a guy who can afford "$" ring, that's the ring she'll have. If he has to wait longer to save up the money for it, so be it. Does she really care how big the ring is?
I'm guessing she doesn't really have any attachment to that ring & thinks it's silly for him to go into debt. I--personally--would be pissed if my BF spent a lot of money on an engagement ring (I've given him a size limit). But, I do also think he should put in the time and effort to be saving towards that. There's some measure of "he's willing to work for this and has thought this through/made sacrifices" to that--I guess it's sort of the "provider" thing, so I can see his point. I suspect my boyfriend would feel the same way as your friend (too bad my old ring is small ) and I respect that about him. In fact--it's one of the things I love about him.
What I have highlighted is exactly right. She appreciates the fact that he wants to do it his way but she knows he feels he has something to prove and is concerned he will overspend and they will start off in debt unnecessarily. Personally I think she's on to something, sometimes you got to take emotions out of stuff. It’s only an item; you can't take it with you when you go!
i could understand not using the old ring or its stone but i cannot understand why he would disapprove of using the trade-in value of the old ring. The couple should trade in the old ring and use the credit to select something new for themselves. The source of the dollar value of the credit; what maters is the new ring as a symbol of their relationship. Indeed, this would also have the added benefit of getting rid of that old ring forever, casting away the past.
The substantial savings realized by using the value of the old ring to select a new ring will certainly be useful in their future life together...money for buying a house, retirement savings, college savings, rainy day fund, etc. These things are infinitely more important than foolish pride.
I have hard time imagining anybody who's been married would think of their old rings as "only items." You can't look at them and not think of the past. Frankly, I've no idea what to do with my "items" either, but certainly wouldn't offer them to a potential future husband.
I have hard time imagining anybody who's been married would think of their old rings as "only items." You can't look at them and not think of the past. Frankly, I've no idea what to do with my "items" either, but certainly wouldn't offer them to a potential future husband.
She is not offering the rings to him but the value of the rings. Clearly her old wedding ring does not hold as much sentimental value to her as it would to some of you posting; and he does not want it around so why not use the value for something else? I am still not convinced where this is not the logical thing to do.
She is not offering the rings to him but the value of the rings. Clearly her old wedding ring does not hold as much sentimental value to her as it would to some of you posting; and he does not want it around so why not use the value for something else? I am still not convinced where this is not the logical thing to do.
In any event, I wouldn't do it and I don't wanna be in this guy's shoes. That's all.
She can quietly sell the darn ring and use the money for any other purpose, but making this huge hoopla about using it specifically for buying another ring is dumb and insensitive in my humble only somewhat americanized opinion.
Is the principle on which she wants to still wear it on the fact that is "huge" or that she doesn't think he can afford it or........something else? My husband has wanted to upgrade my ring for quite awhile and when my MIL was engaged and the broke up I suggested that we buy it(cheap...what we could afford but nice) and he just wasn't having it. And I respected that. It just "weirded" him out. We did finally upgrade though, last year. Yeah, and especially the OP's ring being from her EX. Ummmm, no. I think I'd be pissed if I was the guy. She should sell the ring outright and buy something for the "home" with it.
She can sell the ring, she's just not going to get the full value of it. And you know what, it's only WORTH what someone is going to be willing to pay for it. I don't care if it appraises at 30K, if someone will only pay 10K for it, then that's what it's worth, IMO. That is what I don't get about appraisals on somethings. What is determining the price it appraises at if no one will be willing to pay that much?
The thought of me asking my fiancee to use the credit of the trade in on my first husbands ring is ludicrous. Unless he could afford to Pay me the value of it, then we trade it in and choose a new one. Then he paid for the ring, and allowed me to get rid of the old one.
No reason to keep it around. I say she should take what she can get for it and move on. Forget about investment, mortgage, any of that crap. The ring has to go, esp. if it is bothering her fiancee. If he feels it's his duty to buy her a ring and she feels like he cannot afford it, get a smaller ring.
The first thing I would do with that ring is see if I can trade it in for something else in the store, like a huge pair of diamond studs or a pendant or something else......
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) and I respect that about him. In fact--it's one of the things I love about him. 
She should sell the ring outright and buy something for the "home" with it.
