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mrstewart, your theory is worth a lot, imo. I think another thing I have to keep in mind is that words and images mean different things to different people.
Indie9, it was not my intention to be harsh. This is a forum of opinions. Are you so sensitive that you can't handle to read the OPINIONS that you are asking for? Are you too old for love and raising a family? NO, you're not. LOTS of children need caring homes. Are you possibly too old to safely bear children without complications (Downs Syndrome, etc) then yes, most likely you are. This is most likely a real FACT of life. However, OPINIONS are being asked here and YOU asked them. So why are you getting defensive?
I have worked with Downs children and there quite a few parents under 30 with Downs babies. My daughter was and is PERFECT, I had her at 42. The odds are higher over 40 but not an absolute. Who cares what other people think, if you want a child and can provide for them, then that is your business. Look at Hollywood over 40 is the new 20. Nobody has confused me for the grandma, except on my child previous to this child. I took my 6 year old to the Doctor when he was 5 months old and I had my daughter with me who was 20 at the time. When the Doctor came in the room my daughter was holding my son, I took him and placed him on the exam table and started to tell the Dr. why we were there, she very rudely looked at my daughter then looked me and asked "Who is the mother here?" I snapped at her and said "I am the mother to BOTH of them". Her eyes kind of popped open and she very snotty said "Oh, I thought she was the mother and you were trying to take over, I see that alot." ....B*t*h..... Anyway people are going to think what they want.
I would point out to the posters here that written communication is inherently difficult, especially on a web forum where we don't always weigh our words with extra care.
With that said, I've had a few threads around here looking for advice\opinions (Widowers Radioactive thread among others) and frankly, some of the best advice came from the 25% that weren't really in-line with my own thinking on the topic.
In some ways, isn't some anonymous input the best as our friends etc. might not give us thier real thoughts? Granted, at the same time these people don't *know* you so again, grain of salt.
P.S. I had a poster here give input on my dating profile, I made the changes and got immediately better results. Their comments were analytical and spot on...sometimes detachment is great perspective.
I would point out to the posters here that written communication is inherently difficult, especially on a web forum where we don't always weigh our words with extra care.
With that said, I've had a few threads around here looking for advice\opinions (Widowers Radioactive thread among others) and frankly, some of the best advice came from the 25% that weren't really in-line with my own thinking on the topic.
In some ways, isn't some anonymous input the best as our friends etc. might not give us thier real thoughts? Granted, at the same time these people don't *know* you so again, grain of salt.
P.S. I had a poster here give input on my dating profile, I made the changes and got immediately better results. Their comments were analytical and spot on...sometimes detachment is great perspective.
Mathguy makes a good point, a lot of times friends, family and loved ones will tell you what they think you want to hear but posters will give you their true opinion. If you want to discount the replys you don't agree with (wet blanket defense) you might be missing some truthful and valid points.
In regards to adoption, just be sure. These kids have gone through enough. Other than that, it's never too late. Maybe try the Big Sister program as a trial run before you make the biggest committment of your life.
In regards to adoption, just be sure. These kids have gone through enough. Other than that, it's never too late. Maybe try the Big Sister program as a trial run before you make the biggest committment of your life.
Good luck!
What a great idea for anyone looking to adopt a child! Getting your feet wet and helping someone at the same time! I really hope the OP will consider this option. Plus you don't have to find a mate to be a "Big Sister or Big Brother."
I have not discounted any of the various responses or options. What I take issue with is that some of us in the cd community don't seem to know the difference between offering an opinion and issuing admonishments disguised as "the truth." There is a form of cyberbullying here that I find offensive and rude. Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it, your tone and your underlying energy or intention. Are you here to help and to offer opinions, or are your here to prove that you are "right?" This is the last that I will say on this subject. The real subject here is my original question.
The big sister idea is a good one. I mentored a little girl who was one of my students in my afterschool program. I was her big sister for about three years. Again, I am no stranger to raising childen. My question concerns whether or not I want to raise a family of my own.
So I just sat down for a coffee break (my excuse for getting on CD in the middle of the day...ha ha) and want to say to you Indi9:
Bless you for wanting children & considering the risks & pitfalls involved. You most likely already knew in advance what the variety of comments would be like - you certainly don't live in a vacuum. Where it gets dicey on this forum is when you try to read the comments from your own perspective rather than the posters'. I say that because I've done that - now I know why so many people use the smiley faces & emoticons! It's too easy to become offended because you don't have the voice tones & facial expressions that come w/ a face to face conversation.
I too am in my late 40's and childless. Almost a decade of surgeries & infertility treatments for both me & my husband....only to wind up a widow anyway. I will never say never, but I doubt I will ever be a mom. (I make an exceptional aunt, however!!) I fantasize about finding a single father & having an "instant" family - too many Disney movies growing up, I guess. I'm leaving my fate to a higher power for now while I decide my next move.
But back to your original question...I say go for it - listen to your inner voice ( & the outer one too that has considered and/or refuted previous posters' objections - lol) and be the mom you know you can be. Don't worry about the energy level 10 years down the road - you'll most likely adapt if need be. MOST important: EVERY kid needs love and there are a lot out there wanting the love you can give. However you choose to become a mother; biologically, legally, serendipitously, or any other way - your desire to be one will carve a path for the nitty-gritty details that will challenge you. Best of luck!
piperspal, thank you for your insights and understanding, for reading the thread carefully, and for sharing your experience (which moved me).
lol. No I don't live in a vacuum, but I also did not expect to get clobbered for even bringing up the question. Now I am all the wiser and more ready for what life in real time as a midlife mom may bring me. No matter, if it is meant to be, it is meant to be, and a way will be carved out for me. If it is not meant to be, that's fine too. My life is already full of alternative experiences of family and parenting. Yes, "EVERY kid needs love..." The big kids too.
In gratitude...
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